


Stay

by orphan_account



Category: Shefani
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-07-20 00:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 82,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7383205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short series of the beginning of their relationship from Gwen's POV. I'm not sure how many chapters or where the story will go so time will tell. Open to any ideas or prompts later on. Hope you enjoy the first chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His warmth was something I was starting to crave. I wasn't sure if it was because of him specifically or if it was just because I simply missed that kind of contact with a man since I kicked Gavin out a few months ago. Either way, Blake's presence was becoming my favorite part of the day. Ever since that first meeting of season 9 of The Voice, we've been spending more and more time together. I was shocked that after I told the producers and other coaches about my marriage ending that he was not only also divorcing from Miranda but to find out later that his situation was also due to infidelity and lies.

I always adored Blake since my first season on this show but we were never super close and didn't keep in touch since. But since coming back on set and swapping stories, we've become inseparable. Almost as if we've gone through war together. I've been so ashamed and embarrassed to share what's happened with Gavin to anyone other then my family because I can't take the pity or shame in other people's eyes. I've hid away for weeks and months in bed under the covers hiding the truth from any of my girlfriends because I can barely handle the truth myself. But for whatever reason talking with Blake is easy. And comforting. And above everything else, safe. Don't get me wrong, it didn't start out easy to share with him everything that happened, and we're still learning to trust another person after both of us being burned, but the way he lets me break on him without ever turning away or running for the door has slowly started to nurse me back to life. The way his thumb will softly wipe away a tear from my cheek; the way his strong arms completely engulf my small frame that they practically hide me from the world; the way his piercing blue eyes never leave mine when I speak as if everything I'm saying is the most important thing in the world; the way he knows exactly what to say or what not to say to help brush away my insecurities one at a time; or the way he knows how to make me laugh and smile when I need to the most. He just has a way with me that I can't quite explain. 

And I hope my friendship has done the same for him. It was heartbreaking for me to see this big, strong, loving man get so defeated and beat down by that woman that most of the time I could do nothing but cry along with him and be that shoulder to lean on for him. I never in a million years thought that I would have created this unspeakable friendship and bond with this amazing man that just a year or so ago I'd never even heard of. It's insane to think about especially since at this moment his friendship, and his words, and his embraces are what's holding me together right now. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. 

During filming of the blinds, we spent almost all our breaks together having lunch or just hanging out in someone's trailer. It was so second nature that after awhile I would just automatically follow him as the director would call cut for an hour break and he'd open the door for me as we sat on the couch and slowly began opening up. Adam would sometimes gives us funny looks and joke as if he wasn't invited along which was crazy because of course he was but at the same time, he also didn't understand. Adam and Pharrel were amazing friends and had helped me and and Blake individually in so many ways, but at the end of the day, sometimes it was nice to be held and soothed by someone who knew what it had felt like to be betrayed to that degree. And I think they both understood that and we're grateful that we were able to be that shoulder to cry on for each other.

It wasn't until the battle rounds that Blake and I started hanging out outside of the Voice lot. When the kids would be at school or with their dad he would sometimes come over for coffee and then we'd drive to work together. I'd sometimes giggle to myself seeing this country cowboy sitting in my modern Hollywood mansion wondering how strange my life had gotten. Our conversations about exes started getting less and less and yet our time spent together only increased exponentially. Both of us were still hurt and still dealing with trust issues but I no longer felt the need to only talk about my heartbreak. And neither did he. It's as if we both decided at the same time to let ourselves smile again and not be consumed by the mistakes of our doomed marriages. 

Im not entirely sure when it was that I started seeing Blake differently. It must have been when he went to visit his mom for the weekend in between the battle rounds and the knockouts. We'd spent almost every day together, hanging out in some form, so when all of a sudden I found myself missing him I wondered if it was simply his friendship I missed or something more. I mean, i have always found him handsome. Even during season 7, his dimples, and blue eyes, and curls have always made me feel like a teenage girl. But I suddenly found myself thinking about what it would be like to hold his hand, to run my fingers through his hair, to kiss his lips. It didn't help that during that time was also when the boys were spending the week with their dad, leaving me alone in that giant house full of nothing but fake memories of a now former life. It's strange to think of another man that way. Even though my marriage is over, I still think of myself as a married woman so the idea of having a crush on another man has never crossed my mind in over twenty years. 

Besides, I convinced myself that Blake is so sweet and so loving that he's just being a good friend, and that I'm just latching onto him because he's here. But still... I missed him during those days. For whatever reason, him being in Oklahoma made it so much harder. Even though I had been doing so well not thinking of Gavin, Blake being away and me being alone had brought a flood of emotions back. I started sobbing unconditionally in my pillow that Saturday night at the thought of his lies and how my babies were taken away from me even though I did nothing wrong. Even though it was 2am his time, I couldn't stop myself from dialing Blake's number praying he'd pick up. I had gotten instantly insecure as I realized I'd never called him sobbing in the middle of the night before, but before I could hang up the phone I heard a worried voice answer as if to know it must be important. 

"Gwen? Everything ok?" God the second I heard his kind voice miles away, it's as if a wave of relief hit me. 

"Hey I'm so sorry to call so late. God I'm sorry, I'm just so lonely right now. The kids are at Gavin's for the week and my family is out of town and you're gone and I'm just really sad and having a hard time." My words were coming through sobs that he could probably barely understand. I felt ridiculous confessing all of this to him but at the same time knew he wouldn't think I was crazy.

"Gwen don't be sorry, you can call me any time for anything. And I'm glad you did, I've been pretty lonely too. As great as it is to see my family, being back home is bringing up some old memories. So I know how your feeling." His words are slow, and precise, and oh so tender. It's amazing how quickly he calms me without hardly even trying. "I'm sorry I left when everyone else did, I know how much you hate being alone in that house. I wouldn't have gone home if I knew the boys were going to be with him this week. " And the crazy thing is, I believe him when he says that too. 

"That's sweet of you. But It's not your fault Blake. I'm just not used to having an empty house that's all and it was just a bad day of packing up some of his stuff from the guest house. It was just a lot. And I wish you were here." That last thing part came out before I could even think any better. Before my insecurities got the best of me his southern drawl answered back immediately. 

"I wish I was there too darlin." There's a silence on the phone. It's not awkward, although I am thinking about the fact that it was the first time he'd called me a pet name before. Sure he'd say sis or kiddo but they were no different then him calling me that during season 7. For whatever reason, this had felt different and I suddenly started allowing myself to think that maybe there was something between us. I simply held onto the phone half terrified of being rejected and half ecstatic of being loved. I know I was getting way ahead of myself but the distraction and fantasy of his love was already soothing my tears 

"Are you feeling better Gwen?" I wanted to answer back "Yes, and in more ways then one" but I didn't. I still had no idea how he felt about me, or what I truly felt other then adoring his friendship. 

"Yes, I'm starting too. Still not very tired though." 

"Me neither. Want to watch a movie together? We can press play at the same time and stay on the line. I'll even let you pick the movie." I laughed, the first time since two days earlier sitting on his couch in LA. My heart melted as he tried to cheer me up in the cutest way, making sure I didn't feel alone. "What's your favorite movie Gwen? Something that you turn on during rainy days and you can say every line to. I want to know." 

"Honestly, it's a little cheesy. But... It's The Sound of Music. I've always been obsessed with Julie Andrews and this movie since I was a little girl. I don't know why, it just makes me feel like warm inside. Like when you watch a Christmas movie during the holidays. I know it's silly. Gavin hated musicals so anytime I'd watch this he'd go to another room." I'm a little mad at myself for bringing him up. I didn't mean to get too depressing after Blake asked me a simple question. There's a pause and I'm praying I didn't ruin the mood. 

"Well... I actually love musicals and old timey movies. They're my favorite. And even though I love Julie Andrews, I've never seen the sound of music. Sounds like a perfect time to watch it though right?" 

"Really? Yay!" We pressed play and watched about two thirds of it together. Even though we're in two separate states, it truly did feel like we were watching it together in the same room. We laughed at the same parts, and I'd tell him when my favorite scenes were coming up and he'd listen to me gush over the costumes and sets. It was exactly what I needed that night. I eventually drifted asleep holding the phone towards the end. Waking up the next morning with my phone still in my hand, I was a little confused as I tried to remember how we ended things last night or if I even saw the last scene of the movie. It made more sense when I saw a long text message from Blake sent late last night.

"Hope this doesn't wake you Gwen but I could tell when you didn't answer that you had fallen asleep so I hung up. I really enjoyed that movie, it might be one of my new favorites too. I'm sorry you had a rough night, but I'm not sorry you called me. Talking to you is always the best part of my day and I hope I was able to make you feel better tonight. I hope you have a good nights sleep and if you need anything let me know. Sweet dreams darlin." 

I sat there in bed re reading that message probably a dozen times, wearing the smile of a love sick teenager. God I want to see him. He's not coming back till tomorrow morning before knock outs start but that suddenly feels way too far away. What's wrong with me? I don't even know what it is I'm feeling, all I know is that I miss his embrace, his laugh, his voice. I miss... Him. 

I decide to text him, if nothing else then to just thank him for comforting me last night. Normally we don't text or talk on the phone this much, but something seems to be changing. "Good morning. Just wanted to say thank you for last night Blake. Really, it meant a lot and you made me feel so much better. You always do. I can't wait to see you tomorrow at the studio. I hope you have a good rest of your trip back home. Text me when your back. Gx"

After about an hour or so of puttering around the empty house, trying to stay busy I get a text from Blake making butterflies appear. 

"Good morning to you too. Glad I was able to help. I actually decided to cut my trip a little short and head back to LA this morning. I just landed about ten minutes ago." A smile instantly appeared on my face. I had no idea what the reason was for him coming back sooner but I wondered and secretly hoped if it had anything to do with me. I didn't even hesitate to respond back or try to hide my excitement. 

"Really? Yay! I'm glad you're back! If you're not busy or too tired do you maybe want to come over later? The boys are gone all week and I could cook dinner or something. I'd love to hear about your trip." I was trying hard to act cool for whatever reason. I haven't had anything close to a crush on someone in two decades and I have no idea how to flirt or how to hide said flirting. 

"I'd love to come over, thanks for the invite. I've got to do a couple things this morning but I can head over in the afternoon. Can I bring anything?" 

"Just your favorite movie. It's your turn to pick what we watch." 

"Deal. See you in a couple hours." 

"Can't wait! Gx"

*****  
Opening the door to Blake on the other side was just the medicine I needed to help me through my loneliness. I couldn't help my self but immediately go into his arms as soon as he opened his. Maybe I was reading into things but he seemed to hold on a little longer as we both swayed back and forward at my front door. He lifted me up a little as he buried his face into my neck releasing a sigh as if he needed this hug as much as I did. "It's so good to see you darlin." Hearing his voice vibrate in my hair did things to me I hadn't felt in years. The feelings I felt were almost too much that it actually scares me to go there. But I couldn't help but respond. "You too cowboy." 

Finally releasing while each of us were wearing slight smiles, I lead him into the kitchen where I give him some ice tea and we go for a walk around my property. It's pretty big and he's never really seen it all except for sitting in my kitchen or living room so it's fun showing him around. Even though I was a little nervous that things would be awkward between us, it's not. Talking with him is the most natural thing I've ever done. We talked all afternoon as we walked around and sat in the backyard, then laughed in the kitchen as I listened to his funny stories while cooking dinner, and then yes even crying a little as the mood went serious afterwards on the couch as we shared some not so funny stories of the past couple years. Luckily for me i wasn't sobbing too hard and he was able to sooth my pain before it getting out of hand which I thanked him for. Finally around 10 pm we put a movie on as I sat next to him on the couch. I'm a little sleepy from the glass of wine I had so I have a feeling like I won't make it through the whole thing but I also don't want to end the night early and for him to leave so I rally through the tiredness. I can't explain it, but I just feel better when he's around. It doesn't even have to be romantic, but whatever he's doing for me is so healing in every way that I don't think I'm reading to give him up in any way. 

Halfway through the movie, fatigue is really setting in as my eyes start to dose and my head begins to lean towards his shoulder before I keep catching myself. Blake must have noticed because suddenly I hear a small huff of laughter from him and I see him looking at me smiling with his tiny dimples appearing. I'm a little embarrassed because I wasn't trying to cuddle with him, at least I don't think so. I mean, I don't hate the idea. But still, I don't want to be presumptive so I sit up a little straighter and jokingly apologize while moving away slightly. But to my surprise, Blake was having none of it. 

"No, don't. It's ok Gwen." Suddenly he scooted back towards me, making up the space I had just created, draping an arm around me inviting me to rest my head on his shoulder and lean into the side of his body. "There, that's much better." I could do nothing but smile into him as I closed my eyes and feel myself drifting into a light slumber. 

It's strange because we've definitely been in close contact before. I've cried for hours as he's cradled me close to his chest, or I've held him as he's tried to hold back tears. He's kissed the top of head as we've greeted each other, and I've kissed the scruff on his cheek saying goodbye. But suddenly this feels different. Suddenly there's something else in the air and it's not just friendship or two dead souls with the same war wounds. I know for a fact that I'm not ready to take the next step with Blake, I can't, I'm too broken. But I do know that what I'm feeling is more then friendship and comfort. 

A few hours later, long after the movie had ended, and it's long past midnight, Blake is resting his head on top on mine. I'm holding onto his right arm partly for warmth and partly for security while his right hand rests on my leg. I feel him stir a little causing me to bury my face further into him for whatever reason as if that'll prevent him from leaving.

"Gwen, it's getting kind of late. I should probably get going." Even though the house is empty, he's still talking in a whisper as if not to startle me.

"Ok." Is all I can answer.

Neither of us make a move. We both stay in each others embrace as his hand starts slightly rubbing my leg. 

"You could stay if you wanted." I can't believe I just said that but at the same time I don't regret it. "I mean... I know it's late. You don't have to. I just... I just really like you being here Blake." It's a good thing he haven't moved from his head resting on mine because I don't think I would have been able to say that while looking at him. 

As soon as I start getting scared of his rejection, his grip around me gets tighter as he places a small kiss on my forehead. "I like being here too." Without saying another word he repositions us oh so gently so that we are both laying longways along my deep couch. He then lifts his arm and brings my whole body to rest half on him and half on the couch as he wraps me up in his arms. Even though I was the one who asked him to stay, I'm beyond grateful he didn't take things too far by trying to take me to the bedroom and we just stayed on the couch. I'm nowhere near ready for that step or the hundreds of steps that come before that. I feel like any other guy in this situation would have initiated that but Blake knew exactly what I meant asking him to stay and also that anything physical is so above what I'm capable of comprehending right now that he doesn't even press those topics. Instead, I can just rest easy that I'm with a man who won't pressure or make a move without me being ready. 

Once settled into a comfortable position, I feel my whole body finally relax as I quite literally melt into him as I rest my head on his chest and loosely grip the front of his shirt with my tiny fist. This is the first time I've been this close to Blake without either of us crying (mostly me) and it's the first time I can truly notice how warm he is, how good he smells, and how strong he feels. Sure Gavin was strong too, he worked out religiously as he got older to keep his abs perfect which I said a million times I didn't care about but he still insisted. The strength my estranged husband had is different then the strength I feel while wrapped in Blake's arms. Gavin's strength was that he was possessive, was mentally superior and always reminded me of it. But Blake's strength is in his heart. His soul. His words. His eyes. His comfort. His safety. The safety I felt lying with him was the kind of security I longed to feel since the day I met Gavin. All I ever wanted was to know I'm safe, and after twenty years, he always disappointed me. But for first time I feel as if I might have found it. 

Without having to get up, Blake's long arm reaches the lamp on the table behind us and flips the switch, causing the whole room to go black as he places he arm back around my waist. "Are you comfortable Gwen?" His voice is still just a whisper and I love the vibrations of it from his chest. Before I can answer, a slight chill runs across my bare shoulders from my tank top causing me to shiver and grip onto his shirt slightly tighter. I feel Blake give a little chuckle and I'm in the mood for attention so I decide to play along and being a little adorable "Whats so funny Blake Shelton?" 

"I just find it cute how you are always cold Ms Stefani." He begins to hold me tighter and rub is hands up and down my arms to try and warm me up until he finally notices the throw blanket draped over the couch as he covers my body with it "Here darlin, I got you.... Now are you comfortable?" 

Snuggling up under the blanket that Blake has wrapped me up in and resting my head back atop his heart, I lean my head up slightly, place a small kiss on his cheek and say "This is the most comfortable I've ever been." 

I could feel his heart racing under my head which I took as a good sign. And Instead of trying to go further with me, he simply kissed the top of my head and said good night. 

"Good night Gwen."

"Night Blake." 

Even though I didn't want too, I was asleep within minutes. I tried fighting it, wanting to just stay in that moment for as long as possible. But the harder I fought, the heavier my eyes got and soon I was a goner. 

 

The next morning I woke up in exactly the same position I fell asleep in, in Blake Shelton's arms. A part of me was scared that when I woke up he'd be gone, almost as if it had been a dream. But he wasn't gone, he stayed, holding me all night long. Even though I could have easily gone back to sleep, I forced my self to stay up just like I had tried the night before. This was the first (and possibly last) morning we'd woken up together, and I wanted to remember this moment and this feeling. The more and more I thought about things and what position we are in and the line we might have crossed, the more worried and insecure I get. 

Was last night super needy of me? Did he not make a move because he's not into me? Did he just stay the night so he wouldn't hurt my feelings? Oh god what do I look like this morning? How can I go put on makeup without him noticing? How crazy does my hair look? All of these crazy questions fire into my head one after another causing me to tense up on top of him. He must have felt something change with me because as soon as I move my hand from holding onto his shirt collar to trying to fix my hair, his embrace tightens as he begins rubbing my back and releasing a content sigh to indicate he's awake. 

"Mornin." This is the first time I've heard his early morning voice. His first words of the day are super deep and drawly and yet gentle and I can't help but giggle at him. I like finding out new things about him. "Good morning. Did you sleep ok?"

"Like a rock. I think that's the first time I've slept all through the night in over a year." I'm relieved to hear he slept well, sometimes I forget that insomnia was something he had told me he struggled with after Miranda cheated on him. But I'm also feeling embarrassed at my appearance and I'm starting to squirm a little as I hide my face away from him. "You ok Gwen?" His voice is so gentle and patient that it almost makes me cry every time. 

I sit up, with my back facing him as I try to wipe off old mascara under my eyes and brush my fingers through my hair. "Yeah I'm ok, it's just..." I sort of trail off a bit, unable to say the rest. Instead I feel two big hands on my shoulder and feel him sitting up behind me "You just what?" 

I can't lie to him, even if it is stupid. He knows my insecurities regarding my looks. Has heard the stories about how obsessed Gavin made me with make up and my weight and always being presentable. I swear my vanity will be the death of me. "It's just I'm feeling a little embarrassed right now. Other then like my family, no one really sees me without makeup on or my hair done ya know. I mean I must look pretty awful right now." Blake had positioned me so that my side was sort of facing him now but I was still looking away, pretty much hiding my face with my hands. Instead of going into some huge speech about how crazy I was to think that, he simply takes my hands off of my face, holds then gently in his, looks me in the eye and tenderly says "You are more beautiful this morning then you have ever been Gwen." 

My brown eyes started watering the second I saw the pure conviction in his blues. I swear if it wasn't for the fact that I always get so damn emotional, I think I would have kissed him in that moment. But instead, he wiped away my tears for the millionth time, and pulled me in for a huge as he soothes my worries away. After about another twenty minutes of cuddling and slowly waking up, both our phones start going off with emails, alarms, and any other kind of notification from agents, managers, and assistants indicating that the day is beginning and responsibilities are starting. We both groan, not wanting to move out of the position we are currently in, but we know we must. 

"It's crazy. I know I'm going to see you in a couple hours on set, but I still don't want to leave." 

"I know. I'm just like so used to you being here. But maybe it'll just give me something to look forward to this morning." 

"I like the sound of that darlin. Brains and beauty. You're the whole package." I laugh at his corny attempt to flirt and compliment me, also loving every second of it. We finally move off the couch, stretching from the obvious stiff limbs we are going to pay for later in the day. I swear watching him put on his boots and grabbing his keys was literally painful for me. When we get to the door, I can't bring myself to open it. Instead I gently tug on the back hem of his shirt because it's the perfect height for me to grab on to, indicating to him that I need a very good hug goodbye. Taking the hint, he turns around cradles my head against his chest and For whatever reason, I start to cry. 

"Oh God, I'm sorry I swear I don't know what's wrong with me." I mean really, it's not as if he's going to war. Not to mention, we haven't even kissed and here I am sobbing over a goodbye. 

Blake simply smirks and sways me in his arms, allowing me get emotional. "I'll see you at work honey. Ok?" 

Honey? I think I'll like that one. I wonder if he's doing that on purpose or if these terms of endearment just slide out. I wonder if I'll ever have the nerve to ask him. 

"See you at work. Bye cowboy." He then kissed my head, lingering a little longer this time, and walked reluctantly to his truck and drove away after spending our first night together.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as the front door closed behind Blake, I lean up against the door immediately missing his presence as I tried to comprehend all of my feelings. What in the hell happened last night? I mean we've been close for awhile and sure we flirted on and even off set a little but it was always harmless. It was always in a way that we knew would never go further then making each other giggle or blush. But now, after last night, after I asked him to stay, after he held me all night, after I kissed his cheek, after he called me beautiful, everything is different. 

I walked back into the kitchen, poured myself some tea and smiled as I looked down at the disheveled couch and blanket from where we slept. He's been gone for less then thirty minutes but the memory from last night feels almost unreal, like a lifetime ago. A part of me wished one of us had made a move, but then I also now I'm not ready for that. Sure I feel great around him, I mean he's literally the only person nowadays that makes me feel human again. But I'm still broken. I'm still numb inside, insecure, and utterly devastated about my family breaking up. Speaking of my family, I need to call my kids. After the separation we decided to get King an iPhone and agreed the other could call or FaceTime whenever. It's pretty much the only thing keeping my sanity when I'm away from my three babies. I grab my mug and settle onto the couch pulling the blanket over my lap as I dial my sons number, smirking to myself as I can still smell Blake from the pillow his head rested on all night.

"Hi mom" Luckily my phone calls are very predictable since I call every morning and every night when they are away, so King picked up quickly expecting my missing voice. 

"Hi sweetheart! How are you and your brothers? You guys having a good breakfast?" I'm trying hard to sound happy as my heart breaks not being with them five miles away. 

"Yeah, dad is upstairs with Apollo and Zuma is eating cereal. Zuma! Moms on the phone!" 

"Hi mommy!" 

"Good morning angel! Are you having fun at your dads new house?" Dads New house. Never thought I'd say that. Ouch. 

"Yeah it's ok. It has a pool. Mommy when are you coming over?" Thank god this wasn't FaceTime, otherwise my sons would have seen my face scrunch up as I dreaded ever being asked that. Before I could reply Kingston answered his brother in a not so subtle way that probably didn't help the situation. 

"They don't live together anymore, remember. She's not coming over." If I thought my heart was broken before, it's shattered now. Staying in a toxic marriage was only worth it for my children and to make sure they always felt loved and cared for. If this is going to be too hard on them, then a small part of me wonders if I just need to put aside my personal struggles and take my cheating ex back so we can be a family again. 

"Hey baby listen to me, you too King. Just because your dad and I don't live together anymore doesn't mean we love you three any less. And I'll even always love your daddy because he gave me my three angels. I don't want you guys to worry about this stuff, or worry when you're going to see me. Anytime you want me there or anytime you want to see your dad here you just have to ask ok? I promise. You two and your baby brother are the absolute most important and best things in our lives and I will always always be here for you. I love you so much." 

"Ok mommy. We love you too. Can we see you today?" 

"Of course. I'm working at the voice today but maybe you guys can come by for lunch or something? There's a basketball court and I'm sure the other guys would love to see you too!"

"Yeah!" Both boys answer in unison warming my heart. 

"Ok, can you put your dad on the phone so I can make plans with him please?" I hear King running up the stairs calling for his dad and my stomach drops always feeling nervous to talk to him. 

"Hello?" 

"It's me. I know it's your week but Zuma is having a hard time and asked if he could see me today. Do you maybe want to drop them off for lunch today at the voice? It'll just be for an hour or so." 

"This was your idea Gwen. He's having a hard time because you broke up this family. We could all be in the same house right now."

"Gavin don't start this right now please. We said when we started this that we put aside our issues if the kids ever started having problems. Can you please bring them by for lunch?" 

"I guess."

"Thank you. 1 o'clock." Before I could say another word, I heard him hang up on the other end and I immediately start crying out of anger towards my ex and out of sadness for my children. This was never supposed to be the plan. I never wanted them to miss us or feel tossed aside. Luckily I think King is old enough to understand what's happening. He's still hurt but at least he gets it. And Apollo is so little that he won't remember anything but us living this way. Zuma on the other hand is struggling the most. He's old enough to remember us as a happy family but too young to grasp the concept of us living apart from now on. Plus, since me and his dad have such weird jobs and he's used to him touring and coming back after a month or so, I'm scared that Zuma thinks this is somehow part of that and that he thinks Gavin will come back in a few months. And if I'm being more honest, I'm scared that'll happen also. I'm scared that I'll cave and give in. The idea had already crossed my mind ten minutes earlier but I can't think about it and I have to just stay strong. 

I decide to not dwell on this for too long and just look forward to the day of filming and having lunch with my boys. It was the knockouts which meant this was the week we finalized our team going into the lives. It also meant after this week we'd go on a long break until September. That was exciting because it was almost like summer vacation but it was sad because id miss the coaches. One coach in particular. I couldn't even handle being away from Blake for a weekend, how am I going to do two months. Again, I shake my head and decide not to dwell as I make my way upstairs to shower and get ready to go to set, excited to see a certain cowboy. 

****  
The lot is already hectic as cast and crew are scrambling everywhere as we get ready to film. I obviously take the longest to get ready with hair and make up so when I show up to my trailer I can tell that Blake's is still dark inside. I'm a little disappointed since I wanted to say hi and give him a hug before being surrounded by a million people but oh well. About two hours later, I slide on my black stilettos and make my way out of my trailer as I hear a PA call for us to begin filming. As soon as I open the door and take my first step down the small stairway, I hear a very familiar voice coming from my right.

"Wow. Gwen.... I mean wow." Blake is standing on the side of the stairway as he offers his hand to help me walk down in my heels. He's looking very handsome in his dark blazer and jeans, I'm really loving his cowboy uniform these days. At the bottom of the stairs he's still holding on my hand which I don't hate, and I'm wondering if he even notices. "I was just coming to see you. You look beautiful." His eyes never leave mine and I can tell I'm blushing as I look down suddenly a little shy. I hold onto his wrist with my right hand and swing his arm a little, trying to be a little playful. "You look very handsome as well." 

I'm not sure how long we were staring at each other or if others noticed us holding hands, but I was a little startled when Adam and Pharrel came up causing me to release his grasp and immediately miss his hold. Adam is always energetic before filming and this morning is no different. 

"Hope you two got good nights sleep cause I'm ready to sweep the floor with you guys today. My team is lit!" Blake and I both give slight smiles to one another as if we had an inside joke while we made our way into the studio and up onto our chairs getting ready for the performances. 

The performances were going amazingly. My team was crushing it, and as always, I was having a blast goofing off with the fellow coaches. Every now and then Blake and I would steal looks at each other when Pharrel would lean forward and I couldn't help but smile every time. I feel ridiculous flirting so blatant but I also can't deny it our chemistry. Even if it is just friendship. During one performance I notice Blake rubbing his neck and I suddenly feel a little guilty for making him sore so I shoot him a quick text from two chairs over. 

"On a scale from 1 to 10, how stiff is your neck?" I see him immediately pull out his phone and look over to me as I give a little pout to show how bad I feel. He smiles back at me and types something on his phone. 

"A 20. But it was worth it darlin." I give a grateful smile back towards him when my phone buzzes again. "Want to have lunch together?" 

"I wish I could! But I've got a lunch date with three little boys who are stopping by! I'm so excited to see them, you guys should stop by my trailer and say hi, I know they'd love to see you." 

"I sure will! And I'm glad you're able to see them today. It'll make you feel a lot better I bet." Just then we began shooting the final round before calling for lunch and I was ecstatic that I was going to see my kids in a little bit. I was secretly hoping that they'd already be at my trailer by the time I walked out but when I looked over they weren't there yet. I shot Gavin a quick text asking if he was almost there since I only had an hour to spare just to get a vague response in return saying he was on his way. I changed into a robe to cover my dress and sat on the stairs of my trailer watching the parking lot like a hawk as others sat at the tables laughing and eating lunch. I could see Blake and Carson eating in the distance as I continued to check my phone watching the minutes fly by knowing that even if Gavin did get here right now there would hardly be anytime left before I had to get back to work. 

Suddenly I felt a tall figure sit down next to me on the stairs and I knew immediately it was Blake. "There's still time, I'm sure they'll come." My head had been buried in my hands as he rubbed my back. Just as I started to be on the brink of tears, I see Gavin's car pull up and I dart over to the parking lot as I see Kings head pop out the window. "Mommy!" My two older boys scream as they run towards me into my arms and I can't help but tear up also holding onto my kids as if it had been a month instead of just a weekend. Then I see my ex walking over with my baby as he rubs his sleepy eyes and reaches out for me. Im in heaven and don't even bother to get upset at the fact that Gavin is here or 50 minutes late. 

After less then ten minutes of hugs and kisses and catching up, the PA calls for lunch to be over and my heart breaks at how little time I got. I can't get angry at Gavin in front of the kids so I try to play it cool and kiss them goodbye saying I'd call them before bedtime. Apollo gets fussy and doesn't want to let go as I try to put him in his car seat causing me to almost ask if I can keep him for the afternoon but eventually he settles down and I know it's time to get to work. Watching the car pull away, I look down to the ground as I walk back to my trailer hiding my tears. Blake is still sitting on the stairs where he must have watched the whole encounter. Not wanting to draw attention to my pain, I pass him on the stairs and start to open the door. 

"Hey are you ok?" He's grabbed my hand to get my attention but I'm still unable to fully face him so I play it off as if it's nothing. 

"Yeah I'm fine, I just need a quick touch up from Gregory, that's all." I pull my hand away from his and I can tell he's worried. 

"Gwen..." 

"I'm fine really Blake. I'll meet you inside." With that I closed the door and tried harder then anything not to start sobbing, knowing that Blake would hear. It's lot that he hasn't heard or seen me cry before but the amount of pain I'm feeling right now is so intense that if I start crying right now, I won't stop for hours which isn't an option right now. So I pull it together, reapply some powder and mascara and make my way back to the stage to resume filming. 

The next hour goes by in a sort of haze. I'm keeping it professional but at the same time I'm just trying so hard not to break down that I can't fully concentrate on the music. It's not until I hear Blake talking to Carson that I sort of snap out of it. 

"Hey Carson, sorry man but I just got a text from my sister saying it was some kind of emergency. Mind if we take a quick thirty minute break?" 

"Sure Blake, hope everything's ok."

"Thanks." I'm worried also as I see Blake dart up and leave the studio before I can ask if everything is alright. Not really feeling like hanging out in the chairs in front of an audience, I decide to go back to my trailer to close my eyes for a second. But when I open my trailer door, I find Blake inside. 

"Blake? What are you doing here? How's your sister?" He reaches out his hands and brings me over to the couch to sit next to him. 

"She's fine. There wasn't an emergency. Just thought maybe you were hungry. I mean since you didn't get a chance to eat lunch or anything. You got to keep your energy up." I'm beyond touched that he's so concerned for me and I'm also grateful that he's not pressing me to talk about what happened. Just then I notice a small styrofoam container containing a slice of pizza in it that he must have grabbed for me. He must feel me hesitate as his hand rests on the small of my back gently. "Cmon darlin. You got to take care of yourself." His voice is so tender and patient as he tries to take care of me that it's impossible to refuse such a man. 

"I'm sorry about before. It's just..."

"You don't have to apologize or explain anything to me. We don't even have to talk right now if you don't want to. I just wanted to make sure you got something in your stomach." 

"Thanks Blake." I then start to eat the pizza as we sit in a comfortable silence on the coach together before going back to work. 

****  
It's been a long day of filming and emotional struggles when the producer calls it a day. It's dark out by the time we all make it back to our cars. I say bye to Adam and Pharrel till tomorrow but Blake lingers a bit, still containing the concerned look on his face that I half hate and half adore. 

"Are you going to be ok tonight Gwen? I mean we can hang out a bit, put a movie on again like last night?" As amazing as that sounds, I don't know if I'm up for it tonight. I feel defeated and beat down and even though spending another night with Blake was all I could think about since he left my house this morning, right now I just sort of want to be alone. 

"That sounds nice Blake, but I'm so tired. I might just take a bath and crawl into bed. I'm sorry. I really want to, I just don't think I'd be much company right now." I can see the disappointment in his eyes as he grabs my hand gently. 

"I don't want you to be alone tonight Gwen."

God this man is incredible. I place my hand on his face and stroke his scruff with my thumb showing how touched I am for his concern. "I'll be ok Blake. I can't just call you every time I'm feeling sad." 

"Why not?" I admit, I wasn't expecting that answer and I didn't know how to respond. So instead I pulled him in for a long hug as he kissed the top of my head sweetly and reluctantly pulled away from his warmth. 

"I'll see you tomorrow cowboy." 

He opened my car door for me and watched me carefully as I put my seat belt on as if he wanted to say something else. 

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

By the time I get home, call the kids, take a long bath, and crawl into bed, it's late. I'm exhausted physically and emotionally and I know that I need to sleep to be ready for another long day but I can't. My mind just won't turn off as I go through the days event. I mean twenty four hours ago I was laying on the couch downstairs in Blake's arms feeling the safest and most treasured I ever have. And now I'm alone. Feeling broken and empty and like a failure of a mother and friend. This is the hardest part about my life lately. Anytime things start to look up (like they had with Blake) another disaster happens bringing me down to the floor once again. The uncertainty and surprises of what each day brings is exhausting for me mentally and sometimes I feel numb inside. It's around 2am as I cling to my pillow, pretending it were Blake, when I realize that I can't take the loneliness any longer. I grab my phone and text him, hoping he's awake. 

"Hey Blake, are you up?" 

Before my phone has enough time to go to a black screen I get a response from him as if he'd been sitting by his phone all night just incase I needed him. His text back is short and sweet, as if he had read my mind without me even having to even ask.

"I'm on my way Gwen."


	3. Chapter 3

Waiting for Blake to come over, I laid in bed and had realized that I had no idea what I wanted to come from this. Sure a day ago I had dreamt about what it would feel like to kiss him and be more then coworkers but this wasn't any kind of booty call and he's knows it. I just needed my friend, and right now, he's my best friend. I had no clue how this would change things or what he thought was going to happen. But I also didn't care. I wasn't worried about tomorrow or next week or next month because in this moment, during this night, all I knew was that I needed him. 

Hearing a knock on the front door 15 mins later was as if someone turned a switch off inside of me to slow my tears from falling down my face. I jumped out of bed in my oversized concert tee from the rock steady tour, not even bothering to check the mirror first as I made my way to the front door. Opening the door in the dead of night to Blake Shelton in worn out jeans and a grey hooded sweatshirt from his ranch seemed to be my undoing as he took one step forward and pulled me into his chest where I immediately broke. He doesn't say a word as he holds me while I cry for what seems like the millionth time in the past week. After what was probably twenty minutes of crying in my entrance with the front door still open, he rubs his fingers through my hair as my head is still buried in his sweatshirt and begins talking for the first time since he's been here. 

"What do you need Gwen? What can I do for you?" His voice is so calm that it ends up having a calming effect on me in return. My breathing is starting to settle as I still sniffle back tears a bit. 

"I don't know. I just wanted to see you and I'm just so tired. God I'm exhausted." Blake continues to rub his hands down my back as I cling on to him. 

"Do you want to go bed?" Once again reading my mind. I nod my head into his chest. 

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" Again, I nod my head, not saying a word and not needing to say a word as I take Blake's hand and lead him upstairs through the empty, pitch black house. As we get closer to my bedroom it occurs to me he hasn't been in here ever before and I start getting nervous. Nothing physical is going to happen tonight, hell we haven't even kissed yet, I don't even know if he thinks about me that way, but still the idea of another man in my bedroom for the first time in twenty years is a lot to process. Walking into my bedroom with Blake two steps behind me, I freeze causing him to bump into me.

"Something wrong?" 

"You've never been in my room."

"You're right, I haven't. It's nice. Very white." He teases, causing me to giggle in return. We walk over to the bed where we sit on the mattress and I attempt to explain the conflicting feelings i have going on in my head. "I'm sorry for calling you Blake. I feel so ridiculous. God I've been such a mess lately, you probably think I'm this crazy lady." I attempt to lighten the mood by teasing myself as I wipe away some lingering tears. 

"You never have to apologize to me Gwen. For anything. You know I'm always here for you anytime, we're in this together." He places his hand on my leg where his giant palm pretty much engulfs the top of my thigh. He's not doing it in a forceful, sexual way. It honestly is strangely more comforting then anything. 

"Besides I'm glad you called. I was having trouble falling asleep as well. I think maybe after last night, you've ruined me from ever not sleeping next to you again." He's looking down at his feet as his saying this with a tiny dimpled smile which is strange since he always looks me in the eyes. I then realize he must be nervous, and it brings a smile to my face as I lean into his arm as we sit on my bed. He kisses the top of my head just before I move to shift under the covers of my bed. Blake walks around the other side where he slides his boots off and takes off his sweatshirt so he's just in a tshirt and jeans. I feel a little bad that he's sleeping in jeans because that can't be very comfortable but I know for a fact that having him in just his boxers would be too complicated and also much too tempting. 

Getting in under the covers he instantly lifts his arm inviting me over to rest my body on top of his like the night before. I don't think twice before sliding over and melting on to him before his arms wrap around me over the covers. As comfortable as I am, Unfortunately my mind is unable to turn off and I start thinking about how complicated this all is. I know I have no reason to feel guilty, but the fact that I'm still married with another man in my bed that I shared with my husband is a lot for me to handle and comprehend. I want to push it out of my mind because my god I'm laying here in the arms of a man who has quite literally glued me back together in every way but I can't. I begin panicking the more I try to relax and am scared he'll soon notice. 

"I can feel your heart race going a mile a minute darlin. What's going on?" I guess he already did notice. 

I move so I'm sitting up facing Blake, and he scoots up a little so he's against the headboard realizing I have something to say. God why can't I ever make things easy and carefree? "I'm so sorry Blake. I feel like I ruin everything. It's just a big step for another man to be in this bed ya know? I know that sounds stupid, but I've been with one guy for twenty years and even though he didn't take our vows seriously, I did, and this is just...its just a lot." I start getting worked up again as I avert my eyes from his sympathetic baby blues. 

"Gwen you know you don't have to worry about me like... I mean I'm not going to try to... I would never..." I cut him off because I know he's nervous trying to explain to me that he would never make a move on me in this situation. 

"Oh I know Blake! I do. It's not that, it's just weird. Just a few months ago I thought we were a happy family ya know, and now here I am alone in this giant house. It's hard." My voice starts cracking uncontrollably. 

"Trust me, I understand how hard this is. I mean I don't have kids or anything so I can't imagine that but I know how it feels to be lonely. So believe me when I say Gwen that I promise you will never ever be alone as long as I'm around." Just then he picks up my hand gently kisses the top of my knuckles making me smile out of gratitude and love.

"I care about you a lot Gwen. More then I should probably admit out loud without wanting to embarrass myself. It causes physical pain for me to see you hurt or scared or crying, so believe me when I say that there is no where I'd rather be then comforting you in my arms, soothing your pain away." I can do nothing but listen to his soft words as he confesses that he too has been dealing with feelings for me as well. It feels incredible to hear but also terrifying. "But it's clear that this is all too much for you right now. And that's nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of. We've both been burned so badly that it's going to take longer then a few months for us to recover."

"Wow... Blake... Thank you for being patient with me. I care about you a lot too. Like a lot. I just don't want you to leave."

"Don't worry darlin I'm not going anywhere. Not tonight, not ever. I just didn't want you to feel pressured into anything you're not ready for. And I think that maybe this whole bed thing was a bit much for you after today. So I got an idea." Blake moves from up off the bed and my heart immediately sinks as I grab onto his wrist as soon as his feet hit the ground in a frantic attempt to keep him from leaving. "Relax, I'm not taking off. I'm just grabbing a pillow... There, how's this?" I look down on the floor right next to my bed where he's arranged a pillow and blanket for him to sleep on. 

"Blake, no, I can't let you sleep on the floor." 

"It's fine, really. I can honestly sleep anywhere. Besides, I'd rather sleep on the floor next to you then in a bed without you. Is this ok though... with you?" The little boyish look on his face suddenly reminds me of one of my sons and I can't help but pull him in for a hug. We stay like that for a little while before finally releasing and each of us getting into bed, well, me into bed, Blake on the floor.

It must be about an hour later and I'm still awake. Not like earlier in the night though. I'm not awake because I'm crying, I'm awake because even though he's five feet away, I'm missing him. I scoot over to the edge of the bed and look down at him on the floor where he's laying on his back with one hand under his head and the other resting on his stomach. I can tell from his breathing that he's sleeping which I'm happy about since it is late after all. I start replaying the words he spoke to me earlier while we sat in bed in the dark. About having feelings for me. About wanting to save me. About waiting for me. I mean, seriously, how did I get lucky enough to find this guy. I was beyond grateful to just find in him an incredible friend now to find out that this could turn into something more. How is it my crazy hasn't scared him away yet? I'm sure that'll happen in time. 

Because of how we slept on the couch the night before, this is the first time I've had the chance to truly look at him without being afraid of someone noticing. He's so peaceful when he sleeps, but the slight frown he has indicates the countless sleepless nights he's had in the past year. I swear watching him just makes me want to run my nails through his grey curls until he falls asleep on my chest just as I have slept on his.

I can't stand this anymore. God gave me this beautiful, loving man, and here I am staring from afar knowing full well that being held by him is the safest I've felt my entire life. Unable to take the distance between us any longer, I decide to move out of bed and to try to put my anxiety aside. I don't want to wake him, but the second I get under the blanket he had taken from the end of my bed, his eyes open sleepily. I slide up on top of him down on the floor and wrap my arms around his torso, wiggling closer into him indicating I want him to wrap me up. 

"Gwen are you sure?" 

"Blake... Wanting to lay in your arms is the only thing I am sure about... Besides, I always hated that bed anyway." That seemed to be all he needed to hear as he securely draped one arm around my waste and intertwined our fingers with the other. "Good night sweetheart." 

****   
Because I had forgotten to close my black out curtains in my bedroom the night before, the sunlight is beaming in pretty profoundly. We must have moved into a new position during the night because now we are spooning with my head resting on one of arms while another is around the front of my stomach. I can tell his head is close as I feel his breath against my neck and I'm not ashamed to admit it's giving me goosebumps. Suddenly I feel him give a small kiss on the back of shoulder, a first for that spot and a smile instantly comes across my face. I think I like waking up like this.

"Mornin beautiful." There's that ultra morning drawl of his that makes me giggle. 

"Good morning cowboy." His grip around my stomach tightens a little as he pulls me into his chest and I simply bask in his warmth.

"Did we really just sleep on the floor in a mansion with literally twenty bedrooms?" 

"Yes! Because you're amazing and a gentleman and super comfortable. Like seriously comfortable."

"It's the man boobs. Great padding, like a pillow."

"Oh my god! Stop! You're going to give me a smile headache. And all before coffee." Blake leans onto his back as he rubs his eyes adjusting to the light. Not quite ready to give him up and get on with the day, I roll over onto him and bury my face into his neck. His hands go to the small of my back, dangerously close to my ass, which I wouldn't object to, and I can feel him release a deep sigh full of content. 

"Thank you for last night. For coming over. For what you said. For what you didn't force. For sleeping with me on the floor. For... Everything." 

"I'll sleep on the floor every night if it means waking up to your head on my shoulder." 

Our lips are so close to one another in this position that it's almost as if we're sharing the same breath when we talk. It would be so easy for me to simply tilt my head up an inch and see if he'd meet me halfway. But I can't. And I don't. Everything he said last night was true. I'm not ready to rush whatever is happening between me and Blake, and for all I know, neither is he. Besides, I'm perfectly happy staying in whatever area our friendship is in right now with these cuddly sleep overs of ours. 

We eventually pry ourselves off the floor of my bedroom where I immediately feel a chill from the morning breeze coming in. Blake laughs as he hands me his grey sweatshirt that he wore over last night. I'm pretty much swimming in it but it's so comfortable and warm, just like Blake that I suddenly want a blanket made out of it. And the best part is, it smells like him. I may "forget" to give this back to him for those nights he's unable to stay over. 

While in the kitchen Blake insists I sit down while he cooks pancakes. I told him that couldn't remember the last night I ate pancakes because it seems I'm always on some kind of diet and I think that only made him want to cook them for me more. I can't help but fantasize as I watch him mix batter, barefoot in jeans, with bed head curls in my kitchen while sipping coffee about what a great life this would be. I admit I don't know a lot about Blake other then what I've learned in the past few months, and who knows if what we're both feeling is a fleeting crush, but there's not a doubt in my mind that he wouldn't make any woman incredibly lucky to have him as her own. 

We laugh all through breakfast as he insists I have seconds of the delicious blueberry pancakes he made. I'm sure I'll regret it later during some fitting but I can't refuse. It's not until we're sitting out on my patio enjoying our third cup of coffee that I get I text from Gavin immediately causing a frown to appear. 

"What's wrong?"

"Oh it's nothing. Just from Gavin. It's actually good. Turns out he has something to go to tonight and asked if I wanted to have the boys over for dinner and maybe spend the night." 

"That is good news. I hope that works out. It shouldn't be too late of a day filming."

"Hopefully he just doesn't do what he did yesterday. He did that on purpose. Coming late. Only giving me ten minutes to see my kids. Making Apollo get excited and then fussy as I had to put him in his car seat. He knows how it gets to me. He knows that'll make me upset enough that I'll consider taking him back. God he plays these games with me, and controls me so that he always has the upper hand. That's why yesterday was so hard. He did it for twenty years. The manipulating. The vindictiveness. Just cuz he know he can break me and reduce me to nothing." I've started to get angry and my voice is getting shaky as Blake grabs onto the arm of the chair I'm sitting in, pulling it closer to him so that I'm facing his body. 

"Listen to me Gwen. That sorry excuse of a man hasn't reduced you at all. He doesn't define you. Only you can do that. And watching how you stood up to him and called him out, not taking him back after years of caving, that took guts girl. He's doing all of this because he's desperate, he's grasping at straws because you're the one who has the upper hand now, not him. Don't ever forget that Gwen. You're in control of your life, not that scumbag. So don't let him drag you down cuz you were born to rise. Ok?" 

"Wow. Thanks. That's quite a compliment cowboy." And I actually believe him too. I feel as if anyone else said that to me I'd only half believe them but for whatever reason him speaking those words to me ring more true.

"It's the truth. I only tell you the truth."

"I know, and I love that about you. And for the record, I think you're pretty incredible as well." 

"It's the dimples." I throw my head back laughing at his joke and I see him eyeing my neck while bringing my head forward again. 

"It's everything. But yes the dimples definitely don't hurt." 

*****  
The rest of the day at work went just as before minus the meltdown due to my soon to be ex husband. The performances were amazing and I loved seeing these kids grow right before my eyes. My team is really coming together. The four of us have lunch together in Adams trailer as him and Blake goof around making us all laugh and I can't help but feel a bit of pride over the fact that part of me feels like Blake is mine. It's crazy I know since we haven't even kissed but I don't know, it just feels right at the same time. Before I know it its five o'clock and the day of filming is over. I'm glad filming didn't go over like yesterday since I've got three eager boys to see but I'm also a little sad because I've had so much fun today with my other three boys. 

I say my goodbyes to Adam and Pharrel before walking with Blake to my car. He knows that tonight isn't going to be like the past two since I have the boys tonight, and he's more then understanding about it. Without having to explain myself, he knows my kids always come first. But still, theres a little sadness in his eyes, and I feel like mine possess the same look. 

"I'm glad you're seeing your boys, but I'm going to be very selfish for a minute and tell you how much I'll miss you tonight." I give him my best sexy smile, as I admit to myself that I actually love the idea of him missing me from afar. A first considering the lack of emotion from two previous loves. 

"Don't get into too much trouble tonight. I'll see you tomorrow cowboy." As he helps me into my Range Rover, I start the engine, blow him a kiss, and drive home to find my family awaiting my return. 

The afternoon and early evening is filled with so much laughter and kisses it's not until almost eight when I order a pizza for us. I now understand why divorced parents go easy on their kids. I was so excited to see them that I pretty much would have let them eat ice cream for dinner if they asked. Right after I hung up after ordering a pizza, my phone rings with a call from Adam. Weird since he hardly ever calls. 

"Hey Adam"

"Hey. Sorry to bother you, I know you have the boys tonight. But have you talked to Blake tonight?"

"Um not since saying bye to him on the set. Maybe three hours ago. Why, what's going on?" 

"Nothing... Just wondering. Thanks." After being a mother to three mischievous boys I can tell when they are hiding something, and Adam is no different. 

"Adam, tell me what's going on. Is he alright?" I brought out my mom voice, it always works.

"I think maybe something happened with Miranda. We were walking to our cars together from set when he got a call from her. I could hear them arguing a little as I left him in the parking lot and when I tried calling a couple times he hasn't picked up. I think maybe she said something to fuck with his head again like she always does. I thought maybe he had called you since you guys are so close now." 

"No he hasn't. I'll try calling him though. Thanks for letting me know Adam. Bye." My heart is breaking at not just the idea of Blake in pain somewhere but also the fact that he didn't come to me like the millions of times I went to him. It makes me sad in a selfish way and also in a guilty way for making me feel like our relationship is one way in simply him helping me. I take out my phone to call him, but then stop myself, realizing he's probably not in the mood to talk about it and would end up ignoring my call just like Adam. So I come up with another idea instead. 

"Hey boys? The pizza is on the way. How would you guys feel if I invited my friend Blake over for dinner. Remember him? He's the tall cowboy that talks funny." 

"Oh yeah he's funny! Can we still watch the movie?"

"Of course. He loves kids movies!" Great, that wasn't too hard. Now let's see if he responds to a text. I decide just to invite him over for dinner, not letting him suspect I know he's upset. I know what it feels like to not want to talk about things out of embarrassment so I don't want to pressure him, but I also don't want him to be alone. Besides, it might help him to be around some goofy kids. The chaos is bound to distract him from whatever his ex did to him on the phone. 

"Hey cowboy. So if you don't have any plans tonight, me and the boys would love to have you over for dinner. I just ordered a pizza and King has a movie picked out if you're game. Nothing fancy, hope you can make it. Gx"

Usually I get responses from him within minutes but this is taking a little longer. I start to think that he really does want to be left alone and immediately I get worried. Just when I put my phone down to set the table, my phone buzzes with a text from Blake. 

"I'd love too. See you soon." 

Relief spreads throughout my body half out of concern for him and half out of excitement to see him. I quickly text Adam to let him know I've got things covered and he sends me back a kissy face emoji making me roll my eyes. As soon as I finish setting the table the front door rings. Thinking it's the pizza, I grab some cash and open the door only to find Blake, looking a little tired. 

"Hey you." I say softly before standing on my tip toes and wrapping my arms around his neck. I can feel him hug me back as he buries his face into my hair, and even though I know we won't be like this in front of the kids in a couple minutes, I let him hold on a little longer since it's obvious he needs it. 

"Thanks for the invite. Your timing was perfect" His voice is low, and a little gravely as if he'd been crying. It's taking all my will power to not ask him what's wrong, knowing now is not the time. So instead I lead him in to the living room where the boys are picking out a movie. 

"Hey boys... Look who i found!" 

"Hi Blake!" They both scream in unison causing a genuine smile to appear on his face. Mission accomplished I thought to myself. About an hour later After dinner, I quickly rinse the dishes, and watch silently and smile as Blake makes Zuma and King laugh hysterically as he makes goofy faces at Apollo whose sitting on his lap pulling on his ear. I know it's passed the baby's bedtime and all this activity will probably make him difficult to get to sleep but seeing how happy all of them are makes me reconsider breaking up the fun. Especially Blake. He needed this, needed to smile, needed to laugh, needed to feel love from little children. Those kids are so therapeutic for me and I'm glad they've had the same effect on him. 

"Alright boys, movie time. Hit the lights." The kids are sprawled out on my giant corner sofa and even tho Blake and I are sitting next to each other while I hold Apollo, we know that this isn't a cuddling movie night. Ninety minutes later, and three sleepy boys later, it's finally bedtime. Apollo had fallen asleep on my chest about twenty minutes into the movie and even though I could have easily put him in his crib i couldn't bare to let go of him after missing him all week. The other two made it through the movie just barely long enough to say good night to Blake before making their way upstairs. As soon as the older boys were upstairs, Blake began putting his boots on.

"No don't go yet Blake. Let me go put the baby to bed then tuck the others in and I'll be right back. Please stay." He gave a small dimpled smile as if he was hoping I'd say that as he sat back down on my couch. About two bedtime stories later and three I Love You's, I made my way back down into the living room. 

"I think you were a hit with my kids. Zuma just asked if he could get cowboy boots for his birthday." 

Blake laughed, looking awfully proud. "I had a great time tonight. Thank you for having me over with your kids. It meant a lot." His voice is deep and serious again. 

"Of course... Now are you going to tell me what happened tonight? With Miranda." 

"I see you talked to Adam."

"Damn straight I did. Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you come over sooner? God Blake that's what I'm here for just like you being there for me." My voice is coming out a little rough which I don't mean for it to be and I hope he can see that this is mostly out of concern and worry over him, not anger. 

"I'm sorry Gwen. I just didn't want to bother you or ruin your time with your boys. I knew how much you were looking forward to it." He's leaning up against the kitchen counter at this point as I stand by the stove making tea and I can't help but feel sorry for him as he's looking down at his feet feeling embarrassed. I walk Over to him and force his eyes on mine. 

"Whatever happened to us being in this together remember? Cmon, talk to me." I take his hand in mine and lead him over to our spot on the couch where we sit very close. My legs are folded up leaning over on top of his as he nervously plays with my nails and fingers.

"Miranda called. I shouldn't have answered but I thought it had to do with some of my stuff she was supposed to send. But instead it was her, a little drunk, asking me to take her back. When I said no she started getting mean as she began naming off all the people she cheated on me with. And a lot of names were people I thought were friends of mine. I have no idea if it were true or not or if she was just drunk but it hurt regardless ya know? Like even if she was lying, that's the kind of woman I thought I was in love with. Someone who would do that to me. Boggles my mind.... Anyway so we started getting into it pretty bad and right before I was about to hang up she called me unlovable. And for whatever reason, that sort of stuck with me." It's silent for awhile as he stares down at our hands intertwined still fidgeting in a nervous manner. 

"Blake... Blake look at me. I don't claim to know everything or be the smartest person on earth. But I've never heard anything so unbelievably false then someone saying You, Blake Shelton, are unlovable. She's wrong. She's just wrong and there's nothing else to it. God, you are so lovable it's not even funny. To see how many lives you've touched, your fans, your family and family the crew, your artists. The list goes on. I didn't even mention how much joy you've brought to me and my kids otherwise we'd be here all night, but seriously, don't listen to her words, listen to mine. The more you stop listening to her words, the less and less they'll hurt you. I promise." 

His eyes have filled a little with water, mostly out of embarrassment but I place my hand on his cheek to make sure he knows that what I'm saying is true as he tries to avert his eyes. "It's ok Blake. You don't always have to be so strong." As soon as that last word left my lips it's as if a switch went off and he let go, slouching over with his head in his hands as he quietly began crying. I sat up and put my hands on his shoulders pushing him into a laying position so that his head was now cradled in my lap as I held onto him with one hand and stroked his hair with my other. Id never seen him be this vulnerable with me before and even though I'm sure he'll be apologetic in the morning, I'm beyond grateful that he's sharing this side with me. 

Not a lot of words are being spoken. I can tell this is one of those times when you need to just let someone cry it out and hold them while they break. Sometimes I'm not the best with words, not like Blake is with me. But stroking his hair, rubbing his back, swaying his body, that's something any mother could do in her sleep, and in this moment, it's luckily just what he needs. 

"God I'm sorry Gwen." He sits up off of my lap, rubbing his eyes, and I selfishly miss his weight on me. 

"Oh please Blake. I'm pretty sure I've broken down on you about a hundred more times. Besides, I like being able to help you." I wipe a stray tear from his cheek and my hand ends up lingering a little longer then necessary. 

Taking my hand in his , he turns his head into my palm and kisses it before bringing it into his lap. "Trust me Gwen, you've helped me in more ways then you know. Spending the last couple nights with you. Allowing me into your home with your kids. It's seriously saved me." 

I pull him in for a hug and as much as I want to kiss him it's not the right time for him. It's his time to vent and let go and jumping him would be selfish of me, just like him kissing me last night would have been selfish of him. So instead, I take him in my arms, Lean him back into me and lay on the couch together with his head on my chest this time. It's the first time we've laid like this and I sort of love it. I like holding him this way, I like resting my cheek on top of his soft curls smelling his shampoo.

"I know I can't spend the night with the boys here, and I understand. But is it ok with you if I stay a little longer?" His voice is almost a plea and I can't even pretend to deny such a request. "Of course cowboy." 

"I can move if this isn't comfortable. I'm probably crushing you." He starts to get up but my grip on him just gets tighter. 

"No... Please don't. I like holding you like this. Besides, you're keeping me warm." That makes him laugh like always as I feel his eyes drift shut knowing mine will soon follow. I know I should wake him pretty soon but instead I let him sleep. He deserves it. Besides, I know that even if he does end up spending the night, he'll be up before the boys who don't wake up till eight. Plus, I love having him here, I love holding him close. He talked about me and the boys saving him but really it's him whose saving me. One night at a time. God this feeling I'm feeling can't be simply a rebound, but if it is, then he can rebound all over me because I'm no where near ready to give him up. I'm terrified I might be falling for him because when have I ever been lucky in love. I've been heartbroken twice, both times leaving me more numb then before. Why would this be any different? I don't know, but something tells me it will be. All of these thoughts are making my eyes just get heavier and heavier as I place a kiss on his soft grey curls and let myself fall asleep. 

The next morning I wake up on the couch, under a blanket, but with no cowboy insight. It's a little passed 7am as I look around only to find a note on the coffee table with my name on it and a small doodle of a sunflower. He must have woken up and let himself out, not wanting to scare the boys by waiting around. Something I'm very grateful for. Rubbing my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the light and focus on the letters, I open his note only to find a single sentence. 

"Thank you for making me feel lovable."


	4. Chapter 4

Driving into work that morning I couldn't help but sport one of my biggest and brightest smiles. It's either due to quality time I got to spend my kids or the fact that I've spent the last three nights sleeping in Blake's arms and every morning I wake up, never wanting to let go. This morning was a little different though, since I was finding myself alone. I admit that it wasn't my favorite feeling in the world to go to sleep with someone only to find them gone the next morning. It's not his fault though, he was only doing what I asked if him because the boys were with me and being there during breakfast would have been way too soon and way too confusing for their little minds. But still, I didn't like not seeing him that morning. I wasn't angry or hurt, I was just more in a sort of pouting mood. His warmth and small kisses on my forehead are my favorite in the morning. I love seeing his hair extra curly, and his beard extra grey. I love hearing his super low, country voice say "mornin darlin" as he releases a sigh causing me to shiver. I love it all and I wasn't ready to give it up this morning. 

Since I had to drop the kids back off at Gavin's pretty early, I decided to just go straight into work. I didn't mind killing some time on set talking with the different crew members, besides, my house being so empty just makes me miss my babies more and more. The set is pretty quiet as I go to my trailer to drop my things down and answer a few emails. Right when I was about to take a walk, a knock comes at the door. 

"Good Mornin" it's Blake and he's already looking loads better then the last time I opened the door to him from last night. His hair is a little wet from what I'm assuming was a shower and he's wearing a light grey button down that I've never seen before, but I think it may be my favorite. It's matching his salt and pepper curls and making his eyes pop. Wow. Down Gwen. I guess I missed him. 

"Hey there." I give him a small hug that is over too soon. I can't really bury myself into his chest like I sometimes do because I see him carrying some drinks and bag of what I'm assuming is breakfast. I invite him in which he accepts gratefully, almost as if he was expecting to be turned away. 

"I brought you some tea and a bagel. Figured we could have breakfast together since I had to take off early this morning without saying goodbye." The gesture warms my heart especially when I realize that leaving this morning was just as hard on him as it was on me waking up alone. 

"Yeah that we not an easy morning to get through without you cowboy... But Aw Blake that's so sweet. Thank you. This smells amazing. How did you know I'd be here?" I sit us down on my couch as I take a sip of tea and let the caffeine hit my system.

"I didn't. I decided to just come straight here when I left your house and crash in my trailer for a few more hours. Then when I got out of the shower I saw you walk in and decided to go up to the coffee shop and get up something eat. Couldn't very well show up on your doorstep empty handed... And trust me, leaving you this morning want easy for me either." 

I jokingly punch his shoulder and giggle in his direction. I know it's his attempt at an apology and thank you for last night even though none was needed. "Well this is just what I needed. I woke up pretty early this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I must have been missing something... Or someone." 

He gives a tiny dimpled smile as he looks me right in the eyes and his gaze is so tender that it almost makes me cry. "Well, hopefully that doesn't happen to you again anytime soon." 

"I hope so too." 

For the next hour or so we hang out in my trailer talking and laughing. The conversation is light and easy and fun. I'm glad that when Danillo and Gregory come in to get started on my look he doesn't leave right away but simply moves to the side as to not be in their way. We all talk and goof around, and Blake is making us all laugh with tears coming down our face that Gregory has to beg him to stop so he can finish my make up. 

Every now and then I catch Blake looking at me through the mirror where we lock eyes for a split second, smile, before one of us looks away blushing. God I feel like a teenager. My two friends continue to give me a look with their eye brows arched when Blake isn't looking as to indicate they see what's happening between the two of us. I can do nothing but shake my head in disbelief. It's not that I'm ashamed or embarrassed, I'm just not ready to talk about what I'm feeling with anyone else. I sort of like the idea of keeping this thing between us a secret. Makes it a little more fun that way. 

As the show is about to begin I get a little sad this is the second to last day of filming before our big break away. I wonder what that means for Blake and I? I mean, I get that a lot of people would simply say to me that this is just a fling of convenience because we work together and see each other everyday, so then what will happen when we're apart? Will he forget about me? Will he still come over? Will he still hold me? Will he still let me hold him? I don't know the answers to any of these questions causing me to get more and more nervous over the uncertainty. Just as I'm circling the drain, our names are being called to the audience and I take my chair to start work. 

My team once again crushes it all day, but to be honest, so does everyone's. They all have such talented people on their team that being around this much different music is so inspiring to me. As the day winds down, and the teams are getting more and more filled, I start thinking about a subtle way to ask Blake if he wants to hang out afterwards. It's funny since we have met up for the past three nights so you'd think it was expected, but still, I'm nervous. 

As the end of the day is called, Blake gets up from his chair and waits for me to join him as we exit the building. I go to change out of my dress and into some jeans from this morning while Blake sits outside on the couch. We talk about the day and he comforts me a little when I pout over having to pick winners and losers which I hate. Finally I'm ready to go as we walk to our cars in the lot. I wish that walk didn't end knowing that we might have to say bye to each other once I reach my Range Rover. 

"So..." I'm nervous around him for the first time in a very long time. It's the kind of butterflies you get when your crush brushes your knee by accident and you hope it happens again. 

"So..." 

"Do you maybe want to go grab dinner cowboy?" Seriously why am I so nervous. This is crazy.

"I'd love to. But I've got a very hungry pup at home whose waiting for dinner herself..." My stomach drops at the rejection and I'm sure he can see the disappointment in my eyes as he gently grabs my hands in his. "...Which is why I was going to ask you if you wanted to come over to my house for dinner. It's nothing fancy but it's right up the road." 

A smile instantly brightens my face in pure joy. I've never been very good at playing it cool. "Yes! I'd love to, that sounds great. Plus I'd love to see your house." 

"Great, you can follow me in your car if you don't mind driving behind someone who actually goes the speed limit in this town." I throw my head back laughing and make my way into the car. I'd been to Blake's house about twice before but I'd never been inside. I know it's just a rental that he moves in and out of every year or so so I don't expect it to be fully decorated, but I'm still curious. So much of our time spent together has been either on set or at my house in my city, I want to see a little part of him that I've never seen before. Maybe childhood pictures, or family heirlooms, or maybe just some of his favorite records or books on the shelf. I love finding out these new things about Blake and since we met so late it life I feel like I have a lot to catch up on. 

About fifteen minutes later we pull up to his house. It's enormous. He waits for me at the front door as I grab my purse, while he enters the security code and hits the lights in front of me. 

"Wow, Blake this place is huge." I mean of course I expected him to be in a nice house considering how successful he is, but it makes me a little sad to think of him coming home late at night to an empty house. With the kids gone half the time now I know that feeling all too well. 

"Yeah, my agent found this one for me a few months ago. I had a different place that was actually really cool with a nice pool and everything. I got it to impress Miranda and try to get her to visit more. Guess that didn't work out too well." He laughs a little but I can tell its forced to not dwell on things. I grab his wrist in comfort because that couldn't have been a fun memory to just share. 

"This place is nice, it's just so big for one person. I go crazy being alone in mine when the kids are gone. As you know." 

"I'm not entirely by myself. I've got Betty... Bettyyyy?" He calls for the name of his dog that I've heard him gush over before but have never had the pleasure of meeting. Just then, still standing in his entry way, I see a medium size head poke out from around the corner.

"Hey there's my girl! What are you doing over there? Come say hi!" The dog takes a couple steps forward showing her beautiful black hair but then stops halfway before reaching us as she looks away timidly. "Sorry, she can be a bit shy to strangers. Cmon girl, I want you to meet Gwen." It's so cute watching Blake talk to his dog this way. It's not quite in a baby voice but it's nurturing and patient that it reminds me of how I've always thought he'd be an amazing dad.

Still looking a little unsure of me, I kneel down to the ground and put my hand out for Betty to come sniff. "Hey bunny, aren't you just beautiful. It's ok, I won't bite." Just then she takes the last few steps, sniffing my hand and then coming forward toward me as Her eyes close and her tail wags while I scratch behind her ears with my nails. I giggle and look up at Blake whose beaming from ear to ear. "I think she likes my nails." 

"Can't say I blame her." The three of us then make our way into the rest of the house as Blake gives me a quick tour. It definitely has that rental feel with the lack of personal touches but the simplicity of it all also reminds me of him in the most perfect way. And even though I'm a little bummed that I don't get to see any family photos, there's also something so incredibly warm and homey about this place. As I settle into one of his giant leather chairs, I realize how comfortable I could be in a house like this. 

I move over to sit at one of the bar stools in the kitchen as Blake begins making his homemade spaghetti, except with no meat in the sauce for me. Before I can even sit fully down, he's poured me and himself a glass of delicious red wine. It's weird, but this was always the sort of life I pictured for myself. Me and my husband coming home from work, having a glass of wine together, talking about our day as we cooked dinner, and with maybe some kiddos running around of course. Sure Gavin and I had good years, and good nights like this, it wasn't always bad, but even when we had nights like this, it always left me wanting more and I just remember always being disappointed when it wouldn't happen for another three months. I feel like Blake would be the kind of husband where this would be our life on a nightly basis. And I'm more then okay with that simple kind of life. 

As he cuts up some onions for the sauce and tries to hold back his tears, I start rambling over my kids. I've always been a talker when it's something I care about. In interviews or meetings I'm pretty shy but if you ask me about my music or fashion line or kids, you won't get me to shut up. And luckily Blake is a natural listener. He doesn't rush me or roll his eyes when I go off in a different direction. He just smiles and listens patiently, while occasionally making fun of my Southern California accent or my use of the word rad. 

"Sorry. I know it can be annoying to just hear about someone talk about there kids nonstop." I feel a little guilty. I mean they are my pride and joy but they can't be that interesting to a total stranger. 

"Don't be sorry. I love hearing about your kids. And I love watching you talk about them. Your face literally lights up and you get so animated telling their stories and using your hands and changing your voices. It's really cute. And they're really cute, I mean they truly are amazing kids. You're doing a great job raising them Gwen and You're such a great mother." As he's saying this, he's refilling my glass of wine and looking down and it's a good thing otherwise he would have seen me wipe a tear away like a sap. If he knew how many times I doubted myself and my mothering skills because of my job than he'd know how much his words meant to me. It was a constant fight with Gavin even though I hadnt toured since Zuma was born and he was the one who was gone 5 months a year with his band. 

"Did you ever want kids Blake?" It's an extremely personal question that I've never talked about with him. 

"Hell yes. Always. It was just something I always assumed would happen. It's actually one of the reasons I signed such a long contract when The Voice started getting popular after the second season. I figured it was a good steady job in one place, and that if a baby were to come I wouldn't really be able to go tour around the country as much anymore ya know? I had a whole plan worked out, but once again Miranda had something different in mind. It's funny how quickly I turned into the drunk fun uncle type in the public eye just because I didn't have kids. And I mean I went along with it cuz you can't exactly say oh I want kids but my wife wants her career more. Doesn't really work that way. Oh well, I guess some things weren't meant to be." He's turned his back to me as he stirs the sauce and there's a little bit of an awkward silence. 

"I think you'd make a great dad Blake." He turns back and gives a grateful smile before tending back to dinner. I don't say anymore or press the subject any longer in fear of depressing him. So instead I simply enjoy my wine and enjoy the view of this man cooking me dinner while his dog lays at my feet. 

****  
Dinner was delicious and I can't remember the last time I enjoyed someone's company so much. I love hearing his stories of him and his brother growing up and I can tell he actually enjoys telling them. It's as if talking about Richie keeps his memory alive. As we sit at his table, over empty plates and finishing off the wine bottle, I lean back very satisfied with that meal. 

"Did you like it?" 

"Oh my god it was so good. Italian is my favorite. I can't remember the last time I ate so much. Bagel for breakfast, pasta for dinner. You keep feeding me like this and I'll be 200 pounds." 

"Even if you were 200 pounds you'd still be the most beautiful woman in any room. So eat away darlin." I shake my head and look away not wanting to believe his kind words but once he places his hand on mine I feel his sincerity. 

Just then, the stereo that's been playing old folk music in background starts skipping causing Blake to jump up and switch songs. "Sorry about that. Do you want to listen to something else? I know you probably don't like this southern stuff. But we can change it."

"No, I love this stuff. Really. I might not know a lot of country but I grew up on bluegrass and folk music. It's all that was played in my house." I can see Blake's eyes light up as I talk about my love for this music and I think he may even be a tad turned on. 

"Wow! Really? I didn't expect that. I thought you were pure rock or pop or reggae or something super cool." 

"I mean I do love all that stuff. But this just reminds me of my childhood. I remember sitting on the stairs and watching my parents slow dance in the living room to some old folk song when I was supposed to be in bed. I don't know, it's like any time I hear this kind of music, it just sort of makes me feel like I'm home." 

"You make me feel like I'm home. Everyday." 

I can't find the words to follow his sweet confession as my eyes fill with tears. He leans in to wipe one away as I grab onto his fingers looking for some kind of physical contact with him. 

"I know I'm probably not as good a dancer as your dad, but can I have this dance?" Just then he stands up, seeming ten feet tall, and offers his hand. I don't think I could have refused such an invitation if I even tried. I placed my hand in his as he led me to the living room and oh so carefully brought be flush against his body. I swear I must look like a love sick fool as I melt into his embrace. I'm barefoot so I barely come up to his chest as I close my eyes and bury my nose into his soft flannel taking in his scent while I can. I'm holding onto him as if this may be the last time I get the chance because to be honest, sometimes I feel like this is all a dream and I'll wake up back where I was six months ago.

For such a big, manly man, I absolutely love how gentle he is with me. His hands are delicately placed on my back and holding my hand while we sway to the music in front of his fireplace. I can tell he's lost in the moment too as our feet have stopped moving and were only slightly swaying as his head rests on mine. Regardless of what happens between the two of us, The safety I feel in his arms is something I hope never ends. Whether it be from a friends or lovers comfort, I hope I never know what's it's like to miss Blake's embrace. 

Just when I start to wonder if this will be a moment that one of us will make our move as we dance to this beautiful music, the song ends and the album quickly changes to what was placed next. We both jump out of surprise as Earth, Wind, and Fire starts blasting at high volume. Both wide awake after our ears stop ringing, we both start cracking up at the sudden mood change as Blake starts dancing like a fool to Boogie Wonderland, twirling me around. We must look like idiots as we dance around the living room with absolutely zero rhythm singing at the top of our lungs while we open more wine and enjoy the music. 

It was around midnight by the time we had both collapse on the couch out of exhausting from our dance party, both laying longways along the couch, our legs intertwined with my head on his chest. We didn't even realize how late it was until his television switched over to record The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. 

"I didn't realize how late it was." I don't want to leave, I want to stay. But I've been so needy lately that I can't invite myself over again. So instead I start to get up off the couch. Reluctantly. That is I try to at least, until two strong hands return to my shoulders and pull me back down onto him. 

"I think it's my turn to ask you not to leave." I feel my body release a huge sigh at his invitation. "Stay Gwen. Stay with me."

There's a lump in my throat from the love I feel that I'm unable to respond although from the way my tiny fist is clinching his shirt, I think he's knows my answer. Once I let out a big yawn due to the day of filming and bottle of wine, he starts to get up and lead me upstairs for bed. As we walk to the master bedroom I'm a little nervous. Not about anything physical happening, he's knows I'm not ready for that, I'm just scared I'll be unable to share a bed with him after last time at my house. As we get to his doorway, he can feel me tense up. 

"Is this ok Gwen? We can sleep on the couch downstairs if you want?" I honestly think this man would sleep in the car if I asked him to.

Leading me in, his bedroom is like nothing I've ever seen. It's enormous, just like rest of his house, with a giant bed and leather sofas surrounding a fireplace. It's nothing like the room I once shared with my ex husband. And the best part is that it smells like Blake. It's smells like home. With it being so different then anything I've ever known, I don't have any memories to connect to it. I instantly start to relax as I make my way into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When I come out he's standing by the door holding one of his blue flannel button down shirts. 

"Here. I mean yours jeans can't be very comfortable and this will probably be a dress on you, but it's kind of soft." He hands me his shirt and makes his way into the bathroom as I change by his bed. He's right it is soft. I love his flannels, always have. Even during season 7 id look forward to his hugs hello because this fabric would always make me feel like Christmas. And this is no different. I change into his shirt, pulling the collar up to smell him as I get under the covers. A minute or so later Blake comes out wearing some cute pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt. 

"Wow, Gwen, that old flannel has never looked so good." I smile back at him with my bedroom eyes knowing that's about as far as I'm willing to take it tonight and lean into him as he scoots up behind me under the covers while turning off the lights. The bed is gigantic but you wouldn't know that from the way we're practically one, taking up only a fraction of the mattress. Kissing the back of my shoulder, he says good night and I lean back further into him while stroke my nails over his arm. 

"Blake?"

"Hmm. Yeah honey." 

"Do you think it feels weird that we spend the night together?" 

"No... I think it feels like home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so first off I just want to say thank you for all of the comments you all have been leaving. I know I hardly ever respond but I read them all and they make me smile. Second, I'm sorry for dragging this story out so slowly. When I start writing I almost never have a prompt or idea of where the storyline will go, and that was especially true with this one. I just sort of start rambling until something comes along. But I am sorry if this is moving slowly for some readers, but sometimes I feel like the g rates moments are the most toughing. 
> 
> And lastly- there will be a first kiss. I promise.


	5. Chapter 5

The sunlight is barely creeping in through the curtains of his room as I slowly open my eyes to Blake next to me. He's laying on his side facing me with his long arms in front of him and I can't help but smile at the little noises he's making in his sleep. It's early and I know I'll fall back to sleep in a few minutes but I also want to stay awake for a moment so I can remember this feeling. Today is the last day of filming before our break and tomorrow I'm leaving with my boys for a little vacation in Montana. I'm beyond excited to get out of town for a little bit with my three loves but I'm also feeling a little melancholy when I realize how much I'm going to miss Blake. 

Once I get back from my trip he'll be gone doing some shows around the country and spending time at his home in Tish. Which means Last night was the last time we'd be sleeping together for awhile and the notion that it could possibly the last time forever doesn't sit well with me. It'll be about three weeks before we're in the same city again and even though that's not very long, I get scared that things might change during that time. I mean look at everything that's changed In just the last week. I guess when I'm really honest with myself, I'm scared that Blake will forget about me. I'm scared that once he's away he'll remember how easy it is to not be around some needy, insecure woman all the time. Even though he's been very honest with his feelings towards me, I'm still scared he won't like me anymore. 

I don't know what I'm feeling or if I'm ready to take that next step but I do know that I'm not ready to stop what we've started. He's been so patient and gentle with me by staying over, holding me, kissing me sweetly on my head, wiping my tears away, and never once pressuring me to go further. It's as if he knows what I need and am ready for better then I do. Or maybe it's because he's just as scared as I am to take that jump. Because I'm such a mess and am not good at hiding it, I often forget about how broken he is as well. The other night when he came over for dinner with the boys reminded me of that. Blake has been such a rock of comfort for me that I sometimes see him as some kind of superman hero putting me back together. But having him cry in my lap as I cradled his whole body to me was so comforting and reassuring to see that he is just as human as I am, and I loved it. It made this whole thing real. It made me realize that this isn't just me falling for some kind of hero I've put on a pedestal or simply the "idea" of Blake. I've seen him down and a mess and vulnerable and I still want to be the one next to him. As I lay towards him, studying his sleeping face, I admit to myself for the first time that I'm actually starting to fall for him, and no one else. This realization I have is terrifying. I mean a few months ago I was still trying to save my marriage and now I'm laying in the arms of another man I have serious feelings for. But as terrifying as all of this is to admit that this is happening, I also don't want it to stop. And that realization is oddly calming. Im almost at peace when I slow down and think about it knowing that regardless of how this might go, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be with Blake. 

All of this clarity is becoming a little too much for me as I turn over on my side, scoot my back into Blake's chest and try to go back to sleep before our alarms go off. As I'm trying to get comfortable, I can feel him start to stir due to my restlessness. Im known to squirm a lot while I sleep and it always drove my ex crazy, often time sleeping as far away from me as possible. I'm scared that any minute Blake will do the same and move to the end of the mattress. Instead, I feel a warm, strong arm wrap around me pulling me closer into him as he whispers with his groggy voice, "I got you." I release a sigh of content as I realize the weight of his embrace is what I was looking for in my restless search for comfort. It's less then five minutes later that I fall back to sleep. 

 

A few hours later I wake up again, a little more rested, but without Blake next to me. I sit up and search the room, realizing again how new his home is for me. I should probably get up and start getting dressed but his bed is so comfortable that I can't bring myself to move. Even though his house is one of ten rentals he's stayed in, it's still oddly warm and homey. I think that has less to do with the actual house and everything to do with the man occupying it. Just then I hear footsteps coming down the hall along with the sound of Betty's collar jingling. In enters the cowboy, still in his pajamas, curls extra soft looking, beard a little longer, eyes super blue, holding two coffee mugs. I could tell he was trying to be quiet in case I was still asleep but as soon as he saw me awake, sitting up slightly, he stopped in his tracks with this strange expression on his face. 

"What's wrong?" My voice is extra groggy as I speak my first words of the morning. 

"Nothing..." He starts walking towards the bed again as Betty follows. "... I guess I just like having you in my room. You always look so beautiful in the morning, and today in my bed, wearing my shirt, is no different." He sits next to me, handing me the mug as I look down gratefully to see that it's tea and not coffee, but I can feel my shyness creep up as I turn away and laugh instead of taking his words seriously. 

"I don't even want to know what I look like this morning. No make up, hair in knots. I guess I should take a look in a mirror soon." 

"My eyes are the only mirror you need. So trust that I'm telling you the truth when I say how beautiful you look. Always. Make up or not Gwen, you always take everyone's breath away. Especially mine." As soon as his words are out he's looking away as if he's embarrassed at what he just shared. Almost like he thought he shouldn't have said that or overstepped for being so forward with a "friend" who I can tell is insecure about thinking he's not good enough for me or something. I don't want his head filling with those thoughts so I grab hold of him and bring him in for a hug, kissing his cheek and not letting go until I feel a smile appear on his face. 

We spend the rest of the morning just talking and laughing in bed, enjoying our caffeine as Betty rests her head on my thigh. It's crazy how normal this all feels. There are no tears, no ex stories, no nervousness. It's just a morning filled with cuddles, compliments, and comfort. And I'm more then sad when it has to end as we begin getting ready for work. I slide on my skinny jeans from the night before but leave on his shirt as I tie the ends. I don't want to take it off for many reasons, one being this way I can keep it longer and possibly take it with me to Montana for those lonely nights. God I'm so whipped already. 

*****  
The last day of filming feels like the last day of school before a winter or summer vacation. Everyone's in a good mood, goofing around, not taking anything too seriously, but still getting the work done. It's another short day which goes by relatively quickly. I say goodbye to some of the producers and crew members on set before making my way to the car to go pick up my boys and get ready for the barbecue that I was having at my house with my family along with the other coaches and Carson with their kids and families. I was really looking forward to it for so many reasons. I love hosting small casual parties at my house like this. I love being around my family and including them in my crazy work world which now includes a separate kind of family with my Voice guys. How did I get so lucky?

Picking up the boys from Gavin's I was on cloud nine. I was so ecstatic to see them and not having to go through another round of drop offs for at least a month since Gavin would be going on a mini tour. I kissed and hugged them for about five minutes each as they ran out with their backpacks. Luckily he was gone as his new nanny handed me a sleepy eyed Apollo who just woke up from a nap. I brushed away his longer curls and gave him kiss after kiss on head taking in his baby smell that I'm addicted to. After everyone is situated and seat belts are clicked, I make the drive home as I smile at all of their stories they are excited to share with me. Well just Zuma actually. As we pull into the drive way and Z races out inside, I notice Kingston being pretty quiet as he had just sat looking out the window not really interested during the drive. I wonder if this was just him being moody, maybe he's tired, maybe he's sick. 

"Hey baby, everything ok? You're being a little quiet. Are you feeling ok?" I place Apollo down in his high chair for a bit as I go and sit next to King on the couch and run my fingers through his hair. 

"Yeah. It's just a little weird. Not seeing you for a week then not seeing dad for a week. I get it, and I'm not a little kid so I understand but it's still weird." He's not crying or sad, and I can tell he's trying his hardest to act grownup. He just turned nine but he's always been the serious one. Even when his dad and I were together, I always felt like Kingston carried a weight on his shoulders for taking care of me and his brothers. Which I sometimes loved but also sometimes hated because, hello, I'm the parent. He shouldn't have to worry about this stuff at nine years old. Even though he'll always be my baby, I want to respect his need to act grown up and so I resist the urge to pull him into me and coddle him like I want to. "I'm sorry King. For everything. This is hard for everyone and I hope it'll get easier some day for you and your brothers. I just want you to know everyday that I love you more then anything." 

He gives a small smile, looking an awful lot like his dad, and finally looks me in the eye. "I do know that. I love you too mommy." Over the past few months he's called me mommy less and less. And I get it, he's getting older and might feel like that's what babies do. But my God. My heart seriously explodes the few times he does call me that, probably because I know it's going to happen less and less. 

****  
A few hours later, I walk out onto my patio with a glass of wine and just pause to take in such a beautiful scene: kids running around on the lawn, Pharrel and his son making small talk with my mom and Jen. Blake talking with my dad and brother as he took over grilling burgers, Adam and Behati sitting with Carson and his wife as their kids play with Zuma and my niece. It's beautiful, all of it is just beautiful and I'm loving every minute of it. The company is so carefree and easy that it's one of those nights I wish wouldn't end. I admit though that I can't help myself with stealing some suggestive glances at a very handsome looking cowboy as he laughs with my brother. It's amazing how well they seem to be getting along considering they've only met a few times on set. Blake usually sticks with just hanging with Adam or Carson at parties, so it's strange to see him branch out. I smile to myself as I wonder if he's trying extra hard to bond with my family because of how he feels towards me. God I hope that's the reason. 

Usually when we're on set surrounded by a lot of people, I sometimes wish that me and him were alone and every one would go away. But seeing him with my family warms my heart so much I start to get way ahead of myself and it makes me imagine and picture what it would be like to have him at birthday parties and holidays and Sunday brunch after church. I admit that it's a really good picture. Suddenly, lost in my thoughts, I see him walk over to where King is sitting and reading by himself, obviously still feeling a little off. I can't hear what they are talking about but I can see Blake trying to make small talk with him as he must have noticed him by himself. I didn't tell Blake about Kingston being upset, so it's incredible to see how perceptive he is on his own.

Slowly King starts warming up to him as I notice a smile on his face from something the cowboy must have said. Pretty soon, he's got him up off the chair as he picks up a football and starts tossing it back and forward. Pretty soon Adam and Todd have joined in as they start to play a small pick up game of football with the kids. The guys pretend to fall and run slow so they kids can tackle them as the rest of us watch cheering and laughing when someone gets a touchdown. Tears are running down my face as Blake gets thrown the ball and four small humans tackle him to the ground as he lays there with grass stains on his jeans pretending to be in pain. Jen and I soon join in not wanting to miss out on all the fun. There aren't any real rules happening so when I get tossed the ball, I can't even remember which direction to run in as I start to yell out pretending to be scared. Blake then runs over, picks me up and throws me over his shoulder as he runs me into the "end zone." It was the most physical contact we'd shared in front of people so at first I was a little shock but it also felt so natural that I didn't want it end. Afterwards Everyone is cheering, and laughing, and out of breath as we call it a game and start get everyone fed. I sit by my mom and Jen at one end as I help Apollo eat while everyone is spread out around the backyard at different tables enjoying their burgers. 

"Oh sweetie, tonight has been so fun. It's so nice getting together and meeting the people you work with." 

"Thanks mom. I'm glad you and dad could come. Those guys have been so important to me, we're like a mini family. They really have my back." 

"I can tell! Talking to each of them and hearing the amazing things they had to say about you, it warmed my heart to see what a great support system you have outside of this house. I mean they all truly care about you sweetheart." 

It's so nice hearing my mom say these things. Because the truth is, even if this chemistry between Blake and I wasn't happening, I would still be beyond grateful for the friendships and support from each of those guys. I'd probably still be in bed under the covers if it wasn't for the Voice. Before I can continue say anything back my mom chimes in again, this time a little more straight to the point. 

"So... Are you going to tell me what's going on with Blake?" My eyes widen and I'm surprised at her question, because I haven't spoken a single word of it out loud. Not even to Jen or Sophie. 

"What are you talking about? Nothing." I look away, never once being able to fib to my mother. 

"Gwen Renee Stefani, don't lie to me. I noticed the way you two look at each other when you think no one else can tell." Shes not angry, but there is concern in her voice and She's whispering at this point so no one else can overhear. I don't answer her. I don't want to lie but I also don't want to admit out loud what's going on because what do I say? Um that we spend the night together even though nothing happens and oh yeah I think I'm falling for him. I can barely get a handle on this myself let alone explain it to my mom. No, it's too soon. 

"Mom, don't worry, please."

"But I do worry honey. I'm your mom and I know how hard this has been. I just want you to be careful, that's all."

"Trust me, I am. And trust me that Blake's friendship and comfort has been a gift from God. I seriously think he sent him to help me through this ordeal. And that's the truth." And it really, really is. 

"Well, I have noticed how you seem to be a little happier lately. So if that's because of him then I'm grateful as well. I love you sweetheart, and I'm so so proud of the family you've gained at work." 

****  
About an hour later, after dinner and desert for the kids, we start cleaning up as people start their goodbyes and thank you's. My parents are the first to leave as its getting a little late for them and I can't help but notice my mom give an extra long hug to Blake as if to say "thank you for helping my daughter." Pretty soon it's just Blake, Adam and Behati who are helping put stuff away as I tuck in my kids seeing as it was way past their bedtime plus we've got a long day of traveling tomorrow to Montana. When I come back into the living room and I notice Adam and Behati getting their things together to take off, I hope Blake doesn't do the same. As they hug me good bye, I give a little tug on the back of Blake's shirt when the others aren't looking to indicate I want him to stay a little longer. Taking the hint, he says bye to the others instead of following them out. 

After they've left, it's just the two of us for the first time since this morning. We start washing and drying the last few glasses left, going slower and slower, both knowing that when we're done, it'll be time for him to leave. With nothing else to clean, we both lean against the kitchen counter as I search for anything to say to put off saying goodbye "Thanks for your help Blake." 

"Of course darlin. Thanks for having me over. You have such a great family." He gives a genuine smile that I think indicates how much he misses his own. 

"Yeah, I'm very blessed. I think my mom has a little crush on you to be honest." I kick his leg jokingly as he laughs and turns red from blushing which I'd never seen before and secretly adore. 

"That's sweet. But unfortunately Ive got it pretty bad for a certain other blonde from the Stefani clan." I smile from behind long lashes still on from filming and immediately walk into his arms. Luckily I had put my heeled boots back on when people started to leave so our height difference isn't too big right now. Because as much as I love pressing my face into his chest while he hides me from the world, I also love burying my face into the crook of neck where I can wrap my arms around him. The room is quiet as we stand hugging each other, neither wanting us to let go. 

"So... Montana." He says softly while still holding on to me. I love feeling the vibration of his voice against my body. 

"Yeah. A week.... And Oklahoma." 

"Yeah. Two weeks." We don't need to say a lot, we're both on the same page with what we are implying.

"God I'm going to miss you so much Gwen." Even though I figured he would miss me just as I would miss him, hearing his words out loud were almost too good to be true. So many times I'm the one who chases someone begging to be loved that it's so refreshing to finally hear someone say those words back to me. 

It's a little too much to be honest as I start to tear up and sniffle into his neck causing him to just hold on to me tighter. "Really? You promise you won't forget about me?" 

He lets out a small laugh as he rubs his hands up and down my back, "God Gwen, if you had any idea the kind of affect you have on me..." He trails off a little, almost scared to finish the sentence as he clings onto me, fully pressed against him, still refusing to let go until I suddenly feel him back away slightly. At first I get a little sad thinking he's ready to let go, until I feel him place his soft hand on my face with his other hand around my waist.

He leans his head towards mine as I close my eyes and meet him halfway, our lips meeting perfectly in the middle. Shivers run up and down my whole body. It's soft, and gentle, and we both don't move as we take our time not wanting to rush this moment that we've been dancing around all week. Dreaming about kissing him, I always assumed that I'd be comparing him to Gavin the entire time. I haven't kissed another man for twenty years after all. But I'm not, I'm not thinking of my ex one bit. Everything about Blake is new and foreign and absolutely incredible. As he pulls away just slightly, I realize how much I already miss his lips. He's leaning his forehead against mine and our eyes are still closed as I breathe into him. 

"I've been wanting to do that for some time now Gwen." He's speaking in a whisper and our lips are so close that I'm pretty much sharing his same breathe. 

"Me too. Please don't stop Blake." I know it might have come out a little desperate but I'm already missing the feel of his lips and am wondering what he tastes like. Not wasting anymore time he presses his lips against mine again, this time with a little more force as our hands and lips move around. Just as I'm about to take this into a full on make out, Apollos baby monitor suddenly goes off on the kitchen counter as he starts crying from his nursery. We both pause, our lips still connected, and then we both start smiling and laughing. 

"Of course. Perfect timing 'Pollo." I roll my eyes and laugh as I lean my head against his chest. 

He chuckles, kissing my head. "It's ok honey, go." 

Just as I begin to walk away, I turn back to Blake, pull his face down with both my hands and give him a firm, closed mouth kiss. "Just... Don't go anywhere... Ok?" 

I can tell he's a little dazed from the kiss I just gave him as he still holds on to me and I can feel his heart racing, "Darlin... Where on earth would I go?" 

I blush at his response, reluctantly letting go as I tend to my crying baby boy down the hall. I'm grateful that it doesn't take long to get him back to sleep. My heart is still racing from what just happened and I'm eager for more as I gently shut the door of his room. I start walking back to where I left Blake in the living room, and I suddenly get nervous. I find him against the kitchen counter, staring off, looking incredibly cool and collected and suddenly not being next to him seems like a huge crime. I come up from behind of him and he must not have heard me because I felt him jump a little as I wrap my arms his torso. 

"How is he?" He turns around facing me with my arms still around. I suddenly feel very possessive and protective over this man. 

"Asleep. He just needed a little attention from me." 

"I know how that feels." He's brushing stray hairs away from my face, and the feeling of his fingers on my skin is almost too much for me to handle as I look away unable to take the tenderness I see in his eyes. 

"Are you ok? We don't have to..." His voice is a little shaky as I cut him off. 

"No, no, Blake it's not that. I promise I want this. I want you. God the way you look at me, the way you kiss me, it's not...It's not typical. Ya know?" Blake smiles, closing his eyes, and I feel him relieved that I wasn't saying that it's moving too fast and we should stop. Just to get my message across of wanting to be here with him, I lean up on my tip toes and bring him in for a kiss. I'm shocked at how much I already long for the feel of him against me. Being a little bold, I open my mouth against his, but before he goes further into a make out, he pauses briefly. I hold on to him and nod my face slightly against his, indicating that it's ok and that I'm ready. The taste and feel of his tongue hitting mine is almost spiritual that I can't seem to get enough. It's not a filthy make out and it's not rushed, but it is hot, it is physical, and it is some sort of release of the tension that's been building around us for some time. 

We both know that this isn't going further then a make out session as he keeps his hands relatively north on my body, and I'm grateful for that, but still, I can't help but go exploring as I bring my nails up to his curls. I think I must have found a sweet spot because he suddenly releases a moan into my mouth that vibrates my tongue causing shivers down to my toes before settling between my legs. I smile into his kiss, knowing very well the affect I just had on him as he pulls away, both of us trying to catch our breathes. 

"God you're trying to kill me with those nails of yours beautiful." I giggle before returning to giving him sweet, light kisses on his cheek while occasionally nuzzling his neck. I'm not sure how long we had been making out for but suddenly fatigue started hitting both of us as we stood there simply holding each other, too tired to start up another hour long make out session, regardless of how much I want to. 

"As much as I'll miss you in my bed tonight, I know you got a long day of traveling tomorrow... I should probably go honey." Even though I know he's right, I scrunch my face against his neck, not wanting to think about him leaving. 

"Yeah..." I kiss his neck briefly, lean up to his ear, and whisper as if I didn't want anyone else to hear "... I wish you didn't have to though." I feel him hold onto me tighter and I know I'm simply playing with fire at this point so I decide to change the mood to sweet before we cross any lines that neither of us are ready for. "I'm going to miss you so much cowboy. I apologize ahead of time for calling you every day. Promise you won't get angry?" 

"I'll only get angry if you stop calling. That's my promise." 

We start walking towards the front door as I hold on to his hand. Sure we've held hands as we've slept or comforted each other, but walking, this feels different. It feels right, like a perfect puzzle piece finally finding its place. He opens the front door reluctantly, and I feel my eyes start to water. He wipes away my tears and brings me in for an incredibly loving kiss. "Do you have any idea how nice it is to finally be able to do that?" I blush at his sweet words and lean up for one last kiss before parting for the night. 

"Good night cowboy." He doesn't say a word as he starts walking towards his truck backwards, smiling back, never taking his eyes off of mine until he's reached his car. I lean my head against the door frame as I wave to him while he drives away, unable to be the first one to turn away. Finally when his car is out of sight, I shut the front door, lock it, and practically float to my room. I get ready for bed as I take off my make up, brush my teeth, pull on his flannel from the night before and crawl under the sheets. Hitting the lights off, I can't help but still feel the affects of his kiss on my lips. Touching them with my fingertips, I smile knowing none of it was a dream. As soon as I feel myself drifting to sleep, my phone buzzes with a text from Blake. 

"Leaving you tonight was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't know how I'm going to get through three weeks without seeing your smile, hearing your laugh, kissing your lips. It'll be hell. But I will say this, I'm going to sleep the happiest I've ever been. Sweet dreams Gwen."

"I feel exactly the same way. Night cowboy. Gx"


	6. Chapter 6

"You know, I actually kind of hate you Blake Shelton."

"Whys that darlin?" 

"Because you had all week to kiss me and you chose to do it ten hours before I got on a plane and not see you for three weeks. Seriously, that's not fare." He laughs at my half ass attempt to be mad at him even though we both know I'm just teasing. 

"Well I'm very sorry about that. I think I needed a week to get the balls to pull the trigger in the first place. Otherwise I would have jumped you the moment we first met. Besides, I realized that if you shot me down I'd have three weeks to get over the embarrassment of you rejecting my sorry ass." He laughs, and I know he's only joking but it still makes me a little sad. Of course he was nervous, I was nervous too, but I never wanted him to feel like he wasn't good enough for me. 

"I could never imagine rejecting you cowboy. Never." That seemed to make him feel better as the phone went quiet and for whatever reason I could tell he was smiling on the other end.

I've been in Montana for about four days now and it's been incredible. The property is so gorgeous and the boys and I are having such a fantastic trip. This seriously might be my favorite vacation ever. It's so quiet and serene that it reminds me of the life I once dreamed of having. Just some small cottage in the country with a garden and some horses and maybe chickens with all the kids running around. The mansion, the cars, the fame, sure it's great to have that security and not worry about money, but sometimes I wish I could just retire and live a quiet life. Live a simple kind of life. 

As great as the trip has been with my babies, I am missing a certain tall cowboy. We've been constantly texting each other throughout the days and I'll send him pictures of our adventures. And then at night when all the kids are tucked in and it's just me we'll talk on the phone for hours. It's crazy how that night back in my kitchen changed everything, and yet it all feels the same also. Our conversations were always easy and comforting except now I'm not scared to say things I was thinking because I thought they were crossing the line. Now that we've barely touched into being more then friends I'm not afraid to let him know when I think he's cute or when I want a kiss. And since I'm missing his lips so much from that one night, I pretty much always want a kiss. 

It's almost midnight in Montana as I lay in my big lonely bed talking to him on the phone. I miss him so much and haven't been able to sleep very well without him around. I admit that it's been a little better though now that I have something to look forward to and someone to make me smile, but still, I spend most nights tossing and turning making me think I'm subconsciously searching for his warmth somewhere on this ranch. 

"I miss you Gwen." His voice is low, serious, and incredibly sexy. I can tell he's laying down from the way his voice carries over the phone, and knowing that he's in bed like me is doing things to me. 

"I miss you too. I wish you were here with me right now." I can hear him give a little laugh on the other end as if he's thinking of something dirty, which, maybe I was. I mean, there's no way I'm ready to jump into having sex with another man just yet but I wouldn't mind making out with Blake for hours and hours. And I don't think he would object either. 

"I'll let you get some sleep beautiful. Text me in the morning. Sweet dreams." 

"You too cowboy. Night." Once we hang up I can't help but get a giant stupid grin on my face. Already missing him I decide to send him a selfie as I lay in bed, no make up on, under my white sheets of this giant lonely bed. I know it's a little bit of tease but at the same time it's fun being flirty and playful with someone who adores me. I seriously can't get enough of him. Taking about twenty different pictures, I send the one with my best pout and bedroom eyes captioning it with a "In case you forgot what I looked like. Gx." I blushed as I turned the light out and settle in for sleep as my phone buzzes one last time from the handsome cowboy with two text messages. 

"Holy fuck... I guess I know what I'll be dreaming about tonight." 

"PS, I could never forget about you Gwen. Never." 

*****  
Back in LA after Montana has been incredibly jammed packed. Even though I'm on break from the voice for a couple more weeks, many of my other projects are launching soon. I've got a line of eyewear coming out, some new clothes for the kids line, I'm partnering with urban decay for cosmetics, and I've actually been slowly but surely beginning to write music again. It's been so hard to go into the studio but also so therapeutic. Divorce proceedings are going further and the announcement will be made public in a couple days causing a ton of anxiety to keep me up at night. I know this is the right move, I know that I'll get through it, but I just wish more then anything I could shield my kids from the amount of press that will go on. It's not like we watch those gossip shows or read the magazines but at the same time, it's hard to avoid that stuff from them. It's not their fault, they didn't ask to have parents in the public eye, they didn't ask to see rumors about their mom and dad, they shouldn't have to go through it. I just want to keep them in a bubble forever. Stupid, I know, but they're my babies. Forever. It's my job to protect them. 

I admit it's been extra hard going through all of the lawyers and proceedings without Blake around. Even though we still talk everyday and our relationship is stronger then ever, it's just different having him here. He's my best friend right now and sometimes he's the only one can make me smile. So when I come home from hours of fighting over who gets MY money or finding out the amount of times Gavin fucked the nanny in OUR home, it's more then disappointing to be so far away from a man who makes me feel whole again. I know I shouldn't depend so much on someone, I know I need to learn how to fend for myself, I know there's a chance I'll just be let down, but the truth is I don't care. I want Blake. I want to be with him. I want to let him save me and I want to be the one to save him. I want it all. 

Fortunately for me, he's coming back to LA tonight. It's been a long three weeks without his arms, without his scent, without his lips. God those lips of his have kept me up at night. That moment was so long ago that it's almost like a dream. The flirting and sexual tension that has been building up on the phone is off the charts. I can't believe the amount of selfies I've sent him, something just comes over me when we talk. I never was desired by Gavin, I never was called beautiful or sexy, I was always old news to him. But my god the way Blake talks to me, the way he looks at me. I swear it's as if I'm the only woman on earth and he sees no one else. You'd think after being cheated on a million times for twenty years I'd have issues trusting another man, and in someways that's true, but with Blake it's so easy. So easy it's scary actually. 

"Hey Gwen, just landed. I'll be over in twenty."

Suddenly my stomach is full of butterflies. I've been waiting for this moment for weeks and now that it's here I'm so nervous I feel sick. What if he doesn't feel the same way anymore and he's moved on? What if he expects sex tonight and he gets mad that I'm not ready? What if after we kiss that spark is gone? God what's wrong with me? Why can't I ever just turn my brain off and enjoy the moment. Suddenly the door bell rings...

Opening the door to Blake on the other side was like coming up for fresh air. Standing in jeans, a blue button down and his ranch hat with the biggest smile on his face made all my butterflies disappear as he opened his arms causing me to instinctively walk into him. I buried my face in his chest as he wrapped me up, kissing my forehead while I took deep breathes trying to inhale him as much as possible as if this were my only chance. 

"Hey you... God I missed you Gwen." Were still holding on to each other in my doorway and I'm no where near ready to let go. 

"I missed you too. So much. I missed this." The warmth of his body feels so comforting and so much like home that I actually start to get emotionally as I give a sniffle into his shirt. I didn't realize how much I missed him until this moment. His embrace around me only tightens as he feels me tear up, never once rushing me or making me feel like I have to hide my crazy mood swings. "Sorry. Can we just stay like this a little longer Blake? Please." 

Speaking in no more then a whisper, "Darlin... we can stay like this forever if you want." I smile into his chest as I feel his heart beating. The rhythm of it is oddly calming as I start to feel my tears drying and my anxiety fading. Finally... I take him by the hand and lead him into my house. 

"Are the boys still up?" He takes a seat on one of the bar stools while I stand in the kitchen fidgeting with dishes. 

"No. Actually King and Zuma are both at sleepovers so it's just the baby here tonight and I got him to sleep about an hour ago." I was avoiding his eyes as I turned my back to him to put a tea kettle on the stove. I don't know why. Maybe it's because we didn't kiss at the door so now suddenly I'm self conscious of when or if it will happen. I mean wouldn't he have kissed me if he wanted to? Suddenly, I feel his frame standing directly behind me and two large hands resting gently on my shoulders.

"Gwen..." I don't turn around. The sound of his voice behind me is so erotic that I almost prefer it this way. I feel his breathe on my neck and collarbone, followed by two soft lips. I can do nothing but close my eyes and lean my back into his front as he places kisses up and down my neck and shoulder. My hands are planted on the kitchen counter as his explore my arms and stomach. I don't want him to stop but I don't know how to ask for more. His lips then move up to my ear lobe which he takes into mouth and I swear he could have heard my knees buckle. "I swear baby..." Another kiss behind my ear "... I've thought of nothing but you since I left your house that night. Nothing but this." 

Unable to take the distance anymore, I turn the stove off, turn around in his arms and pull him down for a kiss. I've waited too long for this moment to shy away now. The kiss starts off soft and tender but seeing as we've been away for three weeks now while sending sexy pictures back and forward, it quickly moved into passionate and little lustfull as I sneak my tongue into his mouth. My hands automatically go into his hair as I start playing with his curls causing him to moan into my mouth (A reaction I remembered from that first night and one I know I won't forget). As I stand on my tip toes, our height difference is becoming a little bit of a problem as he tries to get more leverage. Suddenly, his knees dip a little and I feel him pick me up mid kiss causing me to smile in shock at how easy it was for him. I don't know why I'm being so bold but as soon as he lifts me up, my legs automatically wrap around him and his hands then go to my ass. We're making out like teenagers as he starts walking me from the kitchen to what I'm assuming is the couch. I wouldn't be able to tell since my eyes have been closed the whole time as I concentrate on nothing but the ecstasy of his lips on mine. 

Blake has been so sweet and gentle with me that seeing this side of him is actually incredibly hot. I know we won't be going all the way tonight but my god I'm not sure how I'd be able to stop at the same time. Suddenly, I feel him make a small detour as a cold, hard, hallway wall hits my back. He's using the wall as leverage as he starts marking my neck causing me to wrap my thighs around him tighter as I moan quietly into his shoulder. "Blake, oh god..." Before I can even finish my thought his lips are on mine and his tongue is massaging my mouth. He slowly has started grinding into me against the wall and it feels so real that I can do nothing but move along with him. 

Pretty soon, I'm being laid down on the couch gently with him following. The weight of him on top of me is new and intoxicating. I never knew how much I would crave the feeling of a man on top of me as much as I do with Blake. Every time he backs his body up slightly, I pull him back down. Our make out session slows down a bit on the couch as we go from filthy back to sweet. I can tell he's really concentrating on making me comfortable as he keeps shifting his weight. I finally wrap my legs around him again, locking him down as I start wiggling my hips. He takes the hint as he starts up his slow grind again and the feel of his growing erection against my center is suddenly not just something I imagined on those lonely night but is instead a reality. I don't know what's coming over me considering what i was thinking a few minutes before he arrived, but I suddenly find my fingers starting to unbutton his shirt as I bit his lip to hold back my moans. I know I'm playing with fire at this point. That is... Until I feel his hands on top of mine. 

"Gwen Gwen, baby, wait slow down." He's pulling away slightly as we both pant for air. You can tell both our heads are spinning as we try to regroup. I swear we could have been making out for five hours or five minutes, I have no clue. He begins to sit up slightly from on top of me and I suddenly feel all of the insecurities from my marriage flood on to me. The amount of times Gavin backed away from making love to me was too much to bear. It really was Apollo was conceived to begin with. 

I sit up next to him feeling incredibly naked even though I'm fully clothed. "What is it Blake? Did I do something wrong?" 

His hand grabs mine immediately as his other one goes to my face forcing me to look at him as I try to hide. "Oh my god of course not baby. You are seriously a dream come true and trust me when I say that I would love nothing more then to continue down this path right now. But..." 

"But what?" 

"But I'm not ready for that Gwen. And I don't think you are either." I can feel my whole body relax as I'm relieved he knows me so well. We got so caught up in the lust we had been missing that we forgot that we're still two broken hearts, barely able to take baby steps. 

I kiss his hand that is placed on my face and give him a grateful smile before he continues. "I missed you so much Gwen. I missed your laugh, your smile, your brown eyes, your touch, and yes of course your lips. Of course part of me wants to just say fuck it and take you into the bedroom right now but Gwen, I care about you too much to rush things. If I learned anything from these three weeks apart it's that what I'm feeling for you isn't a rebound, and it's not just a placeholder, what I feel towards you is real. It's so real that I want to do this right, and I want to do right by you darlin. I don't want to mess this up Gwen. Because...I can't... I can't lose you." 

He's averted his eyes at this point, indicating how vulnerable he is and scared of how I might react. "I can't lose you either Blake." His eyes slowly meet mine and I can tell from how they're glistening that he had started to tear up. I swear his baby blues could burn a whole into my heart. 

"And you don't have to convince me that what we're feeling is real. I knew it was real after the first time you held me all night long without making a move. I'd never felt more safe or more cherished in my entire life." I move closer to him as I re-button the top of his shirt from where I got a little carried away and then moved to kiss his cheek before settling my head on his shoulder as he wrap his arm me. "Thank you for stopping us Blake. I don't think it would have been a mistake, but you're right in that we aren't ready. Besides, what we have is way to good of a thing to rush through." 

"My thoughts exactly beautiful. Although I'm probably considered the dumbest man on earth right now for giving up the chance to make love with the gorgeous Gwen Stefani." I jokingly elbow his stomach as he squirms and tries to tickle me back before finally giving me a very loving kiss. The kind we probably should have started with to begin with at the door. "Since the older boys are gone... Do you want to maybe stay tonight? Yeah know, like how we used to." 

"Now that's something I can never turn down. Waking up to your head on my chest is what I've missed most over the past few weeks." I grab his hand and lead him into my bedroom. The last time we were in here I had a panic attack which resulted in him sleeping on the floor. I don't think anyone has ever been that gentle with me before. But still, I'm ready to move past my issues, and even though it'll be hard, I want to make those steps with Blake. 

Since Blake had come from the airport, he luckily had a change of clothes as he switched into some pajama pants and tshirt while I got ready in the bathroom by slipping on his flannel that I stole from his house when I spent the night. I'd slept in it almost every night since and I didn't even think twice about putting it on tonight until he started laughing at me when I emerged from the bathroom. 

"Do you know how long I'd been looking for that?" He climbs into bed shaking his head and I soon follow as he holds up the sheets for me. 

"What? I thought you said I could keep it?" He knows I'm lying and playing with him but I also know how much he loves it when I get girlish with these things. It brings out his dimples immediately. Once under the covers I move into him and give him a very deep kiss. It would have been so easy to go back into a make out session but being in a bed might make it a little more difficult to stop. So I give one final swipe of my tongue against his before backing up with a tiny smirk while I see his head spin, making him forget what he was upset about to begin with. 

"Yeah... You're right... You can keep it. Fuck you can keep anything if you kiss me like that again." 

I laugh and kiss him on the cheek before back up a little "Down boy, baby steps remember?" 

"I'm really hating myself and my logic right now... Oh well, this is all I really wanted anyway." Suddenly I feel his arms wrap around me from behind as he gives a small kiss to the back of my head. Finally, the warmth and safety id been craving for weeks was back. What I'm feeling for this man is so real it hurts. God I'm in trouble. 

"Good night, my sweet Gwen."

Yup. So much trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I was in LA for the weekend. Also, sorry about this chapter. It's kind of a filler chapter as I regroup a little. Im having a little bit of writers block and I don't really know how far to take this story. I honestly didn't intend for this fic to go past a couple chapters when I first started it. So anyway, next chapter probably won't be for a few days as I get a little more organized on where I want to go with this. Thanks for reading :)


	7. Chapter 7

It had been about a week since Blake had gotten back to LA and we'd spent almost every day and/or night together. We are still taking things slow in the physical department although there have been a couple close calls under the bed sheets. But since the kids have been with their father this week, I've been lucky enough to fill that void in my heart with kisses and cuddles from the cowboy almost every night. That first night he came back and we had the initial "let's do this" conversation, it took all of our will power to not rip each other's clothes off on my couch. Luckily, he pried his lips off of mine long enough to collect his thoughts before we rushed into anything. 

Sitting on his couch now with my journal as he cooks dinner for us, I can't help but get lost in how comfortable this feels. That might be one of my favorite things about being with Blake. I can finally be myself, I can finally be relaxed without worrying about whether or not I was living up to HIS expectations. When you are in the public eye, people constantly have these expectations of the person they think you are or the person they think you should be. It could be from record labels, managers, photographers, journalists, fans, whomever. But the reality of it is that the majority of the time, their expectations of who I am are usually so high that I constantly felt guilty for letting someone down. And unfortunately, my husband was one of those people. I always tried to be the person who he wanted me to be, the Gwen Stefani in the public eye. The one with perfect make up, perfect hair, perfect style. All twenty four seven no matter if I was sick or tired or pregnant or whatever. I had to be that badass rockstar icon unconditionally for him. And I did it. I did it for almost twenty years that when he moved out, it felt weird to not go into that mode anymore. It took weeks of crying in bed and crying on Jens couch and crying on Blakes shoulder to realize that it was ok to be myself. That I'm not letting anyone down, in fact, the real me is the person Blake seems to like better then the idea of me. And how could I resist that. 

"Hey... Pretty girl? You in there?" Suddenly I hear his country twang from the kitchen and I snap out of my thoughts from behind my journal. 

"Yeah sorry babe, what's up?" I love being able to call him little pet names and I can tell he does too. 

"It's ok, do you want some wine?" I nod with a little smile as he walks over with two glasses, handing me one as he sits down on the couch and pulls my feet on top of his lap. It's a quiet summer evening in his rented house as music plays in the background from his speakers in the kitchen. Something country in assuming since I don't recognize the artist. He rests his hands on my legs as he rubs his thumbs over my jeans and leans his head against the back of the couch, closing his eyes. 

"Tired cowboy?" I move up slightly and run my fingers through his soft curls. He lets out a small moan and leans his head into my hand just like a dog would do causing me to smile. I feel a little bad that he's tired since I'm assuming it's because Apollo was so fussy last night. The baby had been a little under the weather so I agreed to take him last night so the other two wouldn't get sick. I normally wouldn't have Blake spend the night with the kids around but since it was just the baby I thought it would be fine. Unfortunately he probably regretted saying yes to spending the night because the baby monitor went off almost every hour. My poor baby boy just could not get to sleep and because of it I was getting up constantly, prying myself out of his arms which I'm sure must have woken him up. I know for a fact he got up too because I had fallen asleep in apollos room in the rocking chair one time, and when I awoke about an hour later a blanket had been placed around me. What a sweetheart. Not too many men would put up with a single mom of three, but I'm beyond blessed to have found one of them. 

"Sorry about last night. Pollo had kind of a rough night. I bet you regretted sleeping over." I tried to diffuse it with a joke but my biggest fear is that my crazy home life will become to much for him and he'll move on.

He opens his eyes slowly and moves to rest his whole body on mine, placing his head on my chest while I hug onto his back. I love the weight of him on top of me. Sure it's a little heavy, but it's like a perfect blanket of security and tenderness all wrapped up in a soft flannel. "Don't apologize. I have rough nights too. I'm just glad the little guy was feeling better this morning." 

"I know, but still..." I'm cut off immediately by his head lifting up and his denim blue eyes meeting mine. 

"Gwen... I'm not going to take off or give up time to spend with you just cause your kids are sick or they're having bad days. I just want to be around you babe, no matter what." He leans up and gives me a small kiss. "So stop feeling guilty about your incredible life... K?" He starts kissing me again and my stomach gets butterflies because I guess I'm still not used to the feeling of his lips.

"Ok.... Thank you." 

"For what?" 

"For making me feel like it's ok to be myself around you. I haven't had that in such a long time that I sort of forgot who I was." My brow furrows and my eyes well up as I start to look away. I can feel my insecurities creep up and I try to stop it but I can tell he's seeing my lips quiver and my body tense up. 

"Well let me remind you of that then. You're Gwen Renee Stefani. An incredible daughter, sister, mother, and friend. You have the biggest, warmest, kindest heart out of anyone I've ever met. You're so unconditionally selfless for other people around you that it makes me want to be a better man even though I know it would never be enough. You love your children more then life itself and you make sure they know it everyday. You're shy, and bashful, and tender, and gentle, and sensitive, and so beautiful it hurts. That's who you are Gwen. You're real. You're human. And that's the best part."

My arms wrap around his neck as I begin quietly crying into his shoulder. His words were so perfect, so kind. It's as if he knows all of my insecurities and stays up at night thinking of ways to fix them with his magic band aids of compliments. My favorite part of everything he said about me was that not once did he mention my fame, my career, my image. Sure he called me beautiful but I just knew he wasn't talking about the beauty of my make up or outfits, it was different. He makes me feel whole again. He makes me feel like myself. And I can't let this feeling go. 

I pull him up for a kiss out of gratitude and it doesn't take long before our tongues are crashing against each other. We've had some pretty legendary make out sessions this week leaving us both incredibly hot and bothered. The amount of marks I've had to cover up is hilarious in itself. I don't think I've had to do that since my twenties, but still it's fun. And I can tell he likes it. He likes it when I mark him up and I can see his little crooked smile when he marks me. And right now I can tell he's going in for the kill on my neck. His kisses hit me like lightening and I never want him to stop. Missing his lips I pull his face up from my neck and I stick my tongue down his throat tasting the red wine he had drank. 

"Mmm you taste so good cowboy." He smiles into my kiss as his hands begin to explore my stomach and breasts. He's hovering over me at this point as I place my hands on his lower back pulling him down on top of me. I wrap one of my legs around him as I start slowly thrusting my hips. Just like our other make out sessions, I can feel his erection under his jeans and it's making me hotter and wetter by the second as his bulge comes in contact with my throbbing center. 

"Babe... We should stop... You're pushing all the right buttons with me right now." Damn his logic, but God I don't want to. We don't have to have sex but I'm ready to move a little forward. Instead of letting up I decided to take charge a bit and wrap my other leg around him, caging him in and bringing my mouth up to hisear lobe. 

"Do you have any idea how hot you get me cowboy?" That seemed to really get his engine going cause right after the words left my mouth he began thrusting into me as if there were no clothes between us. His erection is massive at this point as I feel the head hit against my clit causing me to moan out his name. I'd never done that before, but at this moment it's all I could manage to do as he pressed himself against me while kissing my neck and holding my breasts. 

"Oh god... Blake, this feels so good. Don't stop." Even though I'm fully clothed, I could feel my orgasm approaching. A feeling I hadn't felt in a very, very long time. A feeling I didn't think I'd ever feel from another man again. My whole body breaks out in goosebumps as I start breathing louder. Moving his head back up to mine, he immediately finds my lips as I try to get my breathing under control which isn't going well considering his hips haven't stopped moving. 

"I want to make you come Gwen... I want to see you in ecstasy baby, can I do that for you? Right now?" I mean seriously, who would say no to something like that? I'm barely able to nod my head since my voice doesn't work before he thrusts into me with purpose. With his hand caressing my breast, and his lips on my ear, I know I'm ready to explode. I cling on to him tighter as I throw my head back into the pillow with my mouth open. "Come baby, it's ok, let go." 

"Ohhhhh Blakeeee." As soon as my orgasm begins his attention to my body only increases as his thrusts get longer and deeper. It had been so long since anyone had pleasured me that it seemed as if it had lasted an hour even though I'm sure it was just a couple minutes. Either way it felt incredible, better then incredible, it felt perfect. And it made me want more... Some day, hopefully soon. My whole body goes limp after coming down from my climax and my arms are barely able to hold onto him any longer. He nuzzles my neck allowing me to catch my breath while I wear the biggest smile and feel as if I had been fucking all night.

"Wow.... Baby.... Wow. I mean, I can't believe I just did that." I suddenly feel a little embarrassed. I wasn't exactly quiet or lady like in the way I just pretty much asked for it from him. 

"I can't believe how absolutely beautiful you look right now." I shake my head and close my eyes at his compliment because I can feel my face sweaty and my makeup is probably everywhere. "Hey... Open your eyes so I know you heard me." I pry them open to see the most adoring look on his face as he gives a tiny dimpled smile. "Beautiful Gwen." He kisses me tenderly in that moment which is what I needed to help with my insecurity of how forward I was. It was turning into a really nice moment until we suddenly smelled something burning in the oven making Blake shoot up off the couch. 

"Oh crap! I forgot dinner was in the oven!" He runs over pulling out a very burnt casserole as the smoke fills the kitchen. He opens a window to clear out the smell and I can tell he feels bad for ruining dinner. I walk over to him, even though my legs barely work, wrapping my arms around him from behind as he surveys the damage and I start giggling into his back.

"I'm so sorry I burned dinner. God I'm an idiot. Are you mad?" The fear in his voice actually breaks my heart. I wonder if this insecurity of his is due to Miranda beating him up emotionally or if it's due to the fact that I know he sometimes doesn't feel good enough for me. Either way I want, no I need, to fix it. 

I turn him around so that he's facing me while I wrap my arms around his torso. "Cowboy, how could I possibly be mad at you after you just made me feel so incredible. I mean the way you made me scream was something I'll be thinking about on lonely nights. Besides, it was my fault for distracting you by pretty much jumping your body." That made him laugh as I saw the light coming back to his eyes. "Seriously though honey, you don't have to worry about that stuff with me, ok. You don't have to be perfect and neither do I. You're real, you're human. And... You're my favorite." Repeating his words back to him seemed to do the trick as he gave me a hug and kisses my forehead. 

"So, how about I order Chinese?" 

"Mmm sounds great cowboy." 

*****  
As the days went on, Blake and I grew even closer. The fact that we weren't having sex yet seemed to make everything else so much more meaningful. Like, if we were sleeping together, we could just hide behind the fact that this is simply physical and meaningless. But since we're not, it's much more real. It's scary, and we've never really talked about it or what we are, but it's exciting at the same time. 

The taping of the voice is getting closer which means both of our divorces will be announced very soon. His first and then mine. I know it's weighing on him. Just like me, he knows it's the right decision but still feels guilty for having a failed marriage. After a meeting at the studio with the other coaches and Carson, Pharrel invites us over for drinks at his house. Always wanting to spend more time with P, I accept immediately with Adam following. Unfortunately, Blake politely declines saying he already has plans he can't cancel. I give him a puzzled look since we've spent almost every night together but let it go. It's not until later in my trailer when I'm packing up my bag that I hear what's going on. 

"Sorry, I meant to tell you, I've got... I've got to see Miranda tonight." My stomach drops. I wasn't expecting that. Not in a jealous way, at least I don't think so. I'm not sure actually.

"It's to finalize divorce stuff and property and just talk about how we're going to go about this with the public and fans and everything." I get it, I really do, but I still don't like it. 

"You have to do that in person? I mean I'd give anything to not see Gavin's face ever again." He laughs a little as he grabs my hand kissing my knuckles. He can probably hear the insecurity in my voice. 

"Yeah unfortunately I do have to do this is person. It'll be fine though. I promise" I can tell he's slightly lying although I don't blame him since he's only doing it to make me feel better. With that we kiss goodbye as we get into separate cars and drive away for the night.

****  
I hadn't been over to pharrels house in so long I forgot how crazy the energy was. He's always got some new passion going on whether its art or furniture or cooking or whatever. So it always makes things interesting. He's mentoring some new R&B singer right now who he's hanging out with in his recording studio while Adam and I hang out on his porch drinking coronas. 

"It's weird hanging out with you Gwen without Blake around." I know he's only teasing me but he's also right. I can't remember the last time me and him were apart. Especially around the other guys.

"Stop, you know I love you and P just the same. It's just been nice having someone go through the same thing ya know?" Adam doesn't know about me and Blake being more then friends but I'm still able to talk about us keeping each other company without raising any red flags. 

"Well, that situation you share with him might be changing soon." Adam raises his eye brows as if he has some good gossip.

"What do you mean?" I'm confused, did Blake tell him about us?

"Miranda's been texting me a lot the past couple weeks. Which is super annoying since we never got along. But anyway, she's been texting me a lot, probably cuz she knows I'm with him, saying how she's going to get him back and that's she's changed and blah blah blah. I think that's what tonight was about. She's going to give some big speech to giving it another go with him and I pray more then anything that he doesn't fall for it." 

My heart literally breaks. I feel numb.

"Oh." I'm seriously stunned at what I'm hearing. "Do you think he... Do you think he would want to get back with her?" I'm trying not to sound too needy as my voice starts to crack at this thought of losing him.

"Honestly, I'd love to say no and even though he knows she's bad for him and that she won't make him happy, I also know that walking away from his marriage was incredibly hard for him. He hates abandoning things, and even though it wasn't his fault, it's how he feels."

"Yeah..." My thoughts fade off as Adam gets up and walks to the recording studio to hang with Pharrel. I stay and sit on the porch, as my head spins and my thoughts spiral out of control. I was in this sort of crazy fog all the way home and it wasn't until the front door shut behind me that I began to snap out of it. 

What was happening? Was I losing Blake? Was he going back to her? Was a couple hours ago the last time I'd kiss him? Hold him? I can't bare any of these thoughts. My eyes start filling as I lean against the kitchen counter staring out the window into the backyard. This is the exact spot we had our first kiss. It was only a month or so ago. It was light and short but my god, even then there was something about it that made me think that that might have been the last first kiss I'd ever have. 

I don't want to lose him, but I also can't exactly blame him if I do. The amount of times I ran back to Gavin or let him come back after he swore he'd change or that we could work it out. It's easy to believe those words, it's easy to fall for those promises. You almost have to in order to believe that everything you worked for wasn't for nothing. So I understand, I truly do. I just also hate it. A part of me knows this isn't what's suppose to happen. God knows I don't know if he's supposed to be with me, but I sure as hell know he's NOT supposed to be with her. Blake deserves someone kind, and warm, and loving, and sweet. He deserves someone who makes him feel cherished and treasured and protected. He deserves everything. 

I want to be that everything. 

God why did it take me so long to admit that to myself. I don't want to be with someone else, I don't want him to be with someone else. I want to be his person, and I want to be beside him the whole way though this crazy time and then some. What the hell am I doing here? I have to tell him this before it's too late. I have to find him before she's gotten her claws into him. 

I grab my keys and fling the front door open to find Blake jump back on my steps startled by my presence. I can't believe he's here. My heart drops when I realize that I must be too late, he must be here to break up with me.

"Blake? I was just on my way to....What are you doing here?" I'm nervous, and so is he. 

"I just came from that business with Miranda. Turns out she had a lot to say to me. She went on and on about how she's changed and that she misses me and still loves me and wants to give this one more try. That we were meant for each other." My heart is breaking as I anticipate where this conversation is going so I unconsciously take one step backwards as he takes one step forward before he continues.

"It's crazy because as much as there was a time months ago where I would have given anything to hear her say those words..." My head falls as I look to the ground until two hands are suddenly on my cheek "... But this time all I could think about the entire time was getting back to you, to getting home to you, in my arms." My eyes suddenly fill as a look of surprise comes across my face. 

"W-What?" 

"I left Gwen. I saw no point in spending one more moment with her when the girl of my dreams, the girl of my reality was just a drive away. I probably should have told you this a long time ago, I guess I was scared, but I want you Gwen, all of you, and only you. Miranda is my past, forever. And ever since I saw again this summer, and you smiled that smile at me with those brown eyes of yours, I've never looked back." He pauses for a moment as he sniffles a bit, his emotions overcoming him. 

"I choose you Gwen. Always. And Forever." 

I can't contain myself as I throw myself into him arms, kissing him all over as I cry happy tears while whispering "I choose you too" into his ear. It's not a declaration of love, but it's just as powerful and meaningful as we start out commitment towards one another. I know this is the right decision, I don't know why considering how unlucky in love I've been, but Blake makes me feel brave in a way I've never been. I trust him with my heart. And I'm finally ready to trust him with my body as well. 

"Blake?" I lean back from His kiss while still holding on to his shoulders. 

"Yes baby?" 

"Take me upstairs. Make love to me."


	8. Chapter 8

I can barely remember the trip of Blake walking me up to my bedroom. Once he said the words "I choose you" all I could do was jump into his arms and give him everything I have, which I'm terrified won't be enough. After asking him to make love to me, I could feel him gasp mid kiss at how forward I was but I don't think he was willing to question my motives as he picked me up by my thighs, wrapping my legs around him, and walking me upstairs, never once letting his lips leave mine. The way he was carrying me as if I weighed nothing was turning me on so much that I couldn't help but suck and nibble on his neck while we made our ways up stairs. I could tell I was affecting him considering there were a couple times I would grind down on him and clench my thighs in a way that made him stop walking and kiss me furiously up against the closest wall. 

"Jesus Christ Gwen at this rate we won't make it to the bedroom." His voice was low and sexy that I could feel my whole body tingle at his words. Fully clothed he continued grinding his jean clad erection into me against the hallway wall and as much as I wanted to be on the bed this second I also couldn't picture stopping this moment either. He pulls his lips off of mine allowing me to breath, but not for long, as I soon find myself gasping for air as he moves his tongue around my ear, taking small bites whenever he can. He's driving me crazy, and he knows it. 

"Blake... Oh god... Baby..." I can feel him growing bigger and bigger as his hips keep slowly, but deliberately pounding into me and I'm literally helpless against it. Finally regaining my senses, I grab onto his head which is currently marking my chest and bring his eyes up to mine allowing us to regroup. "Blake..." He's looking at me with that little boy face right now that makes my heart break every time for whatever reason. I think he's scared I'm going to ask him to stop which couldn't be further from the truth. "Take me into the bedroom cowboy." He takes a deep sigh of relief, a small dimpled smile, and very very tender kiss. 

It's been awhile for both of us, and the sexual tension had been building for quite some time. It's no wonder that when I told him to take me upstairs we BOTH went a little crazy and animalistic. Don't get me wrong, it was hot, and sexy, and a major turn on, but a rough fuck is something we could have done weeks ago and been done with it. After hearing his commitment to me at my front door, tonight deserved more then that. I wanted our first time together to be more then that. I asked him to make love to me, and I meant it. Im so broken and so insecure in so many ways that this is already going to be hard. I just hope he's patient with me. I hope he's the man I know he is. 

Laying me down on the bed as gently as possible, he peppers my whole face with light kisses proving how much he treasures me. The mood is calm as we just stare at each other in the pitch black room, waiting for someone to make a move. "God Gwen..." His words are barely a whisper. "You are so beautiful. I literally don't want to ever close my eyes around you." I smile gratefully up at him as he's hovering over me and I run my fingers through his hair "You're pretty handsome yourself cowboy." He gives a little huff out and returns to kissing me extremely sweetly. I love how he's taking his time with me, almost as if he wants to make this moment last as long as possible, and I don't blame him. 

I know he's hesitant to make the first move after we got a little carried away before, so I decide to move my fingers to unbutton his shirt to get things started. His kisses become a little deeper as I move his shirt off of his shoulders leaving him in just his jeans on top of me. This is all new for me as my hands explore his bare back, rubbing my nails up and down his spine as he leans further into me. His hands move to lift my grey tshirt over my head and as much as he wants to take me in, his lips return to mine. I've always loved the feeling of him on top of me, so heavy, so warm, but with our bare stomachs and chests pressed up against each other, my body is seriously on fire. The light dusting of chest hair he has tickles my cleavage in a way that only creates more moisture to flood between my legs. 

His hands move to cup my breasts as his lips move further down my body. Unsnapping and removing my black bra, I suddenly get shy as my hands instinctively move to cover myself. I don't know why, I know I'm attractive and have a good body but for whatever reason I suddenly don't feel adequate enough. Not for him. Not for anyone. Feeling me cover up slightly, he pulls his head away from me while placing his hands gently on top of mine which are currently shielding my breasts. "Baby, don't do that to yourself." His words are so soft I almost cry. "You're perfect. Let me see all of you. Let me in." My hands move from hiding my breasts to holding his hand as he intertwines our fingers and takes me in. He gives a genuine smile and my insecurities slowly start diminishing. 

He spends quite awhile worshiping my breasts, probably due to my body issues. Or maybe he just really likes them. He's cupping them while playing with my very erect nipples with his tongue. It's not until he begins sucking and slightly pulling on them while thrusting into me with the same rhythm that I start to unravel and make noises I hadn't heard in way too long. With my nails in his hair I'm suddenly starving for his mouth to hopefully quiet down these moans. I pull him up where I stick my tongue immediately into his mouth causing him to whimper into me. The vibrations make me smile as I move my hips against his very hard dick in between my thighs. His hands finally move down my torso where they pause at the top of my jeans, as if waiting for permission. I nod while continuing to kiss him while I also work on unbuckling his belt. 

His hands are much faster then mine and suddenly I feel him pry his lips off of mine to strip off my skinny jeans and throw them on the floor, leaving me in just my black lace thong. I can't help but blush a little as he practically drools while looking down at me practically naked on my bed. "Fuck darlin.. How did I get so lucky." I lean up on my elbows and hook my finger onto one of his belt loops to bring him closer. "I'm the lucky one handsome." Now it's his turn to blush. 

Working his jeans off was a little more difficult then expected considering how hard his dick was. But wow. I knew he was big from our couch make outs but Seeing him in his tight charcoal boxer briefs suddenly made it all too real. Spreading my legs, he rested his whole body on top of mine as he went back to kissing my body. Feeling the head of his dick poke into me from behind our underwear made my head spin. I suddenly got incredibly nervous and could feel my insecurities creep up once again. It had been so long since I was with another man, and even when I was with Gavin he didn't exactly have the nicest things to say about me in bed. What if I wasn't good enough, what if I wasn't sexy enough, what if I just made him want someone younger or wilder. My head starts flooding with horrible thoughts while my heart beats uncontrollably causing me to shiver all over. 

"Baby, Gwen, your shaking. What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" He's moved back up to my face as he cradles me with one arm and brushes stray hairs out of my face with the other, as if trying to read my thoughts. His eyes are comforting and calm, like how the ocean looks after a storm. I swear I could stare into them all day without ever wanting to blink. Looking at him and hearing his voice already makes me feel better but I'm still so scared. 

"No baby you didn't hurt me. Everything feels so good. It's just..." I trail off, losing my words, embarrassed at how I feel. 

"We don't have to do this Gwen. Really. If you're not ready I understand. I don't want to rush you. I'll wait forever for you baby, you know that." The craziest thing is, I believe him too. He truly would wait forever. God I'm lucky. 

"No, no, honey, I want this. I want you. I want to feel all of you. I'm just nervous. I've only been with two guys my whole life. And one was for twenty years. I'm just not very experienced, ya know." I sniffle a little trying to hold back tears as my voice gets a little shaky causing Blake to hold on to me tighter. "I just don't... I don't want to disappoint you Blake." 

Now it's his turn to sniffle as he shakes his head and looks away, clearly trying to avoid showing how emotional he is also getting. He sits up a little, adjusting his weight so that he's laying beside me, but still cradling me gently. "God, Gwen, you could never disappoint me." His voice is breaking a bit, letting me know how serious he is taking my feelings. "Even if we got into sweat pants this second this would still be the greatest night of my life. Cause' I got to spend it with you." I can feel my whole body start to relax in his arms as he continues. "I know you're nervous. I'm nervous too. I was with her for thirteen years....You're so incredible that I'm scared I won't be enough for you. And that I'll lose you. That's seriously my worst nightmare baby." My heart is breaking hearing his insecurities. I often forget how hurt he's been in the past and that this isn't a big step just for me, but for both of us. 

I start rubbing my fingers through his curls and wipe away a stray tear from his face as he looks at me adoringly. "Being here with you though... I don't know, it makes me less nervous somehow. You just have that affect on me Gwen. You make me so nervous that I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest and yet so calm at the same time. Like I'm coming home." I smile as water fills my eyes. 

"I feel the same way Blake."

"It's just us baby. No more ghosts from our pasts, no more expectations, no more disappointments. Just us. Just you... and me." 

He follows his words with a deep kiss, bringing the heat back up as he moves his weight back on top of me while his hands travels south to my panties. His fingers likely tap on top of the fabric causing me to slowly open my thighs a little for him indicating that I'm enjoying it. While massaging my tongue with his he gently dips a finger across my lips to find wet, hot moisture. The feeling of his hands on me down there has me panting into his mouth. I've literally dreamed about this for longer then I'd care to admit out loud. He's just playing with me at this point, testing the waters, not going too far to make me uncomfortable even though both of us are able to feel how unbelievably wet I am for him. 

"Are you feeling better baby? More relaxed?" With his hand under my soaking panties and sporting a little smirk, I know this is a rhetorical question. 

"God yes, I'm feeling more relaxed by the second cowboy." 

"Good. Let's see if I can make you feel even better though." He then slowly removes his hand and begins kissing all over my skin as he moves down my body in between my legs. He's moving so slow and his kisses are the perfect mixture of lips and tongue that his hands are having to hold me down from squirming so much. Positioning down the bed, he stop at the top of my panties, placing a light kiss over the fabric. He looks up at me with what can only be described as heart eyes, "Can I take these off?" 

"Yes. And don't stop." My words are so breathy that they even make me laugh at how desperate I sound. Slowly peeling my thong off and tossing them onto the floor next to our pile of discarded clothes, he opens my thighs that have instinctively closed and begins kissing the inside of my knee, and slowly moving inward. My body is literally shaking as he gets closer to my center and I can feel myself getting wetter. Wetter for him.

The scruff from his beard on the inside of my thighs is making me giggle and moan all at the same time. All two of my past lovers have been so clean shaven that it makes me realize what I have been missing this whole time. Finally I feel the tip of his nose brush against my outer lips and I brace myself for what's next. I've already been softly moaning his name at the anticipation of his lips and hands on my thighs but nothing prepared me for the noises that came out of my mouth once Blake's tongue stretched into me. 

"Oh god! Baby! Oh my god!" I could hardly breath as I clenched my white bedsheets trying to find something to hold onto. I suddenly brought one of my hands to his hair as I grabbed onto his curls and pushed him further into me. I got nervous for a second when I realized I must be smothering him until I could feel him smile against me and then moan, the vibrations against my clit almost causing my undoing. I slowly start moving my hips against his tongue and it is seriously one of the best feelings I've ever had. Sure Gavin had gone down on me before (much less after the kids were born) but he never took the kind of time pleasuring me like Blake is doing right now. It's the perfect mixture of fast and slow, of sweet and passionate, of loving and sexy as fuck. Pretty soon I can feel my entire body start shaking as I feel my orgasm approach. 

"Oh god Blake... I'm gonna..." I'm pretty much screaming as if he's a mile away from me. 

"That's it baby, come for me. Come Gwen. I want to feel you come with my mouth on you." He continues his tongue action on my center and within seconds I'm gripping onto his curls and screaming out his name along with a lot of other expletives.

"Fuckkkkkkk Blakeeeee!" 

I have barely enough strength to pull him up from his shoulders but I need his lips on mine now. My whole body is tingling as I'm still coming down from my orgasm. I'm literally still having after shocks as I pull him in for a kiss, causing him to chuckle. 

"You tasted so fucking good baby. God you drive me crazy." 

Feeling his erection against my throbbing clit under his boxer briefs is becoming too much for me. I need him. I'm ready. 

"Blake... I want to feel you inside of me. Right now." I move my hands down to his ass to pull down his boxers to get my point across as he settles further in between my legs. Fully naked, he lines himself up with the head of his cock at my entrance. He feels me tense up a bit underneath him, not out of fear but more anticipation. 

"It's ok baby, I got you." 

I nod my head slightly as I spread my legs more. "Just go... slow ok?" 

He smiles into a kiss, "Do you really think I'd want to rush through something like this. Hell no." His words make me laugh causing me to relax, something I'm sure he was going for. Slowly, very slowly, he starts pressing the tip of his dick inside of me. It's been so long since I've been with a man that I'm very tight causing this to hurt a little. I furrow my brow and dig my nails into his back making him worried that this pain is too much. He moves to pull out but I hold onto him instead. "No, please don't. Stay." Even though it slightly burns, I also love the feeling of him in me too much to end this. Besides, I can already feel my walls adjusting to his length as he starts to grow within me. 

I can tell he's concentrating so hard as his eyes are barely open and he's breathing heavily. He's probably using all of his will power to not go full caveman and explode in two seconds. I asked him to go slow, and he's taking that very seriously. Finally after several minutes of gently pushing inside of me, he's fully settled as my walls start contracting around him. 

"Fuck Gwen... This feels incredible. You're like a dream." His sweet words are only relaxing me more and more as I feel myself stretching around him. Slowly he starts thrusting his hips and even though he's barely moving at first, it's already the best feeling I've ever had. Feeling like I'm ready to take more, I start grinding harder against him causing us both to start moaning out loud. Faster and faster, deeper and deeper, our bodies and noises are becoming one. 

"God baby you're so wet, and so tight. I might not last long." Just then he adjust his angle slightly and starts hitting the spot within me that makes me see stars. 

"Yes! Oh god! Right there! Don't stop!" I'm not making much sense as I start screaming out and I should be a little embarrassed for blatantly asking for it but with the way he's making me feel I literally can't help myself. He starts thrusting into me deeper as he holds onto my hip with one hand and the side of my face with his other. He knows I'm about to come and wants to see my face when it happens. 

"Blake! I'm coming! I'm coming!" 

I throw my head back into the pillow and scream as if I was singing a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. My screaming of his name when I climax seems to be enough for him as I feel him thrust into me deeply before releasing himself at the same time. We hold on to each other and ride out our orgasms together. Staring into each other eyes, I lay with him hovering over me for awhile, trying to regain our breathing regularly in somewhat disbelief at what just happened. 

His eyes are tired, content, but tired as he gives a small smile while brushing his hand down my cheek. "Wow." 

"Yeah, wow." I smile hugely, blushing a little and settle into his side as he lays on his back. Lifting his arm, I crawl onto him, resting my head in the crook of his neck. Even though we are both sweaty and exhausted, I'm shaking due to the pleasure that just erupted through my whole body. Pulling a blanket up and wrapping his arms around me securely, Blake kisses the top of my head firmly. 

"You're shaking again baby. Are you ok?" 

"Don't worry. This is the best I've been in a very long time." I wrap my arms around his torso, burying my head into his neck as I kiss his cheek sweetly. "I don't want to let go yet Blake. I don't want to let go ever." 

"You never have to Gwen."


	9. Chapter 9

Did that really just happen? I honestly can't believe it myself. I mean, a year ago I just met this man and now here we are, laying in bed together, naked. I can't seem to get a handle on everything that's going on and everything that I'm feeling and for once I'm actually ok with that. No I don't know what tomorrow will bring, no I don't know how this will work, but what I do know is that I care about Blake a lot. And he cares about me, a lot. And right now, that's about all either of us need or can handle. Not to mention, he makes me feel so good, both mentally and physically. My god, the way he made love to me tonight was something on another level. Of course Gavin and I had our fare share of passionate nights, but nothing so spiritual as the way Blake pleasured me. Even the very first time gavin and I were intimate, he never took care of me the way Blake did. He was so gentle, so tender, so attentive to what I needed, and yet so fucking hot at the same time. It didn't feel like rebound or revenge sex, it didn't feel like something awkward or painful, it felt perfect. It felt like we were the only two people on earth when we were connected in that way. To be honest, I think that feeling surprised both of us. Sure, we both wanted and need to be with each other that way and considering our chemistry we knew it would be good, but I had no idea he would make me feel so treasured and so at peace as he just did. 

After we made love, both of us were sweaty and out of breath and a little in shock at all of the feelings we were feeling. So we just laid there, not moving from him on top of me, in between my legs. I think he would have moved to give me space if it weren't for my hands wrapped around his lower back. I loved feeling him on me in that way, I love feeling him still inside me as his erection slowly softened. After he made me climax, and after he came inside of me, I honestly couldn't think of him being anywhere else. The rest of the night we talked, cuddled, made out, before eventually drifting to sleep with my head nuzzling into his neck. It was seriously like a dream and I'm already craving more as I lay awake in my cowboys arms at 3am. 

We're both laying on our sides as his arm is loosely draped over my hip. I'm already missing his face though so I slowly turn around in order to face him. God he's cute. His curls, his dimples. I don't want to wake him since he's sleeping so soundly but God do I want to see his gorgeous blue eyes. I want to run my fingers through his curls. I want to drag my nail down his chest as he towers over me. I want him to make me scream again while underneath him. 

God I'm already so whipped. 

Laying here two inches away from him I'm already getting carried away, so I decide to go get a drink of water downstairs so I don't disturb him. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I woke him up needing some attention but I need to be careful. I get carried away so easily that I don't want to mess this up. We've taken our time so far and it's been magical. I don't want to ruin this. I slide out of his embrace, backing up off the bed. Putting my white silk robe over my bare body, I stare down at him laying their alone. My heart strings tinge a little as I notice a little frown appear on his face and I wonder if he can tell in his sleep that he's no longer holding on to me. God I hope so. 

Tying up my robe I quietly tip toe out of my bedroom and make my way into the kitchen. Taking a couple steps on the cold tile floor I can suddenly feel the affects of our love making a few hours earlier. I haven't had sex in God knows how long and even with Gavin my body was so used to him that it never hurt this bad. But wow, feeling Blake, feeling ALL of Blake inside of me. It was and is the best sort of pain I've ever experienced. He stretched me so much and yet fit so perfectly that I'd never felt more filled in my entire life. Or So loved in my entire life. I need to slow down again. I know I shouldn't say that word love but that's exactly how he makes me feel. Treasured. Euphoric. Safe. Loved. 

Leaning over the counter, staring out the window, my mind starts wondering until suddenly I feel two strong arms come up from behind and rest on top of mine. I feel his mouth close to my ear as he breathes me in and suddenly my eyes are closed and I'm leaning into his body. 

"Everything ok Gwen?" He kisses the side of my head and his voice is so gravely that he clearly just woke up. 

"Yeah cowboy. Just came down to get some water. I didn't mean to wake you." I turn around in his arms as I take in his baby blues staring down at me, as if straight into my soul. He's in nothing but his black tight boxer briefs and my hands instinctively go to rubbing my nails down his chest while playing with the little bit of hair that sprinkles his broad chest. He's literally towering over me and the feeling of being so vulnerable and yet so protected at the same time is doing things to me. 

"It's ok. Just wanted to make sure I didn't chase you out of your own house." There's a little bit of fear in his confession. "I mean after what happened tonight, I didn't want you to like freaked out... I mean I didn't know if you regretted... Or like if you were happy-" 

I quickly cut him off with a firm kiss. Even though it's only been a few hours since I've kissed his lips, it's felt like an eternity. I can feel him relaxing as I push harder into him. With me being barefooted, I'm literally on my tip toes and he's still having to hunch over. Finally he wraps his arms around my lower back to lift me up slightly enabling our kiss to not be so strained. It's not a filthy make up, but it is firm and passionate and when I pull away I smile at how his lips are still left in the pursed position. 

"You're really cute when you're rambling... You know that?" He gives his little boyish smile unleashing his dimples and my heart melts as I give him one more peck before he sets me back down. "God Blake I have zero regrets about tonight. And there's no where else I'd rather be. I promise. So don't think that way, please baby?" 

"I'm sorry. I just sometimes can't believe that I get to be here with you. I still keep expecting to wake up from this dream." He's looking down as He brings my hands up and kisses my knuckles gently causing me to open my fist and cup his cheek with my tiny palm. 

"Well if this is a dream... I hope we never wake up cowboy." 

After walking back upstairs hand in hand, he helps me untie my robe as the silk easily slides off my body. We both crawl under my white sheets where we begin kissing each other passionately causing me to climb my naked body on top of his as I feel my temperature rising. I know I'm sore, I know we are both exhausted and have a long day tomorrow, but I also know I need him right now, and from the way he's kissing me, he needs me too. So without too much foreplay other then my mouth on his, he guides his erection inside of me slowly as I'm still getting used to his width. Mid kiss my mouth drops open as I take gulps of air as I try to adjust as quickly as possible but also somewhat reveling in the burn of Blake inside of me. With one of his hands on my hip and the other cupping my face, he brings me back down so that our faces are less then an inch apart. 

"Breath baby, breath... Slow... That's it, there you go." He must have sensed my struggle from on top of him and in that moment I'm incredibly thankful that he is such a patient lover. Not too many men would notice something like that, at least not too many men I know. He's taken one of my hands and rested it on his heart to feel his own breathing and before I know it, we are in a rhythm as our bodies and chests rise and fall together. I've never felt more connected to another human being then I do in this moment. It's so beautiful that I don't want it to end, and I can tell neither does he as he tries hard not to let it. 

"Oh god Gwen... You're so beautiful." Hearing him say those words with me hovering over him makes me wetter by the second. He looks so enthralled that he probably barely remembers his own name and yet he will never forget to give me a compliment. For whatever reason his tender eyes staring up at mine get to me as I slow my movement and lean down to find his lips. My eyes fill with water as he wraps his strong arms around my back holding me tighter while he still very slightly thrusts up into me. I feel ridiculous as I become more emotional by the second and I pray that he doesn't think he did something wrong. He knows I'm sensitive, he knows how easily I cry, he knows me. 

"It's ok baby, it's ok. I got you." His lips have barely left mine before he speaks these words of encouragement and I'm grateful that he knows exactly how to handle me. I nod my head against his as we share the same breath and he begins thrusting up into me a little deeper causing me to fall forward with my head on his shoulder as I cling to him enjoying the pleasure. Whimpering against Blakes skin, I know I'm about to come and feeling his heart beat racing against my breasts, I know he is too. Taking his ear lobe into my mouth, I begin sucking on it in the same motion as his hips are grinding into me. That seems to be the tipping point as he moans out loudly before thrusting into me three more times causing us both to come at the same time. 

As our breathing gets under control and he holds me close following a few little after shocks, I feel his body start to tremble. "You ok cowboy?" 

He gives a small laugh as he rubs his fingers through my hair as my head rests under his chin, my legs still on either side of him. "Yeah... It's just... It's Never been like that for me before ya know?" I know he means that as a compliment as I smile into his chest, and then lift my head to meet his gaze. 

"Me neither Blake. Never." 

He gives me a loving kiss before turning us over in the spooning position to hopefully get a few hours of sleep before having to be on set. He wraps his arms around me, intertwining our fingers as I bring them up to plant a few small kisses on his. In return he kisses the back of my head before whispering goodnight into my ear. Before I allow myself to fall asleep, I quickly give a small prayer asking God to never let me wake up from this dream. 

*****  
The next day is beyond hectic on set. The blinds are getting close to airing which means lots of events, lots of photo shoots, lots of interviews. I actually don't mind this sort of work, it's fun to me getting dressed up. And even though answering the same questions over and over is boring, it's also extremely easy. Plus it doesn't hurt that I get to spend the entire day with my favorite hot cowboy. We keep stealing smiles with each other when we think no ones looking and sometimes they go from sweet to sexy real fast. I love how I can already tell what his different smiles mean and what he's most likely thinking. The one he just gave me from two chairs over while we paused for Adam to get something to drink was this tiny little smirk, barely showing his dimples as his eyes turned to navy blue. I hid my face as I blushed in return because I can tell he's replaying last night in his head right now. So that must mean that's his "i want to make you scream smile." I think I like that one. Even after how exhausted I am after last night and how sore I am, I still am counting the minutes until we can call it a day on set and the two of us can have some more alone time. Just as we get into an intense moment of our eyes being locked, a crew member comes up to where we are all sitting with a message. 

"Excuse me, Miss Stefani, your husband is here and waiting in your trailer." 

As if rehearsed, Adam, Pharrel, Carson and Blake all respond in sync with "Ex" said to correct the poor girl. I laugh at how protective the boys are over me and give a grateful smile as I start to get up once Carson says it's ok if we all take a thirty minute break. Blake walks over to my chair once he sees the worry on my face and my hands fidgeting in nervousness. Not even concerned with anyone seeing him, he takes my hands in his to calm myself, "Hey, do you want me to go with you." 

I squeeze his hand in gratitude and use all of my will power to not to kiss him which would be super easy in my stilettos. "No it's ok. Thank you though. I honestly have no idea why he's here, it's weird. But I'll be fine."

I can see the worry on his face so I try my hardest to not show him the fear in mine. "Ok, well, I'll be right outside just in case." 

"Thanks baby." I lean up and give him a kiss on the cheek. A few heads of crew members turned but to be honest I didn't care. We walked back to where the trailers were and Blake and Adam sat down on the couches in the middle as I climbed the steps to where my estranged husband was waiting. 

"What are you doing here?" I honestly don't even want to look him in the eye as I walk past him sitting a little too comfortably on my couch with his leg propped up. 

"Hello to you too love." It's crazy how quickly his British accent went from sexy to disgusting for me. 

"Gavin, I'm working, I don't have a lot of time. What's up? Are the kids ok?" 

"Yeah but something came up and I need you to watch them after school until late tonight." All of this feels way to familiar to when we were married and I hate it. Of course I want to see my babies but the fact that he thinks he can control me like this still drives me crazy. 

"Something came up? Gavin, we set these schedules up months ago. They're your kids for Christ sake. Can't you reschedule your date or whatever it is." 

A slimy smirk comes across his face as he stands and starts walking towards me. A little too close for my comfort to be honest. "If I didn't know any better honey, I'd say you were jealous." He brushes a stray hair out of my eyes and my whole body shivers in disgust.

"Gavin, don't." 

"Cmon Gwen. You know you miss me. All of me." He starts to move closer as he leans in for a kiss. My whole body freezes out of fear as I'm unable to move for whatever reason. Luckily Before his lips are able to touch mine I suddenly remember where I am, and WHO I am and use both my hands and all my strength to push him away. Not wanting to be alone with him, I swing open the door, walk down the stairs and straight towards the boys sitting on the couches. As if Blake had been watching my trailer the entire time, he jumps up and immediately starts making his way towards me in long strides with Adam and now Pharrel following as they see me wipe away a stray tear. They can all tell somethings up and are going into survival mode. 

Blake puts his hands on my shoulders securely with The other two next to him looking concerned and ready to kick someone's ass "Gwen, are you ok? What happened?" 

"Nothing, nothing, I'm fine, I just want him to leave." As if on cue, Gavin makes his way down my stairs and all three guys clench their fists. 

Blake takes a step in front me and I gently hold onto the bottom hem of his shirt as he talks to my ex "I think it's time you took off Gavin." 

Gavin gives a small laugh while looking at the three guys encircling me and I take a small step forward from behind Blake. "I'll pick the boys up after school and keep them tonight. I'll text your nanny tomorrow morning. Now please leave." 

He slowly turns around and makes his way out off the set and into his car. I release a huge sigh as Blake turns and pulls me against his chest. I don't want to cry, not here, not in front of everyone so I'm extremely thankful that Adam diffusers the tension a little. 

"Oh man I would have loved to have one punch at that British asshole! Could you imagine how easy a fight that would have been? I mean, sorry Gwen, that that happened, but still!" I laugh as I wipe away a stray tear, still holding onto Blake.

"Don't worry Gwen, me Adam and Blake will always have your back." 

"Thanks Pharrel." I give them all a very appreciative smile and hug for basically defending my honor as Carson calls us back to work. I feel Blake's hand pull on mine to hold me back as the other two start walking. I turn to him and I can see his chest rising quickly as I place my hand over his heart. 

"Did he hurt you Gwen?" I see the fear in his eyes as he must have been imagining the worst while I was in there.

"No baby, I wouldn't let him touch me. I promise..." I still see him tense up as I take his face in my hands making his eyes meet mine "...Hey, cowboy, everything's fine. I'm fine, I'm safe." I need to make light of this situation in order to help calm him down. So I take his hand and start walking back to the stage for our next interview. 

"You're cute when you're protective." 

"I thought you said this morning I was cute when I'm nervous?" He smiles and thank god. 

"Cowboy, when are you going to realize you're always cute!" Before entering the stage, I quickly make a detour and pull him into an empty dark office and give him a very deep kiss as our tongues smash into each other. I could tell he needed it to remind him that I'm no longer Gavin's, but am his instead. No, I've never said that to him but I'm hoping my lips convey that message to him loud and clear. "Sorry about the change of plans with the boys. Rain check until late tonight handsome?" 

"No problem sweetheart. Stuff comes up. I'm flexible... I mean, not as flexible as you are but still..." 

"Shh stopppp!" I punch his shoulder as he pulls me in and starts tickling me while I nuzzle his neck. 

"Seriously though, don't worry about it babe. I'm glad you're ok and you get to see the boys. Try to call me every now and then though cuz you know I'll be missing your voice. I think I'm whipped baby girl." 

"You and me both cowboy." 

Two minutes of making out later we enter the stage as I quickly reapply my lipstick. Just before the interviewer sits down I catch Adam trying to get Blake's attention as he motions to his mouth. Blake quickly picks up on what Adams implying as he wipes the lipstick, well MY lipstick, off of his mouth. I guess we weren't being as secretive as we thought. I shoot Adam a nervous smile, not knowing how he'll react to us being an item. Before I could say anything, he reads my mind by leaning into me to whisper something. 

"Don't worry. Pharrel said We'd always have your back Gwen, and He meant it." 

*****  
The afternoon is pure chaos. Not that I don't love having the boys and god knows I've missed them but I'm so exhausted. I had stayed up all night with Blake knowing I had the week off from mommy duty. But then again, I know you're never truly off being a mom no matter what the situation. It's just hard because for whatever reason they are all in fussy moods as they don't seem to want to listen to me with anything. It's almost as if the two older boys are starting to resent this whole separate house situation. I try not to delve into that notion for two long otherwise I'll never get out of that hole. 

Finally around 11 o'clock, all the boys are clean, in pjs, and in bed, fast asleep. It's a lot later then they'd normally be in bed but today was a little rough for all of us. I had texted blake a few times throughout the afternoon just to check in but I'm so exhausted right now that I don't even know if I have the strength to talk to him on the phone. But still, I miss him. It was such a strange day with work and Gavin and Blake and the boys, I just feel really disoriented and off and I don't want to be alone but at the same time I don't want anyone to see me like this either. Unable to contain myself, I text Blake asking him if he wanted to come over. That's the convenient thing about his rental being so close is that these late night hang outs are always so easy to arrange. 

Within fifteen minutes he's at my front door and I'm in his arms. I think he can tell immediately how drained I am as I literally collapse into his arms as I hang on to him. He kisses the top of my head, lets me hold on to him a little longer without talking and then finally leads me inside to my big couch in the living room. I sit down, expecting him to come next to me but instead he picks up the throw blanket, lays it across my legs and goes into the kitchen to make me some tea. 

"Babe, you don't have to do that. Really." Even I can hear how tired my voice is. 

"I know honey, but I want to. I could tell from your texts and everything that happened that you've had a rough day." He walks over with my favorite mug, sitting next to me and rubbing my back. For whatever reason, his small gestures cause me to break as I cover my face with my hands and start crying hysterically. 

"God Blake I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just so tired. Today was so crazy. I was so happy and then Gavin showed up and ruined everything and the boys were so tough and I think King is starting to resent me and Apollo might be getting an ear infection and it breaks my heart cuz they didn't ask for any of this and then there's you and I just wanted to see you so bad tonight and I ruined everything by being a mess and looking gross with my old tshirt and jeans and God I must look hideous and now I'm crying like always and you didn't ask for any of this either-" 

"Gwen, Gwen, Gwen, baby, shhhh shhhh. It's ok, it's ok." My rambling has reached a new level as even I hear the craziness in my voice as I have some sort of emotional breakdown from the days event. Blake on the other hand doesn't seem to be scared off by it one bit. "Baby just breath, it's ok, everything will be ok. You didn't ruin anything. It's ok, I'm here." He pulls me in as I bury my face into his shirt soaking it with tears and day old mascara. After a few minutes of sobbing into him I slowly pry away as I ask a question I've sort of secretly always wondered but been too afraid to ask. 

"But seriously Blake, with everything going on in my life. My crazy ex, my crazy divorce, my emotions, my insecurities, my issues, why on earth would you ever want to be with someone like me? I mean, you could literally have any girl you wanted and here I am, a forty five year old mother of three with enough toxic material to write ten albums. You should be with someone else, someone whose life is simple, someone whose problems are simple. You shouldn't be with me Blake, I end up ruining everything, everyone always leaves me." I'm standing at this point as I turn my back to cry, trying to keep my distance. I honestly have no idea where these feelings came from but I literally couldn't stop my word vomit from happening. I guess my biggest fear of being with Blake wasn't the commitment, it was that deep down I'm scared he'll leave me just like everyone else does. And I'll be all alone. Again. 

With my back turned to him and my sobs covering any sounds, I honestly thought he left after my outburst. God knows I wouldn't blame him. But suddenly I feel his warm, large hands on my shoulders from behind and it's as if a million band aids covered me all over. "Are you done having your little moment darlin?" I laugh a little, and nod my head against the front his chest as he moves to sit in a chair next to me. 

"Good. Now come here." He sits me down on his lap and proceeds to gently wipe away tears running down my face as he cradles me close. "Now I know you've been through hell Gwen. And everyday is a constant battle, but it's ok to let people take care of you every now and then. Lean on me, break on me. That's what I'm here for. And I promise you I'm not going anywhere for as long as you'll have me." I start to shake my head as I break his gaze and look down at the ground but he doesn't let me. Placing his palm gently on my cheek, he brings me back to life with his words, with his eyes. 

"Hey, no, don't do that Gwen. Stay with me babe. Right here. Don't go into that dark place. You didn't ruin anything, you're not hurting anyone and no one is going to leave you. I promise. You're right, there are a million people I could be with just like there are million people you could be with too. But guess what... I want you. I choose you. I need you. I know your life isn't simple, well neither is mine. I know you've got a messy path, well so do I. I know you feel broken, well I sure as hell promise you so do i. You're not in this alone Gwen. Not now, not ever." 

This is the most strong I have ever seen Blake. I love how confident and comforting he is being with me and I don't want it to end. I never want him to stop speaking these words to me. 

"You asked me why I'd want to be with someone like you... God Gwen. Don't you know by now? Don't you know how fast I'm falling for you baby? It breaks my heart to hear you ask that question, to hear you put yourself down like that cuz baby, being with you has been like... It's like coming up for fresh air." His voice has a little hitch at the end of it showing me that he's now getting emotional and maybe feeling vulnerable. 

I run my fingers through his hair as I sit on his lap and pull him in for a hug as I wrap my arms around his neck. "God Blake." It's dead silent as we sit there holding each other. I honestly don't know how he does it but Blake is the only one who knows how to handle me, who knows how to calm me down. Tony used to roll his eyes and Gavin would simply walk away if I had some kind of breakdown like this. But Blake, God, my Blake, holds me, comforts me, assures me that I'm not alone. Maybe he's not like everyone else. Maybe he won't leave me. Maybe this feeling of falling for him is real. God I hope it is. 

Suddenly I feel him stand up with me in his arms as he makes his way to my bedroom. My arms don't leave his neck and my head stays buried in his shoulder the whole time. He sets me gently on the bed as he kneels down and starts taking off my sneakers and socks. Then he begins lifting up my ratty grey tshirt over my head causing me give him a confused look at first. 

"Don't worry babe, I know the boys are here. You just look so tired I'm helping you get ready for bed." I smile up at him before he adds a little more "Plus it's always fun undressing you." I throw my head back laughing, the first time since this morning I think. It feels good to smile, it feels good to have his hands on me. Next he helps me out of my jeans, and then unsnap my bra, leaving me naked except for my panties. Even though I catch him stealing some looks, he's being a complete gentleman the entire time. He knows I'm not ready to be intimate with the boys here and I'm beyond grateful for that. As soon as my bra is off he walks behind me to a chair in the corner, coming back with his grey sweatshirt I stole weeks ago. We both give small smiles at each other as I lift my arms and shimmy the large hoodie down my body as he helps. 

I get up on my knees on the bed and lean up to him standing there indicating I want a kiss. He quickly obliges. "Thanks babe. For your help." He doesn't say anything back other then a smile as he pulls the covers back for me to crawl under. He proceeds to tuck me in but when he goes to get in on his side of the bed, he lays on top of the covers, fully dressed. 

"What's wrong Blake?"

"Nothing honey. I just don't want to risk scaring the boys in the morning by spending the night and forgetting to get up early enough. I'm going to stay with you until you fall asleep though if that's ok with you." 

I settle into his side as I lean my head on his shoulder and curl my legs over his while clinging to his arm. His left arm pretty much encircles my whole frame and I just melt into his warmth, taking in his scent, his love, his security. "It's more then ok with me. Thank you for understanding... just everything today. It's crazy I know, but I'm so glad I have you. And I'm sorry for ruining tonight. I'm sure you had different plans for us involving this bed."

"You didn't ruin anything baby. Only plans I had tonight was holding you in my arms as you fell asleep. And hey... Look at that... I got my wish."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I've been busy with work and had a little trouble coming up with some ideas. Anyway, hope you enjoy and thank you for the comments. You guys are very kind.

Ever since the little blow up with Gavin on the Voice set, my boys have ended up staying with me for more then a week. I think he was trying to get back at me and might have thought he was screwing me over with plans by "dropping" them on me when in reality everyone knows I'm the happiest when me and my babies are under the same roof. Further proof in my mind that my ex husband never truly knew me. So for more then week I've had some quality time with my kiddos which has been amazing. I've only had to do a few work things but nothing too crazy so we've been able to spend most of it together. 

The only, and I mean only , downside of the boys being here one hundred percent of the time is that Blake and I haven't gotten much alone time. Luckily the boys love him and if his smile is any indication, I think Blake also genuinely enjoys being here with us. When I apologized to him for having to cancel dinner at his place because of the boys, I half expected him to get upset or even say he was going home to his ranch until they were back at their fathers but instead he's just made more of an effort to include them in whatever plans we originally had. Instead of a romantic dinner he was going to cook for me at his house, he turned it into barbecuing hamburgers and hot dogs; instead of drinks out at some jazz bar, he came over for board game night and ice cream; instead of having adult sleepovers, he's been patient enough to pump the breaks in that department and build forts with the boys instead. 

It's beyond touching to watch him bond with my boys, and see the effort he is so clearly making. There have been more then a few times where I've teared up watching from a chair with Apollo in my lap as him and my two oldest run around playing soccer. Or watching him crawl on the floor with my baby playing with trucks and making goofy faces. I mean, seriously, how is this my life? How did I get so lucky to find such a kind man. I honestly didn't even think they still existed. But here we are. The thing I'm most impressed about is how patient he is. My boys are incredibly rowdy. Their dad was always much better in the discipline arena than I was, so at home, they can be hyper. I get a little self conscious sometimes when they are acting crazy around friends of mine and I wonder if they are thinking how fast they can get out of here. And I admit that I'm scared of that same thing with Blake. But the way he waits it out, talks with them, hangs with them, calms them down, helps me, like honestly, no words can describe it. They aren't even his kids and I already feel more like I have a partner in parenting then I ever did with Gavin. 

Not having alone time with him has been beyond beyond beyond hard though. After only having sex that first night, we haven't been able to sneak away for a little fun at all. It's killing both of us. Seriously, all I can do is think about the feeling of him inside of me or his hands or fingers or tongue on my body. God I'm getting hot just thinking about him. Luckily for me, I haven't been completely alone. He knows I'm not ready to be intimate with him with the boys in the house and he understands, but he's been so sweet as he secretly stays with me in my room each night and leaves before they wake up. I know he's not a morning person so just the fact that he gets up at 6am to drive back home, sometimes not even waking me, is beyond cute. After that first night where Gavin came on to me at work, I had told him a little shyly that I just felt safer with him around, and ever since then I've never needed to ask him to stay again. He just knows what I want or need without asking.

There have been a couple close calls making out though under the covers in bed or on the couch downstairs after the boys have gone to sleep. One of us usually has to be the voice of reason and pry our bodies apart from the other before going too far. There's always the regaining of breaths afterwards, the pout (usually from me), the laugh (usually from him) and then smiles (from both of us). I always feel guilty because of how many times we've left each other incredibly unsatisfied but the way he kisses my forehead, and adjusts my shirt back on or buttons my pants back up before saying a sweet goodnight do sincerely makes those fears go away. But still... I crave him like nothing I've ever experienced. The way Blake kisses me is something indescribable. It could be soft and sweet or filthy and hot or playful and funny and I'd still crave more every single time. And I can tell he feels the same way about me. He's literally obsessed with my lips and neck as he usually devours them. Seriously, When the two of us are together, there is no such thing as a short make out session or a quick goodnight kiss. Sometimes I don't know how I went so long without his lips on my lips. 

Today has been one of those perfectly ordinary days with the boys that Blake has managed to make extraordinary. Like always. We spent the day at my house, watching the boys exhaust themselves in the pool and then play with Apollo in the trampoline. He's still pretty wobbly as he learns to walk so it was so cute watching him cling to Blakes long legs anytime he felt uneasy about his steps. And I also admit that I get a little tinge in my stomach when I see Blakes face light up when he thinks no ones looking. With all of the outside activities the boys did today, they were exhausted and luckily went to sleep very quickly. As I tip toed out of apollos room with his baby monitor, I make my way back into the living room where I left Blake only to find him finishing up the dishes from dinner. Seeing his back towards me, drying a wet pot with a towel makes me imagine what it would be like to see this every night. Forever. 

I walk up behind him, wrapping my arms around his stomach and rest my head on his back and take his scent in while releasing a very content sigh. "Thanks for doing the dishes babe. Means a lot." 

He puts his hand over mine that's resting on his stomach and brings it up for a kiss. "No problem. Thanks for dinner. Your Mac n cheese is incredible." We both laugh as he turns to face me, leaning up against the kitchen counter. 

"Blake Shelton are you making fun of my cooking?" I do my best pout which I know drives him crazy. I can literally see him bite his lip as he stares down at me. 

"No, never pretty girl. I was being serious! Didn't you see me get thirds! I think I've gained all that weight back just from hanging with you guys this week... Now let me see if I can help you out with that little pout of yours missy." Leaning in with one hand resting in the small of my back and the other behind my head, our lips meet for the first time in hours. I knew he couldnt stand to let this pout go unkissed. It's like a secret weapon of mine. My pout and my nails. Works like a charm. He's also got a few tricks up his sleeve. He knows that all he has to do is flash those dimples at me and I'm a goner. Thank god none of my boys have them otherwise I'd never refuse them. Another one is his hands. His big, strong country hands. Whether it's just to hold his in mine or feeling them roam my body, I always melt. And I always miss them. Especially lately. 

As we begin making out in the kitchen, my hands grip onto the collar of his shirt as I try to get some leverage. Taking the hint he picks me up by my ass and sets me on the counter making me eye level with him. "Much better." I say into a kiss as my arms go around him and we resume our make out. After about twenty minutes of light kisses, we once again start to get a little out of hand as my legs have opened, causing him to rest his standing body in between my thighs as his hands start cupping my breasts from under my tshirt. 

"Jesus Gwen. You're so fucking sexy. You have no idea what you do to me." 

His words literally cause me to moan into his mouth as he presses his groin harder against me. "God Blake, baby. I need you so bad. I've missed you so much." 

Hearing the strain in my voice he backs up a bit, removing his lips from my ear to look at me. "Miss me? I'm right here baby. Been here all day. All week!" I giggle into his shirt as I bury my face. He knows what I'm talking about, he's just being a brat and is making me say it out loud. 

"No, I mean, I miss you like THIS." I grab onto his shirt and wrap my legs around him possessively to emphasize my point in case he missed it. "I miss feeling you. Feeling ALL of you in me. I miss screaming your name as you make me come. I miss feeling your hands all over me. I miss the feeling of you slowly, but painfully sliding into me. I miss it all baby."

He stares down at me, his blue eyes literally piercing right through me, straight to my heart. The look in his eyes are partly due to pride and lust from what I just described but mostly tenderness and dare I say love. He smiles kindly while brushing a stray hair out of my face. "God baby. I miss all of that too. And more. Believe me when I say I've had some pretty hot dreams followed by some pretty cold showers this week." We both laugh as he makes me blush. "I miss being with you like that too Gwen... But I don't want to do anything your uncomfortable with with the boys being here. And believe when I say that since we've waited so long to be alone, I don't exactly think we'd be quiet. Mainly you missy." He cocks his eyebrow a little while biting his lip and I swear I can feel the moisture pool to my center as I talk myself down from ripping his shirt right off while not allowing myself to say 'prove it.' 

"You're right cowboy. I mean I know we can't right now, we'd probably wake the neighbors." Now it's my turn to make him laugh. "But thank you for being patient till we can be alone. Im sure not a lot of guys would hang out around a girl and her kids all week and still not get any action afterwards." I smile but also sort of mean it at the same time. 

"Well not a lot of girls are like you Gwen. In fact... No one in the world is like you sweetheart. And I'd rather give up a million days spent alone at my ranch if it means spending one hour with you and your boys." My eyes tear up as I shake my head in disbelief at this man... My man. He kisses my forehead before helping me off the counter. 

"You're staying over tonight... Right cowboy?" 

"Haven't I stayed over every night this week? What makes you think tonight is any different beautiful? I honestly don't think I'd be able to fall asleep without you next to me...without you hogging the covers all night or feeling you bury your face under my shoulder when the sun starts creeping in or the way your hair tickles my nose when your heads on my chest."

As we walk hand in hand to my bedroom I giggle at all his little comments. "Wow. I sound like an awful sleeping buddy." 

"Nah darlin. You're perfect actually."

A few hours later, lights off under the covers in the spooning position, I feel Blake stir behind me. It's still dark out so I know it's not time for him to sneak out but I can feel him awake... Thinking. 

"We're real... Right Gwen?" 

I'm still not quite awake and am even more confused as to if he was actually asking me that or just thinking out loud since how could he have known id even be awake. 

"Hmm? What babe?" I turn myself around to face him while still in his loose grip laying on my waist. 

"Us. You and me. This is real right? I mean like, it's not just a rebound or a fling or just sex or something for you is it?" For as strong and confident Blake normally is, He's looking me in the eyes right now with a lot of fear and insecurity. It seriously breaks my heart. 

"Baby where is this coming from? Is something wrong?" I place my hand on his cheek in a nurturing nature to calm his shaking a bit. 

"No, nothing's wrong. That's what terrifying Gwen. I know how I feel when I'm with you or think of you. I know how fast I'm falling for you to be honest. But I don't know what's in your head and that's scary. I don't know where you see this or us down the road and I'm scared of getting hurt. The way I feel about you is so strong and so clear that it hurts. My chest literally hurts when I'm around you or thinking about you baby." 

I move my hand down from his cheek on to his chest, over his heart. "Aw, I don't want your chest to hurt though because of me." 

He smiles and luckily I can make out his dimples in the dark as my stomach does summersaults. "No honey, it hurts in a good way. Like for the first time, I feel my heart actually beating for something... For someone." 

"God Blake." I lean in for a kiss full of tenderness. It's the first time kissing where I think to myself that this man loves me. Regardless of him saying it, his eyes, his lips, his devotion to me and the boys express all I need to know. "Blake, baby, this was never a rebound for me. Or a fling. Or whatever. I promise. Maybe at the beginning it was fun to flirt because, well, frankly i loved the way you made me feel, the way you made me smile and laugh. And I loved the way I made you smile too.... But babe, somewhere along the road of us just simply making each other smile and making the days a little easier, this became so much more. WE became so much more. The way you look at me, the way you hold me, the way you make me feel safe, the way you make the boys feel safe. No man has ever done that for me Blake. Ever." Getting pretty emotional at this point I pull his head forward with my hand and give him a deep kiss in order to stop the tears. It's a good, long, passionate kiss that leaves us seeing stars for a bit when we separate as I continue. 

"So to answer your question. Yes this is real. You and me. Us. This is real Blake. The feelings I'm feeling, the love I'm feeling, it's So real, it terrifies me to be honest." 

"Please Don't be scared of loving me baby?"

"I'm not scared of loving you Blake, I'm scared of not being loved back. It's been quite the pattern with the men in my life." 

"Maybe you just didn't find the right one. Cuz, my god Gwen, I swear baby, I'm gonna do you right. I promise."

He's right. I did always find the wrong guys. It wasn't me being unlovable or complicated, it was never being with the right man to begin with. And finally, I've found him. "Ya know baby, I used to wonder at the beginning of us being together that if we weren't on the voice, whether we'd still wind up together."

"And?" 

"And I think we would. I think God sent you to save me, and I think he sent me to save you. I think we were meant to find each other. Maybe it would have taken longer without the show, but, I still think I would have found you cowboy."

"And I would have found you."

"You and me are just magic." 

"You got that right sweetheart." He kisses me passionately one last time as I crawl slightly on top of him and rest my face on his chest as his heartbeat lulls me back to sleep in his arms. I want to press pause on this moment, on this feeling for as long as possible. Because when I wake up, he'll be gone.

*****

The next day was actually the first in awhile Blake and I spent it apart. He had meetings all day for some tour dates and I was busy with the kids and approving some photos for a magazine spread coming up. As much as I miss him, I also sort of love that feeling of missing him. It's weird but it makes the moment we see each other all the more enjoyable. Sometime in the afternoon I get a text from him. Not the first of the day of course, but the first with an actual reason to talk. 

"Hey babe. Adam and Behati invited us over to his house for dinner. Want to go? Or I can say we're just staying in with the kids tonight? Your call beautiful." 

I'd honestly love to go out. As much as I love my boys, sometimes I need a break and a night out. And when that night involves my sexy cowboy and two of my favorite people, it's hard for me to resist. Besides, our convo in bed last night has been weighing on me a bit and as amazing as it was and made me feel to hear his words, I want to do something nice for him. I want to show to not just him, but also to his friends, how sure I am about us. Plus, he deserves a night out too. And maybe something more afterwards. 

"I'd love to cowboy! Sounds like fun! Pick me up at 7? Gx"

"It's a date darlin." 

I immediately call my brother to see if the kids can stay at his house tonight. Gavin isn't back for another 3 days, and I honestly don't think I can wait another night without having this man make love to me. I decide to keep that part a secret from Blake until tonight, I like having a little fun with him sometimes. 

As 7 rolls around, I slide on a simple black maxi dress and finish applying my lipstick (hot pink, Blakes favorite) as the front door rings and I rush in my heels to answer it knowing whose on the other side. 

"Wow... Gwen... Wow." He's standing there in a new burgundy shirt and a beautiful bouquet of white roses, one of my favorites, staring at me like a work of art. I can tell he wants to kiss me but doesn't want to smudge my lipstick so i take the initiative as I walk towards him with purpose and lean up slightly in my stilettos. He moans into my mouth as my tongue snakes into his and I'm finding it hard to not cancel dinner and let him have his way with me right here and now. Backing down, his lips are still in the purse position with his eyes closed as I giggle at the bright lipstick all over his lips. 

"Might want to check the mirror before we go cowboy. You got a little something." 

He laughs as he sees his reflection but doesn't rub it off. "I think I'll leave it. I like everyone knowing you can't keep your hands off of me." 

I throw my head back laughing as I grab my purse with one hand and intertwine his fingers with the other as we make our way to Adams and Behatis.

The night is filled with food, drinks, and laughter. The two of them are great friends and great company. It's just easy. And even though we've never come out and said that Blake and I are dating to him, it's just assumed. And I love that about Adam. He's so loyal that he knows when to say or not say something for the benefit of people he cares about. This is also technically the first double date we've been on. I mean besides hanging out on the voice set, this is the first time Blake and I have been free to kiss the other on the cheek or reach out for their hand or shamelessly flirt. And I love it. But as the evening goes on, and we start getting more comfortable with our affection, the teasing from Adam begins. 

"I mean, Gwen, if you just wanted a rebound you realize you could have gotten like Bono or George Clooney. I mean, think about it next time before you rush into anything buddy." It's incredibly lighthearted and I know him and Blake are best friends so I don't take it seriously, but I'm protective over the way he referred to us as a rebound and after last night I don't want Blake worrying. 

Grabbing Blakes hand and holding onto it with both of mine to prove a point I stare straight at Adam "It's not like that Adam. It never has been... We're together." 

Blake looks at me a little shocked, but mostly proud as he smiles and looks back at his friend and says "Yeah... What she said." 

"Thank god! Cuz you two are so perfect for each other! I love it!" Behati chimed in while walking in with another bottle of wine, causing both me and Blake to blush as she gushed over us more while moving to sit on her husbands lap. 

****  
Walking into my empty home around midnight, we're both tired but I can't wait another second to not be with Blake. The second the door closes, I'm in his arms, shoving my tongue down his throat. I'm pinning him up against the wall as he gets his bearings while my fingers move to his top buttons. 

"Hold on pretty girl, as much as I'd love that, what about the boys upstairs?" Still talking in a whisper, I forgot that he still thinks there are three sleepyheads under this roof. 

"Not tonight cowboy. The boys are at my brothers." I see his eyes darken as I move my hand to his growing erection in his jeans. "Which means. It's just you. And me." Unzipping his pants, I reach my hand into his jeans where I grip onto his dick as his eyes close and he leans his head back against the wall trying to hold back any kind of self control he still has.

"Blake...take me." 

That's all I needed to say as he soon flipped me so I was the one now up against the wall as he began peeling my dress off of me as I worked on ripping open his shirt. I felt a little bad since i broke a few buttons on his brand new shirt but I'm pretty sure he won't mind. We're both so horny and in need of each other intimately that we are trying to get undressed as humanly possible. 

As soon as I'm down to nothing but my red thong and him in his boxers, he picks me up while mouth fucking me and walks me over to the kitchen table where he sets me down as he begins marking my neck and breasts.

"God Blake. I need you please. I need it fast... Fast and dirty. Please. Right now." 

Just then he flips me around so that my back is on against his chest and plants my hands on the table. He slowly peels down my sopping wet panties causing me to tremble as i wait in anticipation when I feel him take his boxers off. Standing back up against me, I feel his erection against my butt cheeks and I swear I could probably come just from that sensation. 

"Ready baby?"

"Fuck me cowboy." 

Sliding all the way into me from behind against my dinner table, I almost collapse from the pure pleasure felt. He's so deep inside of me that I can do nothing but scream his name like a fucking prayer. God I missed this feeling. I don't want this feeling to end but I also know neither of us will last long as I already feel my legs shaking from my soon to be climax. He can feel it to while he picks up speed, the sound of our bodies pounding against each other the only sound to be heard in my empty mansion. 

"Blake! Blake! Right there! Yes! Yes! I'm comingggggggggg!" It felt so incredible to not only come with Blake inside me but to scream as loud as I wanted. I'm literally seeing spots. God I want more.

"Fuck Gwen. I've needed this so bad. I've needed to make you scream my name, I've needed to watch you come, I've needed to make you completely wrecked like you are right now! God your fucking perfect!" Still pounding into me, I can tell from his breaths that he's close. He always comes after me. Partly to make sure I'm satisfied first, but also because the feeling of my walls clamping down on his hard dick usually is the tipping point for him as it causes him spill his seed into me. And sure enough, right as I'm coming down from my climax, I feel him thrust into me deeply as he reaches his own release. The feeling of him coming inside me brings me almost more pleasure then my own orgasm. It's crazy. Its euphoric. It's love. 

"Shit Blake... I guess we needed that." We both start laughing, still trying to get our breathing under control as he's still planted behind me with his arm around my stomach. Finally I turn around, and I can see the sheer exhaustion in his face as he looks pretty fucked out. I admit that I'm a little proud of myself. "You look pretty tired cowboy. Was it too much for you?" I love teasing him, even though I'm just as exhausted as he is. 

Smiling down at me, his eyes half open, his curls wet from sweat, he gives a small laugh. "As if darlin." Before I know it, he's Picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder playfully and walking towards my bedroom. 

"You've seen nothin yet Miss Stefani." 

****

It's 5am as Blake and I are sitting on my patio watching the sunrise eating pancakes he whipped up after a whole night of numerous rounds of sex. We had it rough, fast, sweet, hot, tender, passionate. Literally everything and everywhere. It's almost as if we were both virgin teenagers discovering it for the first time. The craziest thing is how not tired we are. You'd think after all that physical activity we'd be knocked out but we're not. Finally around 4:30 of laughing and snuggling and possibly time for round four, my stomach started growling causing Blake to laugh. Prying ourselves out of bed, we made our way to the kitchen to "refuel" as Blake put it as he began making me breakfast. He was so cute singing along in the kitchen to the Hall and Oats music I put on as he cracked the eggs like a pro. He's wearing nothing but his short black boxer briefs and a grey fitted shirt tight up against his broad chest and I soon find myself staring and biting my lips at how hot he is. He must have noticed me staring because soon he was twirling me around in the kitchen dancing to the whole song while the first pancake burned. The second was delicious. 

Taking a plate out to the patio as the sun starts creeping up over the Hollywood hills, he sits down on one of the huge chaise lounges pulling me onto his lap. He wraps his arms around my bare legs since I'm in nothing but his burgundy shirt from last night (and since it's missing a few buttons, it's a extra breezy). But after eating some breakfast, I lean my back against his chest as we stare out at the view. His arms are wrapped safely around me as he kisses the side of my head at my hairline and I've never felt more love in my entire life. 

"So was last night worth the two week long wait cowboy?" 

"Gwen, this moment right here, right now, with you, was well worth the 39 year wait."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. This Storyline is a little choppy because this chapter sort of consists of a bunch of little ideas rolled into one. Been having trouble of where to go with this series or if I should end it soon. Anyway, thanks for your support and I hope you enjoy. Love the comments and suggestions :)

It's close to 6am by the time we finally make our way back to bed. I started drifting to sleep as we cuddled in my backyard watching the sunrise that before I could say anything I felt him stand up with me cradled in his arms as if I weighed nothing. I barely register the trip to my bedroom when suddenly I feel him gently place me on the cold white sheets of my bed before climbing in behind me. For a second I was scared that he was going to drive home like he has been at this hour so out of fearing our routine I called out for him softly with my eyes still closed like a child. 

"Blake...?" 

Sensing my nervousness of not wanting to be alone he wrapped his arms around me tighter from behind as he kissed the back of my head. "Shh it's ok baby. I'm right here. Go to sleep beautiful. I'll be here when you wake up." 

Thank God. 

About six hours later, my phone goes off waking us both out of a deep, deep sleep. We both jump at the noise as we scramble a bit to blindly find my iPhone in the dark room due to my curtains being closed. Finally finding it on the floor by my nightstand I see it's my mom calling. 

"Hi mom." My voice sounds so groggy, it would be impossible for her not to see that I was sleeping. 

"Hi honey. Were you sleeping?" 

"Yeah, late night. I just drifted back I guess. How are the boys? I'm sorry it's so late. I know I told you I'd call you in the morning."

"That's ok, we just had lunch. Everyone's good. Do you want me and your dad to bring them over?" 

"No we can come get them. Thanks though." 

"We?" Crap. It kind of slipped out and of course my mom would catch it.

"Yeah, Blake is with me." Sitting up in bed I can feel him place his hand on my back as I look down at him on my pillow giving a small smile to show he's grateful for being included. 

"Ok, well then I guess we'll see you both soon. Bye honey." 

"Bye mom." There was worry in her voice, I could hear it. It's not that they don't like Blake. I just know they're concerned for me moving too fast and getting hurt again. If only they knew Blake like I do they would see they have absolutely nothing to be concerned about. In the few months we've been together he's made me feel more safe and loved then Gavin or Tony did for twenty five years combined. Putting my phone on the nightstand I lean back down into Blake's chest not quite ready to start the day. 

"How's your mom? Calling about the boys?" I love listening to him talk with my head on his chest. The vibrations from his morning drawl always make me smile. 

"Yeah. I forgot to set my alarm. Someone kept me up all night." 

He gives a big chuckle grabbing my ass with one of his huge hands. "Can't say I'm sorry darlin. Although I might be walking funny for a week." Now it's my turn to laugh as I turn my body to now face him as we give each other playful kisses. 

"Hey so, it's ok if your busy, but if you want you can come with me to get the boys and we can hang at my parents for a bit. Maybe have dinner or something there. I mean I know it's a big step, dinner with the parents plus picking up the boys so I understand if you don't--" 

My rambling of insecurity is cut off by two lips on mine with a kiss that made me forget my own name. 

"I'd love to go with you Gwen. Thank you." 

I can feel myself beaming as I stare up at this man, my heart literally exploding. The amount of times I had to beg Gavin to come to my parents or let them come over was never ending. It broke my heart especially because he knew how close I was to them so I felt like sometimes he just did it to be spiteful. 

"K good, cause I'm not ready to say bye to you yet. We got to leave soon though. Mind if I jump in the shower first?" 

"Sure thing beautiful. Do you want some company?" God that grin of his gets me every time. It's like a naughty school boy with only one thing on his mind. 

"I'd love to babe but if you're in there with me I don't think we'll be leaving anytime soon." He laughs and nods as I move to get up and walk across the room to the bathroom to turn the shower on. As I wait for the water to heat up standing in a towel, I suddenly miss him already and I can't help myself from poking my head out from the bathroom door. 

"On second thought cowboy..." 

His ears perk up from his spot of the bed as his eyes scan my obvious naked body. 

"I think I might need a little help washing up. Do you mind babe?" 

Whipping the white sheets off of his body, he shot out of bed and practically skipped across the room into my arms as he ripped the towel off of me and playfully kissed my neck. 

"At your service ma'am!" 

 

About forty five minutes and two shower orgasms later, Blake and I make our way into my Range Rover to head over to my parents. The shower took a little longer then expected but the way he dropped to his knees and backed me up against the tiled wall I couldn't resist. I wanted to repay him but he insisted that he wanted to do that for me without anything in return for himself, that making me feel good is his absolute favorite. Again, I couldn't resist. But still, were a little late. I threw on some skinny jeans, a white t shirt and heels but my face is completely bare. I know I'm just going over to my parents but lately there has been a ton of photographers everywhere and I'm not quite ready to be that natural out and about. 

"Oh crap!" Halfway to my parents I realize I had forgotten my makeup bag. The realization startles Blake as he looks at me concerningly. 

"What is it?"

"I forgot my bag at home. I was going to do my makeup before getting out! Damnit! I hope no paparazzi are there!" Flipping down the mirror on the ceiling of the car I look myself over and let out a sigh as I suddenly wished I'd kept my lashes on from last night. "God I look terrible." I say this a little under my breath, not really realizing it was out loud. 

"Hey babe, you look beautiful. You always look beautiful. And today is no exception." He takes my tiny hand into his two big ones as my other sits on the steering wheel. He's literally looking at me like I was a diamond. 

"Thank you. I just... I just feel more protected I guess. I was always told I look better with it on by you know who." My voice starts to quiver a little at the confession to him as I feel his grip on my hand tighten. 

"Who do you need protection from babe? It's just me Gwen and you already know I think you're the most beautiful girl on the planet. And as far as your ex, well, let's just chalk that up to him once again being the worlds dumbest man by not realizing what he had before it was too late. K?" 

As many times as people have called me beautiful, I'm ashamed to admit that this is one of the few times I've actually believed the compliment being given. The way he looks at me, how he always looks at me. It doesn't matter if I'm fully made up or just waking up, it doesn't matter if I'm cooking dinner or covered in spit up or if he's making love to me, he always looks at me the same way. Like I'm his everything. And I feel as if he's mine. 

"K babe." I pull up to a stop sign and since there is no one behind me I put the car in park and lean over to him and give him a big kiss that leaves him seeing stars. "Thanks cowboy. You do wonders for my self esteem, ya know that?" I continue driving the rest of the way in silence as he holds onto my hand. Pulling into the driveway I'm a little relieved there's no photographers. Not so much because of my appearance but Blake showing up with me at my parents would be quite the headline. Not sure we are quite ready for that. 

He gets out first and opens my car door as I gather my purse. I see him give a slightly worried look at the front door and suddenly I smile realizing he's nervous. This is actually feeling like high school when you bring your boyfriend over to meet your family. I can't help but giggle out loud causing him to look back at me. 

"What's so funny?" 

"You cowboy. You're so cute." I lean up and give him a small peck on the cheek. "Don't worry babe, you've met them already remember? And They already love you."

"Yeah but that was before I was dating their daughter. I just want to make a good impression ya know. I want them to like me." 

Running my fingers through his hair I take his hand in mine. "Trust me honey. Once they see the smile you put on my face, they're going to love you even more." Letting out a sigh of relief he kisses my forehead and leads me to the front door as he rings the doorbell. 

"Ok. Let's do this darlin." 

****

Laying in bed by myself I can't stop smiling as I replay the last twenty four hours. From the incredible date night with my cowboy, to a night filled with passion, and finally to the rest of the day with my babies and family. How did I go from literally being in hell a few months ago to being this ridiculously happy. It's almost scary. Almost as if something is bound to come crashing down. No way I could ever be this lucky. I mean, lucky in love has never been my area of expertise. But somehow, I think all of that might be changing. 

I had been right about Blake and my family. They adored him. At first it was a little strange because no one really knew if he was here as a friend or what but within ten minutes he fit right in. And the boys were beyond ecstatic to see him. Especially Apollo who immediately reached out for him as he entered the room. My mom literally swooned at the sight of this beautiful man kissing his cheek, making him giggle because of the tickles his scruff caused. The part that really made my heart melt was after dinner when we were sitting in the family room eating dessert and just out of instinct I reached out to hold onto his hand. I'm not even sure how long I had been holding onto it but I just loved how natural it all felt. Everything was comfortable, so simple, so pure. I never wanted to let go. 

After getting home kind of late, I put the boys to bed and invited Blake in for just a bit. He was leaving first thing in the morning for his ranch and as much as I wish he could stay the night I know that since he pretty much hasn't left my side in a few days he's got to get home and pack. It's seriously killing me though. I've grown so obsessed with this man that the thought of not being able to see him is literally giving me a stomach ache. Leaning up against the couch arm I rest in between his legs while draping my arms around his neck. 

"Today went well. Yeah?" 

"It went great Blake. I knew they'd love you." A huge smile appears on his face and I can't stop myself from kissing him all over.

"What times your flight?" 

"Seven. I'll be in Nashville for a night then the ranch by Saturday to deal with some business."

"God I'm going to miss you cowboy. Hurry back to me ok?" 

"Nothing is ever going to keep me from coming back to you sweetheart." Leaning our foreheads together in my dark family room he whispers into my ear causing shivers up and down my body. "Nothing." 

I walked him to the door where we kissed for a solid twenty minutes until he really did have to leave causing me to start crying like a woman saying bye to her soldier boyfriend. Always my saving grace, Blake simply held me close, swayed our bodies together and soothed my tears with his gentle words until I was ready to let go. Back in bed though, I already miss him and I can tell this is already going to be a long few days until he comes back. 

Until he comes back to me. 

*****

The next day was luckily busy being filled with my babies. It was actually the first time in awhile it was just the four of us hanging out going to soccer games and the toy store. As much as I missed Blake, I was grateful to have my three Angels. It wouldn't last long though. The next morning I had to drop them off at their fathers and since the nanny had the weekend off, I had to do the honors of going to his new house. I haven't seen Gavin since he cornered me in my trailer and I'm nervous he might try the same thing again. I'm not scared to slap him across the face but the thought of his hands on me makes me sick. I wish I could just keep them here with me all the time, I wish this wasn't happening. 

Driving over to his house the next morning, my stomach turns to knots. I'm hoping that I'm making a bigger deal then it really is and in actuality I'll drop them off, say bye, and be done with it. I'm praying that'll be the case but unfortunately Gavin has never been an easy case in any situation. Pulling into his driveway, I park the car and start helping the kids out. Holding Apollo and his baby bag, I tell Kingston to ring the doorbell. That in itself is a strange scenario. His kids waiting to be let in outside their fathers house. Whatever, I can't let myself go there. 

The door opens and Gavin opens his arms for his boys to run into. I hate to admit it, but he can be a good father to our boys. I wish I could say the same about him as a husband. After Apollo wiggles out of my arms and in to play with his brothers in the backyard, I'm left standing at the front door with my ex in what I'm hoping will be a quick goodbye. 

"So I'll pick them up next Saturday?" 

"Yeah. Sure... Hey, um, I'm sorry, about in your trailer and all." I'm shocked at what I'm hearing. Pretty sure he's apologized to me twice in the twenty years we've been together and I doubt he meant either of them. I don't want to fall for this though. I can already tell what he's doing. Acting sweet, acting gentle, acting sorry because he knows I'm a sucker for that. 

"Gavin, don't worry about it. Really it's fine. I'll see you next week." I'm a bit cold, but I have to be. 

"It's just I miss you Gwen. I miss our family baby." The sound of him calling me baby makes my heart break, and I hate it. I can't even look at him as I turn to open my car door but feel him right behind me with his hands on my shoulders. 

Wiggling out of his touch I stay facing my car instead of him. "Please. Stop. I can't do this Gavin. I tried for twenty years. Every damn day. For us. For our family. But you didn't care. You didn't try. You ruined everything with your lies and secrets and now here we are. Seeing our kids every other week. Talking only through lawyers. You did this. Not me. You destroyed me Gavin. I was in hell and now I'm finally clawing myself out and you're still here kicking me back down." I start to cry as I get more and more worked up and suddenly I'm transported back to our marriage and the millions of fights exactly like this. 

"Gwen I didn't mean to-"

"No! You don't get to do this to me anymore. You don't get to have this power over me anymore. We're done Gavin, I'm free. I'm finally able to be myself, I'm finally allowing myself to be happy. And I'm doing all of it without you in my life." Without looking back, I get into my car, slam the door and drive away without even bothering to look in my rear view mirror to see the look on his face. 

Walking into my empty mansion I can't help but immediately run into my bed and start sobbing uncontrollably. As amazing as it felt to say those things to Gavin, I'm still hurting. He was my husband, the father of my children, you can't just turn that switch off over night. I know it's not love anymore that I feel for him, but it is some kind of power. I can't explain it. Climbing under the covers in my bed I suddenly find Blakes sweatshirt rolled up in a ball by my pillow. I forgot I had slept in it last night and the timing of finding if just now could not have been more perfect. Just the smell of his hoodie is calming me down as my tears slowly disappear. I'm suddenly no longer crying over the pain my soon to be ex husband caused but am instead crying over a man I'm quickly falling in love for. Even if it is too scary to admit to myself.

I pull my phone out knowing immediately whose voice I need to hear, whose eyes I need to look into, whose smile I need to see. Waiting for him to answer the FaceTime call I know I look a mess with puffy eyes as it's blatantly obvious that I've been crying. I wish it weren't the case and that I once again wasn't always the one with issues but before I could hang up, his handsome face pops up. 

"Hey sweetheart! Whoa what's wrong baby?" His voice did a complete 180 as he went from excited to concerned in one second flat. 

"I'm sorry honey. I didn't mean to call crying."

"It's ok Gwen, I'm glad you did call. What's going on baby?" 

"I dropped the kids off at Gavin's and he... he..." I can't even get my words out in between my sobs and I feel like an idiot.

"Whatever he said to you Gwen, however he made you feel, it's nonsense. Ok baby girl? I don't need to know the details to know for a fact that he's an idiot and You're the strongest woman I know. And I come from the south so that's saying a lot!" That last part made me laugh which I'm sure was his intention. 

"Hey now there's that beautiful smile I've been missing pretty girl." Rubbing my eyes I smile adoringly back at him through our phones, clutching it as if it's my life line.

"I miss you Blake. So much." 

"Me too baby. I hate not being there to hold you when you're sad like this. It seriously breaks my heart Gwen. I mean I'm suppose to be there next to you for this stuff."

Suddenly i feel guilty. I didn't mean to make him feel bad for having to be out of town. He's literally spent every moment with me and my boys and he deserved some ranch time. I didn't want him to think I was so fragile that he couldn't leave town for just a few days. That doesn't seem like a healthy relationship. 

"Gwen how bout I catch a plane out of here tonight? I can be in LA by midnight?" 

"No baby, it's fine really. I'm fine. You haven't been home in so long. Enjoy your time out there."

"I can't enjoy it knowing your at home crying though. That doesn't sit right with me honey." 

"You worry too much cowboy."

"I just want you to be happy Gwen." 

"I am baby. You make me so happy. Now go have fun and text me before you go to bed. Bye handsome." I blow him a kiss making him blush and push end feeling the loneliness hit me immediately. As much as I wanted to ask him to come home, that's not fare to him, it's only selfish to me. 

About an hour later just as I'm getting ready to make myself some lunch a text comes in from Blake and my stomach fills with butterflies knowing it'll bring a smile to my face. 

"I know you don't want me to cut my trip short and come back to LA but being away from you right now is harder then I thought. I think I'm officially whipped. How'd you like to come out to Tish and spend the next couple days on my ranch with me? I know it's a little selfish of me asking you to drop everything and fly out here but what can I say, I'm obsessed. Anyway, think about it."

Just then I get a confirmation email from the airlines with my first class plane ticket he must have just bought for me in my name name that leaves lax in three hours. My heart is exploding as I decide what to do. What if the boys need me? What if Gavin needs me? Wait what am I saying? I'm free of him, it's time to live in the present, it's time to choose my own happiness and I choose Blake. 

"Giddy up cowboy. I'm on my way. Gx" 

****

God his house is amazing. It's still under construction but you can already tell how beautiful it will be. And The amount of land he has out here is insane. Nothing like LA, I understand now why he's not a huge fan of the city, no way you can get property and privacy like this. It's so quiet, it's exactly what I needed. I needed to get away from the noise, the old memories. I needed get away from my past and back into my futures arms. When I arrived that Saturday night, it was nearly midnight. So other then a quick tour we went straight to bed. Because his LA house is a rental, this is the first time I get to see pieces of his past. Family photos and memorabilia. His room is filled with tiny knick knacks that are clearly sentimental. And although I can quickly tell he's not the type to hold on to every little thing, the items that are kept out must be special. I'm excited to learn why someday.

"You're the first one I've brought here other then my mom and sister."

"Really? Wow. I'm honored. It's beautiful Blake. I feel like I already don't ever want to leave." Climbing into bed I lean into his chest as he wraps his arms around me after turning off the light. 

"Is that a promise baby?" I tilt my head up and kiss him out of gratitude for sharing this with me before drifting to sleep in his arms on his ranch. 

 

The next morning is pretty lazy as we lounge around, not really having any real plans other then enjoying each other's company. I'm so comfortable as I lay against the arm of his giant couch with my legs bent up while my feet rest on his thighs. I'm reading a book while he's on his phone, either answering emails or Twitter or something. We're not talking but I can see his brow furrow at something he's reading as I lift my eyes from behind my book. 

"Wow. The amount of articles there are about my weight is ridiculous. You'd think I was obese before or something." 

I don't say anything other then give a small smile. 

"I still have such a gut though. And manboobs. God..." I hear him mumble something else to himself but I can make it out. I don't think he realizes that he's saying this stuff out loud because he hasn't looked to me once for a response, he just looks down with a frown as he pinches his stomach. Blake feeling insecure about his body is the last thing in the world i want. He makes me feel beautiful everyday without a stitch of make up on and I never want him to feel any less about himself. He is so hot, so attractive, so manly, I honestly love it all. And I know for a fact that I would have still fallen for him even he didn't lose all that weight. None of that matters to me. It honestly doesn't, and I want him to know that. Immediately. 

Without saying a word, I put my book on the coffee table, sit up, and move to straddle him as he sits on the couch. Luckily I'm wearing a sundress due to the heat wave making it extremely easy to do so. He seems a bit surprised by my motion but soon enough his hands are resting on my ass as mine go around his neck while I lean in for a kiss. 

"Blake Shelton *kiss* You *kiss* Are One *kiss* Sexy *kiss* Cowboy." I don't want to overdue it otherwise he'd think I was just humoring him. I mean the amount of times my vanity had gotten to me in front of him is more then I can count, and my favorite way of him calming me is simply saying how beautiful I look. The sincerity in his eyes every time literally brings me to tears. All I can do is pray that he sees the same in mine. I think he does but he still gives an embarrassed smile while looking down, so I decide to keep going. 

"Babe, I seriously love your body. You're so tall and so manly and so real. Like this is what a real man looks like. With your scruff from not shaving and tan from working outside and your chest. Oh my god don't get me started on your chest. It's so broad and strong but soft at the same time." Now I'm the one getting embarrassed as I gush over him, burying my face in his neck. I can feel him smile and laugh as he wraps his arms around me. 

"Well I'm glad you like it darlin." He brings me in for a kiss and his hands go back to my ass while I grip onto the collar of his shirt. Opening my mouth, his tongue immediately finds mine and our make out begins. My temperature is rising with every contact of his groin against mine as I sit atop him.

"Seriously though baby, don't think that way about yourself. I mean, do you have any idea how hot you make me cowboy?" I give a sexy little smirk as I scratch the back of his head with my nails causing him to make a small moan and close his eyes. I can tell I'm affecting him. 

"No I don't. How hot DO I make you babe?" His crooked smile shows me he's in a playful mood so I don't mind going along. So instead of going in for a kiss which I'm sure he was expecting, I decide to be a little bold. 

Releasing one of my hands from around his neck, I kneel up a bit from straddling him and bring my hand under my dress. Without losing eye contact with him, I push my thong aside and dip one of my fingers into my already wet pussy, coating it in my own moisture. His mouth drops open in astonishment which is exactly what I wanted as I pull my hand out from under my dress and rub my wet finger over his lips and finally into his mouth where he begins sucking my juices off of me as his eyes clothes. 

"That's how hot cowboy." I can feel him grow in his jeans from under me only causing me to get more and more turned on. I think he liked my response. 

"Jesus Christ Gwen!" He pulls me in for a filthy kiss as taste myself from his tongue. He's literally devouring my mouth and I'm having trouble keeping up as I start grinding down on his lap. 

"Blake..." 

"Yeah baby girl?" It's at least another three minutes before I answer back since we are both so busy battling with each other's tongues. 

"I need you to fuck me ... Like. Right now." My request is frantic, desperate, and very breathy. 

"Thank god cuz I was ready to rip this dress off of you the second you put it on this morning." 

Not leaving my lips from his I kneel up a bit at I work to unbuckle his belt and jeans blindly. His hands are helping a bit but they get soon get distracted as he pulls the strap down on a side of my dress and quickly whips out one of my boobs causing his mouth to immediately engulf it. The feeling of him rolling my entire breast in his mouth is causing me to moan on top of him as I lose focus on what my hands were originally working on. Soon his hands go under my dress skirt and firmly grab onto my ass bringing me back to earth. My hand unzips his jeans and reach in to pull out his rock hard cock. Holding in my hand, I can literally feel him grow in my grasp and I must be practically dripping at the anticipation. He pushes my thong to the side with one hand as his finger does a quick swipe to make sure I'm ready for him. 

"Fuck Gwen. You're so wet." 

I lower myself onto him as my walls stretch from his size. Both of us close our eyes as his head falls back and mine falls forward. A high pitched whimper comes out my mouth, and a deep growl out of his. After a few minutes of adjusting, I begin riding him. The feeling is amazing. Every time we have sex, which has been more and more lately, we find new ways to please the other. Riding this hot cowboy in the middle of the day, on my couch in a frantic fuck is something of a first for me, but I pray to god it's not the last. 

I can already feel my orgasm coming in less then ten minutes as he thrusts his hip up into my and I grab onto the back of the couch to ride him harder. 

"Fuck! Blake! I'm...!"

"That's it! Come Gwen! Come for me! Come for me right now baby!" I love it when he gets a little demanding like that. He's so sweet and gentle but this animalistic side of him, of us, has been coming out more and more and I love it. It's as if he always know exactly how I want to be intimate with him every time.

"Blakeeeee! Ohhhhhh!" I come hard on top of him. Harder then I anticipated to be honest. Before I'm even done with riding out my own orgasm, he's picked me up and turned me around so my back is now on the couch and he's on top pounding into me. I'm so wet from my orgasm that I can hear the juices with every thrust of his dick into me and I admit that it's turning me on all over again. Within a couple of minutes in this new position my cowboy is ready to explode as I whisper into his ear that's it's ok to let go, in fact I want to feel it just as badly as he does. I grab his slightly sweaty face with my hands and bring his head in for a filthy kiss full of tongue as I wrap my legs around his waste and clench my walls around his cock causing him to spill in to me. 

"Fuck! Gwen I'm coming!" As soon as the words leave his mouth his lips are back on mine as I can't help but smile through it as I continue grinding my hips from under him, milking him of every last drop. He's breathing so hard as he rests his head on my chest that for a second I'm worried that somethings wrong. That is, until he looks up at me with those foggy baby blues and gives this perfect dimpled grin. 

"Jesus woman. I'm gonna need like a Gatorade after that round. God you're amazing." He plops his head back on my sweaty chest placing a small kiss by my heart as I run my fingers through his girls. 

"I warned you that I was hot for you cowboy." I lean my lips down to his ear to emphasize my point in case any insecurities were creeping back to whisper into him "I'm Always hot for you Blake, and only you." 

"You're perfect Gwen." 

*****

It's close to midnight as I lay in bed with bed. He's asleep after being tired from some farm work outside this afternoon. Never thought I'd say that about the man I'm sharing a bed with, but here we are. I on the other hand am pretty awake. Maybe it's the time change, who knows. I don't mind though. I love resting my head on his chest, listening to his calming heart beat. It sometimes lulls me to sleep which it's starting to slowly do. Just as I feel my eye lids start to get heavy, I feel Blake stir from underneath me. I hear him mumbling something but I can't make it out. Thinking he's awake, I lean up and find his eyes still closed but his brow is fully furrowed. 

"No, no." He's softly saying these words over and over and I suddenly realize he's having a bad dream. At first I find it slightly cute but then once I feel him shaking and heart rate racing, my motherly intuition kicks in and I want to help him through it. Running my fingers through his hair with one hand and placing my other on his cheek, I slowly try to calmly wake him up out of his nightmare. 

"Blake, baby, shhh, shhh. It's ok honey, wake up. Wake up Blake." 

"Huh? What?" A little startled and slightly scared, he opens his eyes, unaware of where he is. Towering over him with my hands still on his face, he looks at me with tears in his eyes. "It's ok baby, you were just having a bad dream. You kept saying no over and over again." 

Leaning his head back down on the pillow he lets out a huge sigh. "I'm sorry hun. I didn't mean to wake you." He pulls me back into his arms with my head on his chest just like before he woke up. But unlike before, his heartbeat is not calming, it's racing. So much that I'm worried. Leaning up again I place my hand on his chest to try and calm him down. 

"Blake your heart is racing. Are you ok? What was your dream?" I'm looking him in the eye but he keeps his shut as he brings his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

"You were in an accident... Like my brother. And I couldn't get to you in time. I couldn't save you. Like I couldn't save him." Tears are slowly filling his eyes as I tried my hardest to hold my own back. Sitting up against the headboard I pulled into my embrace as I hold onto him tightly. Very rarely does he let his walls down with me, probably because I'm constantly in need of his strength, but even though it kills me to see him in pain, to know I have something to offer him is comforting on a strange level. 

"I'm terrified of losing everyone I love. And I can't lose you Gwen. I can't." 

"You're not going to lose me baby. I'm right here, I'm safe, I'm with you, and I'm not going anywhere. Ever." I keep repeating those words 'I'm right here' over and over until I start to feel him calm down. I know that this fear of abandonment he has is probably a bigger issue then what those simple words can heal, but for now, they seem to do the trick. His grip around me loosens as I feel his embarrassment start to creep in. He suddenly sits up in bed with his back towards me and I'm worried that his pride is hurt. 

"You ok honey?" 

"Yeah, just not very tired anymore. Thinking about taking Betty for a walk." He moves to get up and slide on his boots and suddenly Im scared that he's running away. Like his ego is hurt for breaking on me and now he's too embarrassed to be around me or look at me. 

"Oh, ok." You can hear the disappointment in my voice. I move to lay back down in bed, alone, when suddenly I see him holding out one of his grey sweatshirts in his hand towards me. 

"Oh do you not want to come with me? I thought A walk would be kind of fun. But it's a little cold out so you should put this on." He's giving this tiny smirk and suddenly the sparkle is back in his eyes that I feared his nightmare had taken away from me. Sliding on my boots and his hoodie we start walking along a path with Betty leading the way. Since our celebrity status draws so much attention, we can't exactly go for nightly strolls in LA so It's nice doing stuff like this with him. I forgot what it's like to simply be with someone. And It feels amazing. The moon is rising and it's not long before we're stopped in a dirt road on his land kissing passionately beneath the stars. 

"Thank you for being here with me Gwen."

"There's no where else I'd rather be Blake."


	12. Chapter 12

After our midnight stroll around his property we had gotten back and had almost immediately fallen to sleep. It was nice to get out though, nice to walk around, nice to hear Blake talk about his family, about his brother. More often then not, I'm the one rambling on and on about anything and everything as he sits there quietly listening. So it was really great hearing him be the one to talk my ear off with stories of how him and his brother would always be in trouble. Some of the stories had tears running down my face as they switched from both goofy brotherly shenanigans to a longing of missing his big brother who was also his idol growing up. I couldn't imagine losing a sibling, I couldn't imagine how his mother could lose a child. The thought of it is literally my worst nightmare and I immediately miss my children like a limb promising myself to call them first thing in the morning. 

After having a lazy morning getting up and staying in bed snuggling and making out, we finally got on with our day as we climbed in his truck and took off for town. Even though I would have been more then happy to just hang around his home all day I can tell how excited he is to show me around. I know for a fact Miranda wasn't a fan of Tish so I want to make sure he knows how much I enjoy being here, it's his home after all and I'm more then honored to be here with him. The town is truly incredible. Sure I grew up in Orange County and am a city girl but I love experiencing different cultures, no matter where they are. I know a lot of people might have preconceived notions about me being from Hollywood and not into this whole small town vibe but the truth is I love it. I love the quiet streets, the small mom n pop shops, and the friendly people walking on by waving hi and being polite to anyone that passes. Growing up in a town like this I can see now why Blake is the way he is. He's arguably the biggest country star in the world but he's still remains so down to earth and humble that it makes me beyond proud to hold his hand walking down the street. 

Walking into a restaurant for a late lunch I realize this is probably the first time we've eaten out in public. Since our relationship is still under wraps, we spend the majority of our time at our homes or on the voice set where it's safe. But here in Oklahoma, no body seems to notice us. Or they do but are polite enough to let us be. I love that. It finally gives us a chance to be a regular couple without being hounded by photographers and tabloids the second we become public in Los Angeles. But sitting in a booth next to my country boyfriend makes me forget all that and enjoy our lunch date at this quaint diner in his hometown. After lunch, we walked around the town a little more hand in hand as I popped into a couple shops to buy the boys some cowboy souvenirs that I knew they and Blake would get a kick out of. Then we walked over to this beautiful lake and sat on a bench eating some ice cream. I think he could tell how hesitant I was to order some of my own considering I had a not so healthy lunch a few hours earlier so instead of pushing the subject and making a big deal out of it he just came back with two spoons sticking out of his ice cream filled cup. Sitting on the bench with one of his arms resting along the back as I lean into him nibbling on the melting ice cream, I found it impossible not to smile staring out on the lake as families walk by.

"So... What do you think of Tish darlin?" I can't help but giggle at how extra thick is accent is here in the south. I can also detect a little bit of insecurity in his question. Almost as if he's scared of my response, like this life is not enough for me or something. 

"Oh my God Blake... I love it!" I turn to face him on the bench just to see a huge dimpled smile appear on his face as his arm circles around my waist 

"Really? You're not just say that?" 

"No! I promise babe. I mean obviously your house is gorgeous but this town is so beautiful and quiet and the people and shops are so cute! I really do love it, it's so different from LA, everything is just so slowed down that it's nice to be able to just sit and enjoy your day ya know?" The smile and look in his eyes says it all as he leans in and gives me a chocolate flavored kiss. We're in public so it's just a little peck but it definitely leaves me wanting more as I lean my head on his shoulder hugging his right arm as his hand sits on my thigh watching the afternoon sun fade away. 

Back at his ranch I decide to take a nice bath as he goes out to deal with construction issues with his contractor. His tub is huge just like everything in his house and my mind starts imagining what it would be like to have him in here with me. I make a mental note to somehow slip the suggestion in later tonight. 

"Gwen? Where are ya babe?" Speak of the devil, my cowboy yells up to me as he enters the house.

"Upstairs. Just cleaning up. You can come in." Walking in to the bathroom I see his mouth literally drop as he takes my naked body covered slightly by bubbles. His reaction makes me blush as I've stopped him almost dead in his tracks. "Did you need something cowboy?" 

He sits down on the edge of the tub as I see his eyes scanning up and down. "Um... I think I needed something. Honestly can't remember now. Shit you and your damn body just distract me so much." 

I laugh as I flick some bath water up at him trying to snap him out of whatever fantasy he has playing in his mind right now. "Did it have something to do with dinner?" 

"Oh that's right! I forgot I had made plans to go over to my moms for dinner tonight. I was wondering if that was ok with you or if you want I can cancel them. I mean, I know it's a big step but I'd love for you to meet her and I know she'd love meeting you." There's that insecurity again in his voice and I once again promise myself that I'm going to do everything I can to ease away his fears, no matter how long it takes. 

"No don't cancel! I'd love to meet your mom!"

"Great! Can you be ready to leave in an hour?"

"Yeah, I'm done in here anyway." I stand up in the tub as the water and bubbles drip off of my clean body in front of him knowing full well the affect it would have on my cowboy. 

"Fuck Gwen." He's practically drooling.

"Can you hand me a towel babe?"

He's literally biting his lip as he tries to hold back his testosterone even though the look I'm giving him in my eyes is telling him to go for it. Standing up he reluctantly grabs a towel as he starts gently drying me off and brushing off the bubbles from my skin. Still standing in the bathtub with his hands on me, my temperature is rising by the second as I pull on the front of his flannel for a tongue filled kiss, pressing my wet body into his dry one. I immediately moan into his mouth as his hands move to my bare ass and picks me up out of the tub and on to the bathroom counter. The feeling of his completely warm clothed body against my cold, wet, naked one is doing things to me. I can feel his erection up against my center as I wrap my legs around him locking him in as his lips move down my neck.

"We only have an hour babe. Should we wait till tonight?" My voice is already hoarse and filled with desperation as I know fully well we can't stop.

"We can be a little late it's ok honey. I'm gonna explode if I can't make love to you right now." This causes me to laugh at how blunt he is and I'm honestly a little proud of myself for turning him on so much. He goes back to marking my neck in such a way that makes me almost come at that moment.

"Ok cowboy but let's be quick! I need you badly too but I don't want to make a bad impression." 

"Anything you want babe." All the blood in his body is currently in his incredibly hard cock so I know I could have asked for anything in this moment and he would have said the same thing. But like I said, I need him too. He's had me wet ever since he walked into the bathroom and couldn't take his eyes of me. And he's very well aware of that considering how easy his fingers are sliding in and out of me as I quickly work to get his jeans off of him and around his ankles. As soon as I successfully achieve my goal he quickly pulls his fingers out causing me to give a slight whimper as he lines up his dick with my entrance and slides all the way in. I'm so tight every time no matter how many times we've had sex, but the moment he waits for me to adjust to his size inside of me is probably my favorite. No matter how rough or frantic the sex is, it's that moment when everything sort of slows down. And I love it.

"Ok, I'm ready baby." Slowly he starts thrusting into me but speeding up by the second as his lips go to my nipples. Our moans are getting louder by the second as they echo against the bathroom tile and we both know this won't last long. "Oh god yes! Fuck! So good baby!" I'm hardly making any sense as he fucks me on the bathroom counter against the mirror. The way he makes me scream is something I hope I never take for granted. 

"Shit Gwen I'm gonna come soon!" I know he's waiting for me to climax first but the feeling of him releasing inside of me is something I literally crave. I also know it'll be what sends me over the edge right behind him.

"It's ok baby, I want you to come in me. It's feels so good, please, come in me Blake." It was as if those words were a switch that automatically caused him to explode because before I knew it he was thrusting so deeply and spilling into me that it caused me to orgasm two seconds later as we both fucked each other through it until our heart rates leveled out. 

"Fuck babe." His voice is out of breath and he looks like he needs a nap. "You should take baths more often." I blush and hide my face in the front of his shirt as he wraps his arms around me and whispers sweet words into my ears before finally getting me a towel. 

*****  
Standing in front of the mirror I must have tried on a million outfits. Because this trip was so last second, I didn't exactly have time to plan out my outfits and especially didn't pack a "meet the parents" dress. I'm stressing out a bit as clothes lie everywhere on Blake's floor. 

"Honey you almost ready? Whoa, it looks like a bomb went off in here... Hey you alright?" He can immediately see the stress and worry in my eyes as he sits on the floor by my suitcase next to me. 

"What if she doesn't like me Blake?" My words are soft and simple as my eyes slightly fill and I look down at the ground embarrassed. He gives a small smile and brushes a stray hair out of my face as he puts his index finger under my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his soft blues. 

"She's going to love you Gwen. I mean, what's not to love?" I give a small smile back as he kisses my forehead and helps me up off the floor. "It doesn't matter what you wear honey. I just want you to be comfortable, I just want you to be yourself." 

 

A little bit later we pull up to his moms house. Wearing skinny jeans, a black blouse and my favorite red heeled boots, I get a little fidgety as we walk to the front door. Sensing my nervousness Blake pauses before hitting the door bell to face me. 

"You look beautiful Gwen. Don't be nervous, this'll be fun. Ok?" 

Feeling my butterflies slow down, I take a deep breath. "Ok, let's do this handsome." 

"Blake!" His moms eyes immediately light up as she opens the door and sees his son. 

"Hi mom!" He gives a hug and turns back to me. "Mom, this is Gwen." 

"Hi, it's so nice to meet you. Blake talks about you all the time." She pulls me in for a hug full of love and my nervousness is dwindling by the second. 

"Oh my goodness it's so nice to finally meet you too. You are just gorgeous honey! Blake isn't she just gorgeous? Come in come in you two, I've got dinner cooking." I giggle at her accent just like I do with Blakes sometimes as his mom leads me into the living room where some cheese and crackers are set up. 

"So Gwen tell me about yourself. Blake says you live in Los Angeles?" 

"Yeah, I grew up about an hour south of that but I've lived in that general area my whole life with my family." 

"Oh do you have a big family?"

"I have three siblings, and my parents live near by. We're all very close. Every weekend there's some sort of family brunch or get together with the kids or something."

"That's right you have kids, don't you?" 

I feel Blake tense up next to me as he chimes in a bit. "Mom is this twenty questions or something?" 

"I'm just wondering, I'm sorry am I being too nosey Gwen?" 

"No no it's fine, really." I give Blake a small smile as I squeeze his hand and continue talking with his mom. "I have three boys from my last marriage. 9, 6, and 1 and a half. They're amazing." I pull out my phone to show a picture and her eyes light up as if they were her own grandkids. 

"Oh my goodness they are beautiful." I can almost hear a little hitch in her voice from getting emotional. 

"Yes, I'm very blessed. And they love Blake very much. They're always asking when the next time he's coming over will be. I think they like him more then me." He lets out a big laugh as he blushes.

"Yeah well I miss those three Cowboys too."

"Maybe you could bring them out here someday." The question his mom asked brought worry across Blake's face as he got scared his mom once again crossed the line. I know he doesn't want to rush things with us in fear of me running away and bringing the boys out here would be a very big step but for whatever reason the idea doesn't scare me. So instead of tensing up and getting awkward at the question, I turn to Blake and answer honestly.

"I think they'd really love that. Someday." 

 

The rest of evening went great. His mom is so warm and loving that it was impossible to not feel right at home the whole time. We all laughed as she told stories about Blake as a child and he blushed when she pulled out the photo albums causing me to gush over all of them. When dinner was done, I helped clean the dishes as Blake went and changed a few light bulbs upstairs for her. While in the kitchen alone, his mom surprised me by pulling me in for a long hug. 

"Thank you sweetheart. I admit that I was nervous to hear Blake had gotten into another relationship so quickly but my goodness I've never seen him this happy. Not even with her." She's sniffling a bit holding back her tears and I can't help but get emotional too. 

"Your son has brought me back life, in so many ways. Gosh I can't even explain it. I've never been this happy either. You raised a good one ma'am." Just then we hear Blake walk back into the kitchen to find us both wiping away our tears. 

"Whoa what the hell? I leave for ten minutes and you girls are crying? It's ok I'm back now!" We both laugh as I go into his arms and give him a hug and kiss on the cheek. 

"You found a good one Blake."

"Don't I know it mom. Not sure how I got so lucky." I shake my head at disbelief as I hold onto him tighter and as we start to make our way to the door to say our goodbyes.

"You two take care of each other, ok? Things might get a little crazy down the road when this whole thing gets out so just remember moments like this. I've got a good feeling about you two." 

With that we said our thank you's and good byes and made our way back to Blake's ranch for our last night together before I had to go back to LA. 

*****

Back at his house, it's still too early to go to bed as he makes a fire, puts on some music and we lay cuddling on his huge couch in the living room. This trip was amazing and he made me realize just how important he is in my life and how much of a future we truly have together. I'm resting my head on his chest as his fingers lightly graze up and down my arm as I suddenly get the best sort of deja vu ever causing me to giggle. 

"What's so funny baby girl?"

"I just got this crazy flashback to that first night you spent the night over on my couch months ago. Remember that?" 

"Of course I do. It was one of the best nights of my life honey." 

I'm honestly touched and even surprised that he even knows what I'm talking about. I mean, it was a big night for me because of how I felt but I had no idea it was for him too. "Really?" I lean my head up on his chest to meet his eyes. 

"Oh my god, that night was everything. I'd been starting to have these crazy feelings for you but I was so certain there's no way I could get a girl like you that I tried to ignore them. But then when I was away back here that one weekend, I'd find myself waking up and realizing you're all I care about and I would wonder if you felt the same way. All those feelings weren't going away." I don't want to interrupt him. I love hearing him talk about this stuff. 

"I even came back early from that trip remember? First time I've ever left Tish early to go back to freakin LA. But that's how bad I had it for you. I didn't even know if you were free to hang out but I just wanted to be near you in someway or another."

"And then you came over that night."

"And then I came over that night." 

"I had missed you so much Blake. I was struggling with all those feelings so much cause I was scared but as soon as I opened the door and saw you standing there I just remember everything made sense. For once."

"Yeah, that night was so special honey. Hearing you ask me to stay when it was time to go home was probably the most beautiful thing id ever heard." My eyes begin to water at this point as his confessions are becoming too much. Wiping away a falling tear with his thumb he continues on. "I remember holding you in my arms, just like this, with your head resting on my chest, and your tiny little fist gripping my shirt, with our legs tangled and I knew in that moment that this is exactly where I was meant to be. I tried staying awake long after you had fallen asleep cause I wanted to remember that moment forever. I honestly had no idea how you felt about me, or what our future would be like, but what I did know, what I knew for certain was as I held you in my arms that night, I knew I never wanted to let you go. And everyday since then I've felt that same exact way Gwen."

As soon as he's finished, I crawl on top of him to give him a loving kiss that taste of salty tears. Sniffling back my emotions I whisper into his mouth "You never have to let go Blake. Never." After making out softly for awhile longer, Blake carries me upstairs bridal style where we make love one last time before I leave in the morning. It's gentle, and slow, and passionate. And as I lay in his arms afterwards, out of breathe and slightly sweaty, he looks at me with so much love and tenderness that I almost say those three little words that can never be taken back. My past insecurities prevent me from taking that leap even though I know what I'm feeling is real. Instead, I give him a deep kiss that I'm hoping tells him how much I do love him without any words being spoken. 

****

The next morning was a sad one. There was this tension and melancholy in the air as I packed and left the ranch. I even teared up saying bye to Betty at the front door as he took my suitcase and climbed into his truck. Holding his hand the whole drive to the airport, we hardly spoke a word. Saying goodbye was always hard with Blake even when it was just till the next day. But knowing I wasn't going to see him for another week until the live shows made it even harder to think about. But he's got concerts and meetings in Nashville so I can't really expect him to cut his trip short again. This is just the bad side of our jobs I guess. It was a problem with our other marriages, so I'd be lying if I didn't say it scared me now as well. Pulling up to the private airstrip, he takes me in his arms on the tarmac and I feel myself break. 

"Hey baby, please don't cry. I'll see you real soon ok? I promise." His words aren't rushed or impatient like Gavin's would be when I cried. They're supportive and gentle and comforting. 

"I know I know, I'm sorry, I'm just going to miss you cowboy. Past couple days here have been amazing. And now I wont see you for a week. Won't get to kiss you or lay in your arms. I just hate saying goodbye to someone who makes me the happiest I've ever been." Now it's Blake's turn to get emotional as I see his eyes start to tear up and a smile run across his face. He puts both his hands on my cheeks and pulls me in for a firm kiss. 

"I'll see you in a couple days, ok darlin?" 

Nodding my head I give him one last kiss and make my way up the stairs of the private plane. I take a sit as I watch him as he gets into his truck and start his engine. Unable to watch him drive away, I turn my head the other way as I start quietly crying until I suddenly hear the engine of his truck turn off. Looking back out the window, I see him sit there for a moment before opening the door and getting out of his truck. I quickly get out of my seat and walk back down the stairs to meet him at the bottom where he seems a little frazzled. 

"Blake what's wrong? Did you forget something?" 

"Yeah I did." He takes his hands in mine as I see him try to collect his words nervously in front of me. "Gwen, I was too scared to take that first step and kiss you before I did. I was scared to tell you how I felt cuz I didn't want to lose you forever. And even though I'm still scared of losing you, I know I don't want you to get on that plane without knowing how I feel about you. I can't go another day, another second without letting you know how much I love you Gwen." 

My stomach literally drops as his words come as a complete surprise. 

"Blake..."

"I know this is crazy, I know it seems fast, I know it's probably the worst timing in the history of timing, but I don't care. I don't care how it looks or how insane this is. I only care about you, about the boys, about us. I know it's scary but I promise you honey I will never ever hurt you like he did, I will never lie to you. I promise I'm gonna do you right babe. I love you Gwen. I'm so in love with you. Always will be." 

I'm left speechless as we stand in silence at the bottom of the stairs of this plane. His eyes are like that of a little boy who just offered everything he has in the world hoping it'll be enough. Of course I'm scared to say the words back, scared of being hurt, scared of hurting him. I'm scared of it all thanks to my past history of failed love. But I do love him. I think I've known for awhile now but have been too insecure to say it back to him. Just when I start to collect my words, I feel his shoulders slouch as he turns to walk back to his car probably thinking I rejected him. Running after him I grab his wrist firmly. 

"Hey! Wait a second!" I whip him around so he's facing me as I put my hands on his cheek. "You can't just say I love you to someone and then walk away without giving them a chance to say it back." His eyes find mine and light up. 

"Gwen, are you saying-" 

"God cowboy. How could you not know already how unbelievably in love with you I am?" He quickly kisses and picks me up as goosebumps run up and down my body.

"I love you Blake. I think I have for awhile but I was just nervous to say it out loud. But now, with you, I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of holding back. You make me feel like it's ok to be myself, and I love that feeling. And I love you too." 

"I love you too baby. God now I really don't want to say bye to you." We both laugh and kiss like giddy teenagers but our moment is cut a little short when the pilot comes out and says we really need to take off now. Sharing one last kiss, we say our second good bye of the morning as I make my way back onto the plane. Staring out at him again, I wave from the window and blow him a kiss as I watch him blush and reluctantly get into his truck to clear the runway. Even though it's sad to watch him drive away, my heart is exploding from his declaration of love for me. Who knows what the future will bring for us but leaning my head against my seat, I can't help but smile as I speak his words to me out loud. 

"He loves me."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter I wrote this afternoon. Hope you enjoy, thank you for the comments.

The week apart from Blake after spending time at his ranch went relatively smoothly. I had the boys so luckily I wasn't too lonely or bored with all the running around that comes with being a mom. But what surprised me during this time apart was that I wasn't miserable like I have been in the past. Don't get me wrong, I missed him like I would a limb. But just a couple weeks ago, I was so broken, so run down, so defeated, that whenever I was left alone with just me and my thoughts I was an absolute mess. I was scared for awhile that perhaps my relationship with Blake was unhealthy in how much I depended on him but it didn't take long for me to see that it wasn't that I depended on him for happiness, but that my happiness was simply because of how he makes me feel about myself. I honestly believe that even if we were just friends I would still feel the same way. He literally brought me back from the dead and I can't believe the position I am in right now, feeling more and more like myself every single day. 

It also doesn't hurt that he loves me. That's right. Blake freakin Shelton loves me. I still can't believe it. That plane ride back to Los Angeles felt like five minutes as I was in some sort of daydream the entire time. I wasn't planning on saying those words to him and to be honest, I don't think he was either, and yet there we were. Id never heard more sincere words in my entire life as I looked into his eyes after he declared his love. God I'm lucky. 

He'd been gone a couple of days now, and even though we're in constant contact throughout the day in text, we always call each other once I get the kids down for bed and it's just us. Missing his blue eyes I decide to FaceTime him hoping he's already back from his business dinner meeting with manager. I'm snuggled into my bed under my white comforter with hardly any makeup. As I wait for him to pick up, I stare at my reflection shocked at how far I've come. I would barely let my husband of twenty years see me this barefaced let alone my new boyfriend. I'm still not completely cured of my insecurities or vanity, I don't know if I ever will be. My hair is down, drying a little wavey from my bath, and other then some false lashes left over from a photo shoot and some Chapstick, my face is naked. Just as I get nervous and think I should go put some lipstick on, I see him connecting to our video call on the other end. 

"Hey beautiful!" Although excited, His voice is gentle and calm at the same time. Almost tired. He's sitting in what looks like his living room. I can tell from the fire place in the background and I suddenly miss being next to him.

"Hey cowboy, how'd your dinner go?" 

"Fine, fine. Trying to put together my next album. Suddenly got a lot of material ya know?" We both raise our eyebrows and laugh as we swap stories from the day. It's nothing very exciting but I wouldn't give it up or the world. His voice does seem tired though, and his eyes have lost a little of that sparkle I love so much. I wonder if everything's alright. 

"Hey baby, you ok? You look a little sad or something?" 

"Yeah I'm ok, I'm sorry hun, Im just tired. I haven't been sleeping very well the past couple days... I don't sleep well without you." 

My heart melts at his sweet words so much that I literally touch where his hair is on the screen wanting to rub my fingers through it. 

"Aw Blake. Gosh, I don't sleep well either baby. I'm so restless, I just need your arms to hold me tight." He smiles up at me and I start to see the sparkle return to his eyes. I can tell he's in one of those lonely moods where he needs to hear my sweet words just as much as I need to hear his. "Seriously though babe, I literally wake up every morning hugging my pillow as if it were you. Gosh it's crazy but I even miss your little snores." I giggle while looking away a little embarrassed as he interjects. 

"What? I don't snore. Do I?" 

"Yeah, just little ones. When you're in a deep sleep. It's cute though." 

"Well, as long as you think they're cute babe, that's all that matters I guess." There's a long pause as we smile at each other and I feel more at peace then I have in years. "I love you Gwen." 

"I love you too cowboy. So much. When are you coming back to me? Soon I hope. Please just put me out of my misery!" 

"Ha! Guess I've got you whipped darlin. I'll be back Thursday. Are you free?" 

"I've got the boys so if you don't mind hanging out around here with us then come on over! They've been asking about you. Guess they got used to you being around just like their mom."

"Of course I want to come see them. And have they really been asking about me? Wow, I didn't really think they noticed to be honest." There's some insecurity in his voice. I guess this is the first time I've seen the fear in his eyes of him being scared the boys wouldn't like him or something. 

"Oh my gosh Cowboy, they adore you! They're always like 'when's Blakes coming over' 'what's his ranch like' 'how many animals does he have' it's crazy honey. Sometimes I'm a little jealous to be honest!" 

"Man, I'm honestly speechless. Wow. I had no idea." He rubs his eyes and looks away for second and I can tell they had gotten a little watery. Watching him get emotional over my kids is making me emotional as I try to hold back my own tears. 

"I wish so badly I was holding you right now Gwen. So badly it hurts." 

"Same cowboy. Rain check till Thursday?" 

"Deal. I love you sweetheart. Good night."

"Sweet dreams cowboy. Love you too." I blow him a kiss and take in his dimples and baby blues one last time before hitting end and turning off the light, hoping I wake up and it's already Thursday. 

*****  
Driving to the airstrip with my boys we were all beyond excited to see Blake. He offered to just get a ride to my house but I honestly couldn't wait that long. Besides, since we can't exactly hang out in public yet I figured this would be our only chance for an outing today. I can see his plane has already landed so I pull up and I quietly get out of the car and wait right outside till he gets off since Apollo is asleep in his car seat. I get butterflies in my stomach the second I see his long Jean clad legs come down the steps. As soon as his eyes find me leaning against my car, a huge smile appears on his face as he starts jogging towards me. Not really able to leave my car since the kids are in the back, I wait patiently in my spot and hold out my arms waiting for him to reach me. 

Finally, in his arms again, I feel like I'm home. 

And from the way he gives a huge sigh of relief, I can tell he feels the same way. We hold each other for what feels like an hour but neither of us mind. That's one of the millions of things I love about Blake, he's so patient with me that I can literally hold onto him for hours without him moving away. He knows when I'm ready, better then I do sometimes.Since the kids are in the car, we can't exactly make out like I want to, so I settle for a small peck, knowing full well there will be plenty of heat later on. We move into the car where Zuma shouts out his name (waking Apollo in the process) and Blake leans back to give him a high five. 

"Hey, call me crazy, but didn't you have three kids? Where's Kingston?" 

"He's at a friends house and is spending the night. So you got off easy today with just dealing with the three of us."

"That's too bad, but hey, at least I get to see these two rascals right guys?" 

"Yeah!" Zuma shouts out, once again startling Apollo as he gets a little grumpy from his nap being interrupted. 

The drive home was fun as we catch up and he jokes with Zuma, telling funny stories about his trip. At home, I take Apollo into his room to try and get him to sleep again while the other two hang outside playing catch. Zuma can be kind of shy, especially compared to his popular older brother, so to see Blake give him a lot of attention is very sweet. I know being the middle child myself, and a passive one at that, it's hard to have a voice sometimes and not be overshadowed. So to see almost all of Blakes attention spent with my middle baby is literally heartwarming. After getting Apollo asleep, I stand in the doorway to the backyard just watching them bond and goof around and I suddenly wonder the life we might have had if Blake had found me first. 

After about an hour, they walk into the house and Zuma and Blake plop down on the couch wanting to watch his favorite cartoon. I go to check in on the baby whose still fast asleep and then make my way up to my bedroom. Unable to contain myself, I shoot Blake a quick text. 

"Hey handsome. Meet me upstairs. Gx." 

Without a reply back, I can hear his boots practically skipping up to me. I know Zuma will be occupied for awhile downstairs without any supervision needed, so I decide to take full advantage of the moment while we still can. Coming into my room, I practically jump on him as I stick my tongue down his throat, kissing him breathlessly. 

"God cowboy, I've missed your lips. Kiss me." 

Walking me back to the bed, he lowers me down, never once letting our lips part. It's a fun make out with a bit of edge when he moves to my ear causing me to hold onto his hair as he lightly nibbles my neck. 

"Ya know what I've missed the most Gwen?" 

"What's that baby?" My words are breathy as my eyes are still closed while he devours my lips and neck. 

"I've missed the way you taste... And I don't just mean your mouth." Before the words are even registering in my mind, I feel him start to move down my body as he settles on his knees on the carpet between my legs dangling off the end of the bed. Bringing my shirt up slightly to kiss my stomach, he stops at my jeans before looking up at me for permission. 

"Can I take these off?" 

Feeling my body overheat, I nod my head before joining his hands in helping him unbutton my jeans. We've never done anything sexual in the house when the boys have been here so this is a big step. Maybe it's slightly irresponsible, but at the same time, we both need each other. Just when I start to feel guilty over my decision, I feel his warm tongue on my center and all those feelings disappear. He's starting out slow and sensual as his tongue massages into me, causing me to grip onto his curls as I look for some sort of way to touch him. He groans into me as his mouth surrounds my clit and the vibrations cause me to release a sound that's a little too loud considering we're not alone. 

I feel Blake smile and back away, slightly proud of his action but also slightly worried. "Shh baby, you've got to be quiet this time. Even though I fucking love your moans." 

"I know I know, I'm sorry, please don't stop." He goes back to feasting on my pussy and I can tell he's enjoying himself too as he spends his time eating me out instead of going in for the kill right away. The feeling is so amazing that I have to blindly grab one of my pillows and hold it over my face to muffle the sounds coming out of my mouth. Pretty soon, unable to hold back any longer, my legs start to tremble as I feel my orgasm approaching. 

"You're so close to coming babe, I can tell, I can taste it."

"Uh huh... So close baby! So fucking close! Right there! Yes!" I'm not making a lot of sense, but luckily he knows exactly what I need as he pushes my knees back, opening me up wider and firmly starts playing with my clit until I self destruct under his mouth. Arching my back completely off the bed while holding the pillow against my face, I moan out his name as I come all over his face. He holds onto my thighs until my trembling slows down before moving back up my body as he beams with pride. I'm literally exhausted from that orgasm and even though I know he doesn't mind, I feel bad there isn't enough time for me to return the favor. 

"Shit Shelton... I think I blacked out there for a second." 

"That's what I was going for. I told ya I missed tasting you. I literally crave you." 

Unfortunately before we could get too comfortable snuggling on my bed, Apollos baby monitor lit up signaling that he was awake and ready for attention from his nap. I reluctantly move out of his arms to pull my thong and jeans back on before making my way to the door. I can feel him walking right behind so before I open the door, I turn around right in front him, stand on my tip toes, hook my arm around his neck, and pull him down for a deep passionate kiss to say thank you. 

"I crave you too cowboy." 

*****  
After dinner, the four of us settled onto the couch for a movie like usual. Apollo was a little fussier then usual so he clung to me pretty tightly as Blake sat by Zuma. 

"Mom can we have pancakes for breakfast? With chocolate chips?" 

"I'll have to see if we have everything but sure sweetheart. Just a couple chocolate chips though." 

"Sweet! Blake do you like chocolate chip pancakes? Mom makes the best ones!" I blush a little considering I never thought I was a very good cook. 

"Of course I like them, I've never had your moms recipe though. But I bet they are the best." He winks over at me as I roll my eyes from the other side of the couch. 

"Mom you'll have to make enough for Blake too then... You'll be here in the morning right Blake?" There's this slightly awkward silence in the room as both he and I lock eyes, but I see the panic on his face as he tries to look to me to answer the question. 

"Umm, I-"

"Yes honey, Blake will be here when you wake up. He'll be on dish duty afterwards." I smile his way as he literally beams back in gratitude while mouthing the words "thank you" back to me. Sure Blake has spent the night with the kids here, but it's been without them knowing it as he sneaks out before they wake up. This was a huge step as I try not to overthink that not only is he staying, but Zuma literally asked him to stay. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around it. Things might have gone differently if King were here, he's a little more serious and obviously closer to his father so we probably wouldn't have made this step but I'm glad we are. We love each other and it's time for us to move forward and stop hiding from our families and friends. The biggest hurdle is going to be my boys and then eventually the public. Luckily, so far, the boys seem to be handling it alright. I can only pray when the time comes to become public, it goes just as smoothly. 

A couple hours later, Blake helps me get Apollo ready for bed as Zuma says good night and closes his door. The baby is usually happy and giggly around Blake but he's been a little cranky all day. I'm not sure if it's because Blakes been gone for so long or what but he's been extra clingy to me from the moment he woke up. But with a couple songs and bedtime stories we finally get him to sleep and settled in before retreating to my room for bed as well. We both change and brush our teeth and the fact that we don't have to be super quiet or tip toe as we walk outside the kids room warms my heart. Under the covers both of us are beyond tired as we snuggle up to each other closing our eyes. I love how he automatically lifts his arm as I crawl up onto him and nuzzle my nose into his neck. It's quite literally my favorite spot in the whole world. Already half asleep, I vaguely feel him kiss my forehead before saying good night. 

Unfortunately within a few hours of a very sound sleep, apollos baby monitor once again lights up and I can hear him crying. It wakes Blake up too as he lifts his arm allowing me to get up as I walk to his nursery with my eyes still half closed. He's been sleeping through the night for awhile so I'm surprised that he's up right now and crying so hard. Opening the door, he's sitting up reaching out for me with huge tears in his eyes. I pick him up immediately and start swaying him as I walk around his room. 

"Shh it's ok angel. Momma's here. I got you. No more tears. Shhh. Shhh." His sobs start to calm but he's still crying slightly as I hold his body close to mine. Kissing his forehead I notice he feels warm and I wonder if he's been fussy all day because he's sick. 

"Hey Gwen is everything ok?" I'm startled a little to hear another voice behind me as I turn around to see Blake in the doorway with my robe in his hand thinking I must be cold. 

"Yeah, it's ok. Sorry we woke you. Go back to sleep babe I'll be back in a little bit." He must have heard the strain and tiredness in my voice cause instead of turning around to go back to bed he moved forward offering to take Apollo from me to give me a break. 

"Here... Let me try." He gently takes the baby as he starts bouncing up and down softly while whispering to him. "Hey buddy what's with the tears? It's ok, it's ok." As precious as it was to see him try to sooth Apollo, nothing was working as he continued to cry. 

"He felt a little warm earlier, i wonder if he has a fever or is sick. Let's go into the kitchen, I've got some baby medicine down there." 

Three hours hours, two sleepy adults, and one cranky baby later, I reluctantly decide that I might have to take him to urgent care. I had given him medicine hoping his fever would go down but if anything it feels like it's rising. I know it's probably nothing but as a parent, you're built to overreact when it comes to your children's health. It's close to 3am when I decide to take him and start sliding on my shoes. 

"What can I do hun? Go with you? Stay here?" I can hear the worry in his voice. This whole sick kid thing is new to him, and even though I'm sure it's nothing serious, I can tell Blake is scared. 

"Can you stay here with Zuma? I don't want to wake him up and drag him to the urgent care too. It'll probably be easier if it's just me ya know?" I see a little bit of disappointment in Blakes eyes as I'm sure he'd rather be there with me and Apollo, but I can tell he's also touched that I trust him enough to look after my other baby. 

"Yeah sure thing. I'll stay up though so text me and let me know what's going on ok?" He leans in and gives me a short kiss before kissing the top of apollos curly head and walking us to the door. My heart breaks a little driving away leaving the other two behind but I know it's easier this way. Besides, it wouldn't have taken long for some other patient or nurse to write about how Gwen Stefani came in the middle of the night with her kids and Blake Shelton. All in pajamas. I guess that's one way to break the news to the public. I still feel bad though. I feel bad that this is his experience of spending his first night with us. I wish it would have been easier, but at the same time, this is what comes along with dating someone with kids. It's not always weekend getaways or studio life or even pool parties and movie nights. Sure we've gotten a lot of that lately but that's not real life. Real life is school drop offs, and tantrums, and midnight Doctor runs, and many sleepless nights. Being a mom is hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's the most rewarding. All I can do is pray that it's rewarding for Blake as well. As amazing and patient as he was tonight helping me, part of me is scared that this was too much for him and maybe he's deciding he's not ready. Before I can go down that hole, I pull up to the urgent care and I go into mom mode as I take care of my baby boy. 

About an hour later, I pull back up to my Hollywood mansion and quietly put my finally sleeping boy into his bed. The doctor explained he did have a fever from a bad ear infection and would need to come in in a couple days for a check up but he gave him so medicine that seemed to do the trick as he drifted to sleep on the ride home. Although relieved it's not more serious, I'm beyond exhausted as I close the door to his nursery and go into my room hoping I don't wake Blake up. To my surprise, not only do I find him already awake awaiting my return, but Zuma is asleep next to him in bed. Climbing under the covers, I give a slightly puzzled look as I look at my son in between us and then back at my boyfriend.

"He woke up a little after you left wondering where you were. I think the front door closing woke him up. But he seemed a little worried about his brother so I said he could stay in here with me till you got back. He drifted off to sleep about thirty minutes ago. How's Apollo?"

"Just an ear infection. He's asleep now." I lay down on my side facing my two boys as I gently take Zumas glasses off his face and put them on my nightstand. "Thanks for everything baby. Tonight was a little crazy." I feel my eyes getting heavier by the second as his arm reaches above Zumas head and strokes my hair. 

"No thanks needed darlin. Now go to sleep. You must be exhausted." 

****  
The next morning I wake up in a completely empty bed and my heart drops. Suddenly that fear I had last night of this being too much to handle and him leaving becomes a reality as I feel how cold his side of the bed is. But luckily the sound of laughter brings me out of it as I quickly throw on my rob and make my way into the kitchen to find Blake and Zuma making breakfast. Well, trying to make breakfast. 

"Hey sweetheart. Sorry, were we being too loud? We were trying not to wake you." 

"That's ok, this is quite a surprise. Are you two making breakfast?" My voice is still a little groggy, and lord knows I probably need a couple more hours of sleep, but this view I have right now is too good to pass up. 

"Well, Zuma got me in the mood for pancakes last night. And since we figured you'd be tired this morning, we decided to take over cooking. Right buddy?" 

"Right cowboy!" Zuma responds while nibbling on the extra chocolate chips. 

"And I checked on Apollo when we got up. He's not as warm as last night so I think the medicine is working. But he was still asleep so I didn't want to wake him up since you both had long nights." 

I know I'm being extra emotionally because I'm tired but for whatever reason I start crying at this amazing man in front of me as I walk into his arms whispering thank you over and over again to him. It feels amazing to know that he has my back, to know he's there to pick up the slack when I need help. That's a feeling I haven't had in a very long time. I finally feel like I have a partner in more ways then one. And I never want to let go. He can tell I'm Feeling a little embarrassed for breaking down like that in front of my son over breakfast, so while he securely keeps one arm wrapped around me as I smile into his tshirt, he starts pouring the batter into the pan with his free hand to get on with breakfast and ease the tension. 

"Whose ready for pancakes?" 

*****

As amazing as my time with Blake has been, the next week was unfortunately the beginning of my divorce proceedings. I envy Blake and how quick and easy his divorce had gone with their finances and property. I know it's a little less complicated but still, I'm not looking forward to any of this. I thought we could have been mature about this and Gavin would do the right thing for once and step aside while I take what's mine and he takes what's his but I have a horrible feeling in my stomach that that won't be the case. 

Waiting in my lawyers offices for him to show up, I suddenly feel sick. This was a room I never saw myself in, having a conversation I never envisioned myself having. And yet, looking at my songs, my lyrics, I guess I did know on some level this is where we'd end up. Still heartbreaking though. At one time I honestly thought gavin and I had made it. That we made it through the bad years. Little did I know that I'd be longing for those bad years compared to the hell Im in right now.  
Coming in wearing a tshirt and jeans with slicked back hair in a bun and sunglasses on, I suddenly wonder to myself how I was ever attracted to him. Sitting across from him though is torture as our lawyers start going over every item of property between us. Numerous times I have to look away as each house or each item brings up a memory of a life that turned out to be a sham. I suddenly miss it, even if I was naive, even if it was all a lie, deep down I do miss my family. 

"My client Mr Rossdale has agreed to a 50/50 split of all property, businesses, musical rights, bank accounts and assets the couple has come by in their thirteen year marriage."

"What?!?!" My blood is boiling. Never mind. I don't miss him. 

"Gwen, please, let me handle this."

"You cheated on me with anything that moves for twenty years while I work my ass off, make the money, pay the bills, buy the houses, build three companies, and raise our children and you want HALF?!? You've got to be fucking kidding me." Gavin does nothing but look at me with his empty, cold eyes and gives a little smirk. 

"Also, Mr. Rossdale will be seeking child and spousal support from Ms. Stefani."

Unable to listen to my lawyers advice, I breakdown once again in the conference room. "Why are you doing this Gavin? You've literally destroyed me. You know what you've done to me, to our family. Was that not enough? Was it not enough to practically kill me and leave me in hell? Now you want to leave me with nothing too?" My lawyer tries to get me to take a break and wait in his office but I'm so furious that I decide to leave instead. I'm scared of what else I'll say if I decide to stay. 

I drive home sobbing and screaming as I replay our sham of a marriage through my head. I can't believe what he's doing, I can't believe what he did. It's almost impossible to miss him since he's not the man I thought he was. How could someone I was so in love with, the father of my children, do this to me. How? How? I'm literally screaming 'what the fuck' as I drive up the Hollywood hills unable to hold back as the past year of emotions coming flooding out. Walking into my house doesn't exactly help the situation as it feels like a tomb of memories overwhelming me as I immediately get the desire to move. 

I hate this feeling. I hate what he has reduced me to. I hate that he's broken me. I hate the fact that he's made it to where I literally don't trust anyone. How could I? After what he's put me through. And to make matters worse, I've rushed into a potentially huge mistake with Blake. I mean what was I thinking? I literally handed my heart over to the first person I met while I was still putting the pieces back together. I love him, but this has to be a mistake, no way this could ever work out. Everyone always leaves me. In between my sobs, I hear the front door bell ring and I remember That this morning I had invited Blake over for dinner once my meeting was done. Opening the door in sobs, his initial smile drops as he rushes in taking me in his arms as I break all over him. 

"Hey hey there, it's ok. I'm guessing today with the lawyers didn't go so well." I let go of him avoiding his eyes as I walk into the kitchen and living room. "Gwen? Talk to me Hun." 

"It went as bad as you could imagine. God I hate him, I can't believe what he's doing to me. How could someone treat the mother of their children that way. I don't understand it! After what he did! After how he lied! All the fucking lies!" 

"I know I know, it'll be ok Gwen. We'll be ok." He starts to walk towards me to take me in his arms but I retreat into the kitchen suddenly taking my anger out on him. 

"No you don't know Blake! And it's not going to be ok! How can it? My family is broken up! And here I am rushing into a new relationship with someone I hardly know! I mean what are we even doing Blake?"

"Gwen... Don't do this. You're upset at him and scaring yourself back into your insecurities and fears. It's me baby. And I'm not going anywhere. I love you." His voice is firm yet gentle as he keeps a relatively healthy distance from me. 

"You love me now. What about tomorrow or next year? Tony loved me, Gavin loved me, it didn't stop any of them from leaving me. From lying to me. How is this any different? How are you any different Blake?" 

"How can you even ask something like that Gwen? You know me, you know the man I am, how I feel. I'm not them. Not even a little bit." 

"I thought I knew them too. But it was all the same. All the pain, all the loneliness, it's all the same. And I can't go through that again. I can't do this again. I'm so broken Blake. So fucking broken and I don't trust anyone right now. I need to look out for myself, for my boys. I can't put them through another heartbreak. This was a bad idea. We were a bad idea. I can't." 

"Gwen-" Blakes eyes are watering along with mine as he starts walking towards me causing me to instinctively take one step back. That small action stops him in his tracks as his heart literally starts breaking in front of me. 

"Gwen... I love you." His voice is soft. Like a whisper. And as much as I want to say the words back, because I do, I do love him. I can't. I can't do it. I can do nothing but look down at the ground and cry, avoiding his eyes. 

"Please Blake... Please just go." Unable to watch him leave, I turn my back until I hear the front door open and then finally close. I collapse to the ground and cry like I've never cried before. 

*****  
I somehow managed to cry myself to sleep but not for long as I remained restless throughout the night. Finally unable to take the constant waking up and crying I get out of bed around 4am and walk downstairs to try and get my mind off of Blake and what I did. It broke my heart to send him away but I'm beyond scared of getting hurt again and running away is the only way I know that me and the boys will be safe. My plan of getting out of bed to get my mind off of Blake was turning out to be not such a great idea considering Every room had some sort of memory of him and me together. Of us. 

The living room where we started our friendship having long talks on my couch, letting each other cry on the others shoulder, where we spent the first night together in each other's arms, where we made new memories watching movies and playing games with the boys. 

The kitchen where we laughed and talked over cooking endless dinners and making coffee and breakfasts after sleepovers or mornings with the boys. The kitchen where we had our first kiss. A kiss that literally hit me like lightening. A kiss that was so pure, so tender, so passionate, so true.

Walking outside I pause on the patio. The patio where we sat and watched the sunrise in each other's arms after making love all night long. The patio where we sit watching the boys run around outside as they called for Blake to come play with them. 

Suddenly tired again, I want to go back to my bedroom but can't. I can't go back to My bedroom where he slept on the floor next to me when I got nervous about sharing a bed with him for the first time. My bedroom where he first confessed that he had feelings for me. My bedroom where we make love, where he holds me all night, where he makes me feel safe, makes me feel loved. I can't go back there. 

Don't ask me why, but I somehow end up in my office. It seems to be the only space that doesn't remind me of Blake. Not that any of that really matters since my mind won't stop thinking of him. Unable to turn my brain off as I sit at my desk I decide to make myself useful by taking out my journal and writing my thoughts down. As I pull out a drawer looking for a pen, I notice a note folded in half with a doodle of a sunflower on it and my stomach drops. It was a note from Blake. 

"Thank you for making me feel lovable" 

Thank god the kids were away because everyone in the house would hear my sobs as I broke down on the carpet of my office. I just turned away the most lovable man I've ever met because I'm scared of not being loved back and it makes me want to throw up. Before I can actually process what's happening, I'm pulling myself up off the floor as I make my way to my room to pull on my sweatshirt (well, Blake's sweatshirt) and walk to the front door. As I take two steps outside my home I freeze at what I find. Blake's car is still in my driveway. For a second I'm somewhat nervous that something happened to him until I walk closer and find him asleep in the front seat. He never left. He never left me. 

It's nearly dawn at this point as the sun is barely rising, making his face more visible to me. The window is down as I contain myself from running my fingers through his hair. Just seeing him, just being near him is making me feel more calm by the second. I don't wake him as I take in his face. His face is so full of sadness and heartbreak. All because of me. His brows are slightly furrowed and even though his eyes are shut, I can tell they are puffy from crying. A realization I want to punch myself for causing. Unable to handle the distance, I reach my hand through the window and stroke his cheek as he starts to stir under my touch. The way he moves his face more towards my hand make me think that maybe he was having a good dream. Most likely Something much better then what was happening in our reality. 

"What time is it?" His voice is groggy and low as he avoids my eyes and rubs his own trying to wake up. 

"Early. Five I think. Were you out here all night?" My voice cracks as I ask the question. 

"Didn't really know where else to go Gwen. You told me to leave so I left, but I couldn't bring myself to get too far from you when you're this upset. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Just wanted to be close in case you needed something." 

"God Blake..." I turn away not wanting him to see me cry for the millionth time. I hear his car door open and close and suddenly feel his hands on my shoulders as he presses my back against his chest. 

"Gwen I know you're scared. So am I. I mean we've had this conversation a dozen times before. Both of us are broken, both of us have trust issues, both of us are scared. But we always talk our way through it together. So I don't know why this time you're running for the hills. I don't know what happened or how many more times I can convince you or show you that I'm not like your ex husband. To be honest Gwen, I don't know how many times I can keep doing it." I turn to face him, as I feel him back away slightly, immediately missing his warmth.

"I love you Gwen. I always will. Not a doubt in my mind. And I'll wait forever for you baby. You know that. I told you that one of the first times I spent the night, the first time we made love. I'll wait for you. So if this is too fast, if you're not ready, then as much as it pains me to do this, I'll leave you alone. It breaks my heart to walk away Gwen, but if it's what you want, if it's what you need right now then I'll go. I'll let you be. Maybe it was selfish of me to put all of this on you, so I'm sorry. But I want you to be sure, I want you to ready. And I'll be waiting. For whenever you are ready. I don't care if it takes months or years. I know we'll find our way back to each other Gwen. Someday." 

"Blake..."

"I love you Gwen. Always will." Kissing me on the forehead, he gets into his car and drives away and I suddenly feel an emptiness I never have before in my entire life. 

****

It's been three days since Blake left that morning and we haven't spoken a word to each other. The amount of times I've picked up my phone to call or text him to say I'm sorry is in the hundreds. As much as this distance pains me, he's right. Maybe I wasn't ready, and it's unfair to both of us to rush it. I want to be sure about how I feel before rushing anything. I know I should be more concerned about my own well being but to be honest, I want to be sure because I can't bare hurting him again. The look in his eyes, the heartbreak on his face. I'd seen it written all over him during the dark days of Miranda and here I was doing the same thing when I swore I wouldn't. And I hate myself for it. 

With the kids with there father this week, I've been mostly alone. I wanted to call Sophie or my family over but I thought it best if I stayed put. I needed to figure out what's best for me and not hear others voices in my head. No one knows what's really going on besides me and Blake so there's no point in asking for advice. Besides, all this alone time has given me a chance to write. I haven't in years and yet here I am with almost an entire notebook filled. Flipping through the pages as I sit on my couch I start at the beginning as we go from angry, sad songs about Gavin to happy, hopeful songs about Blake. I never thought about it before but these songs about Blake are literally the first ones I'd written about happiness and love. Literally twenty five years of songwriting and not one love song. There's been heartbreak, jealousy, unfaithfulness, anger, but never love. Never respect. Never security. Even in the "happy" years of our marriage. Never. It's like a lightbulb goes off over my head as I start reading my lyrics about Blake out loud to myself. I'd been writing off and on over the past couple months, thinking no one would ever read them or listen to them, not even myself. But it all becomes clear. Everything. Gavin. My marriage. My songs. Blake. My old life. My new life. It's all clear and I know what I want. I know who I want. 

Driving over to Blake's house, it's close to midnight. I didn't text. I didn't call. I didn't even really think as I grab my keys and got in my car needing to see him that second. I pull up and use the spare key he had given me to let myself in. I see his car out front so I know he's home. All I can do now is pray I'm not too late and meant what he said about waiting for me. The lights are off downstairs but I can't help but pause to take in the smell of him and his home. Something I've missed immensely. Walking upstairs, I see the light in his bedroom still on at the end of the hall as I make my way towards him. Taking a deep breath, I slowly push the door open as it makes a creek and I start to walk in. 

Laying in bed under the covers still awake, Blake looks up at me, not remotely startled or surprised to see me. Relieved maybe. But not surprised. Standing in his doorway, he gives a tiny smile from his bed as I start walking towards him timidly. I pause once I get to the bed as he lays there leaning against the headboard, never once looking away. I open my mouth to speak, thinking i have some amazing speech or explanation to give to him. To tell him that I love him, that I'm sorry, that I'm ready, that I choose him. I want to say all of that. But it's as if I don't need to at all. That me being here, standing in front of him says it all. Because as soon as I try to speak, he pulls the covers back on the empty side of the bed and lifts him arm up inviting me in with his dimpled smile. I smile back at him and immediately slide in under the covers as I crawl on to his side and nuzzle my nose into my favorite spot. With his free hand not wrapped around me, he reaches on his bedside table to turn off the light before sliding down further onto his bed. Being back in his arms I release a huge sigh as I finally start feeling like myself again. I finally feel like I'm home. I can feel him thinking though as I hold onto him tighter to try and sooth whatever worries he may or may not be having in this moment. I don't want home scared, I don't want worried I'll leave again. This is what I want. So With my head on his chest, I bring my hand up to his cheek and rub my nails over his scruff indicating it's going to be ok. 

"What do you want to ask me Blake?" 

"No... No more running?" 

"No more running. This is where I belong."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I've had major, major, major writers block. Sorry if this chapter is a little unfulfilling, I haven't had many ideas lately so it's sort of a filler to hopefully hold readers over till I get some inspiration. Anyway, hope you enjoy.

That next morning waking up in Blake's bed next to him was both equally perfect and equally heartbreaking. It was early when I woke up and as I laid there next to him watching him sleep I couldn't help but hate myself just a little for hurting this man. For running. For turning him away when he's done nothing but prove to me over and over how committed he is to me and my boys. I know now that it wasn't anything he did, that it was my old insecurities from Gavin and even Tony that led me to not trust him. All I can do now is pray that I haven't damaged or tainted our love too much with my issues and that he can learn to trust me again. Laying with my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat soundly, I soon become overwhelmed with the thought of how much I must have hurt him the past few days. Trying not to make a sound, I silently start to cry. Unfortunately, regardless of my quiet weeping, Blake must have felt my body shaking while laying on top of him because suddenly I can feel his arms around me tighten. 

"Gwen, honey, what's wrong?" I don't know how long he's been awake, but from the thickness of his drawl it couldn't have been long. But just the sound of his kind whisper is already calming me slightly. 

"I'm sorry Blake. God I'm so sorry. For everything. For getting scared. For running. But I'm so so sorry for hurting you. God I hate myself for that baby." My words are whispers as well as I try to get my apology out in between sniffles while burying my face into his tshirt. "I understand if you don't trust me anymore after how I've behaved, but I promise to never hurt you like that again. I love you so much, and I'm sorry if I messed us up. I just don't want to lose you."

Placing a long kiss on the top of my head, he lays his hand on my cheek and under my chin indicating he wants me to look up and meet his eyes. I'm a little embarrassed too considering mine are still filled with tears, but I'm beyond surprised to see that his are as well. 

"Do you really think I scare away that easy darlin?" He gives a beautifully tiny dimpled smirk that makes my heart tingle, and suddenly I know everything will be ok. "You didn't mess anything up Gwen. It's ok. I know we didn't talk much when you came here last night but I'm still just as committed as I was before this happened. If anything, it gave me the realization of just how in love with you I am. That I was able to step aside and put your happiness or the boys happiness first is somewhat new to me. And yeah I'm scared of losing you too. Scared that I'm not enough for you or that I'll mess something up. But I'm here Gwen, forever. So it's ok to freak out and get scared every now and then, I'm strong enough to take it sweetheart. I'll just pray to God that you always come back to me baby. Cuz I'm not going anywhere. I'm yours."

"I'm not going anywhere either Blake. I promise. I'm done running. I don't want you to be scared of losing me or that you're not enough. Please don't think that way baby. You're everything I've ever dreamed of in a man, in a partner, in a love. God I can't even explain how in awe of you I am." I start losing my train of thought as I begin to get emotional again. Rubbing my cheek gently with his thumb, I pull myself up and meet his lips for the first time in five days. It was so pure, so innocent, so loving that it almost felt like our very first time. I could feel his heart racing beneath me at the same time his lip slightly quivered. I backed my head away slightly, leaning my forehead against his with our eyes still closed. "Thank you for being strong enough for both of us. I can't promise that my insecurities won't creep up every now and then, but I'm so thankful that I have you to help me through them." 

"I love you Gwen. Always."

"I love you too Blake." 

*******  
It's been about a week since Blake and I made up after my little freak out. Everything has seemed to gone back to normal for the most part, but to be honest, it feels as if we've taken a small step backwards in the physical department. We haven't been intimate with each other since before that happened, and even though I know a big part of it is because the boys have been here all week, and we've both been busy and tired with Voice rehearsals, a tiny part of me is scared that he thinks I wanted to take things slow again. I mean, yes, I was nervous with how fast things progressed with us but my god, I'm still a woman in love with a big strong country gentleman and I can't resist myself. 

On my way home from dropping the kids off with Gavin's nanny, I decide to give Blake a little surprise when he gets home. I know he'll be late because he's having dinner with a friend of his in town, but I have an idea of how to greet him when he gets home. Taking a long bubble bath that night, I make my skin ultra smooth as I rub lotion all over my body. Still having my extensions in from the Voice earlier, I make the locks long and straight with a little curl at the end. Next I do my make up with a smokey eye, heavy lashes, and nude lip. It's a pretty heavy makeup look for just being at home, and I know Blake wouldn't care if I had any on at all, but I've got a look going on. Besides, I've been really into this sixties vibe lately and I know it turns Blake on to the max. There have been more then a few times on The Voice lot when I've been all done up and his mouth has literally dropped. I admit that it's exactly what I was going for. 

Finally with hair and make up done, I reach into the lingerie bag where I purchased a brand new little something with a certain hot cowboy in mind. I slide into the black lace corset, tightening it, making my boobs pop up and even I admit I look good. I then slide on the lace matching thong along with thigh high fishnets that connect to a garter. Finally stepping into my black stilettos, I look in the mirror at my complete look and can't help but blush and giggle a little. It's the perfect combination of sexy and hot and yes, even a little bit slutty. I just hope Blake likes it. Speaking of which, just as I finish touching up my lipstick, I get a text message from him. 

"Hey babe. Finishing up here in a bit. Probably leaving soon." 

Deciding to have a little fun, I get into a very seductive pose on the bed showing off my outfit with a little pout as I snap a quick selfie. 

"Hurry home cowboy. I've got something special on, and it's just for you. Gx." 

"Holy fuck Gwen."

"I'm leaving now!"

"Don't move!"

"God you're perfect."

"I'm on my way!"

"I'm running all the red lights home."

I laugh as I read the dozens of text messages coming right after another. I guess I got his attention. Knowing he's not far away, and probably driving like a maniac to get here, I quickly go downstairs to get champagne and strawberries and go back upstairs where I patiently wait on the bed for my man to get home. Hearing his loud truck pull up and the front door unlock, open, and shut, I hear his boots quickly jogging up the stairs as they make their way to the master suite at the end of the hallway. 

Leaning up on the back of my elbows with one of my legs bent up at the knee, I smile deductively at him as he bursts through the door a little out of breath. 

"Welcome home cowboy." His eyes scan my entire body as he slowly walks to the bed taking in my appearance, almost as if he's too afraid to touch. 

"Jesus Christ..." 

Still staring at me from head to toe, I get on all fours and walk towards him like a panther, never breaking eye contact. I stretch up on my knees as I wrap my arms around his neck and begin lightly kissing his neck and under his chin. 

"I missed you today Blake. So much. I've been thinking of you. All... Day... Long." I follow each word with a filthy kiss on his neck and i can feel his erection growing harder by the second against my stomach. His hands are caressing up and down my lace covered body as he's literally growling into my mouth causing more and more moisture to pool in my panties. 

"What were you thinking about gorgeous?" He's finally got his bearings back as he takes over a bit and starts foundling my breasts and marking them with his mouth leaving me incredibly aroused.

"I was thinking about everything I want to do to you... About everything I want you to do to me.... First things first though..." I back my body up a little and giggle at how breathless he already his. "... What do you think of my outfit babe? Do you like it?" I'm saying it in a sexy girlish voice that I know drives him crazy as I see him give a little huff of laughter. 

"Do I like it? Is that a trick question babe?" He walks closer to me again, his frame towering over my tiny body while placing his hands gently on my ass and kissing me passionately. "You are the sexiest, most beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, breathtaking creature I have ever laid eyes on. And I am the luckiest son of a bitch for even being allowed to hold your hand let alone make love to you." 

"Aw thanks babe. You're pretty hot yourself y'know. But right now, I'm mostly interested in that last part. I've got plans for you cowboy, and none of them involve these clothes you've got on." 

*****

"Fuckkkkkk Blakeeeeee I'm comingggggg!!!" I was on all fours on the edge of the mattress while Blake stood behind pounding into me like there was no tomorrow. It was my fourth orgasm of the night and every single one left me seeing stars, only craving more. After releasing himself two seconds after me, I collapse onto the bed unable to hold myself up anymore with Blake following as we laid there trying to catch our breaths. This was our third round tonight and needless to say we were exhausted. It had been so long since we'd been able to have that loud, rough, dirty sex that both of us had craved a night like this. A night to do nothing but worship each others bodies. Over and over and over. 

After that last round we both needed a little bit of a breather and some nourishment. So sliding on Blakes black button up over my naked body, I made my way down to the kitchen to make some grilled cheese sandwiches because according to Blake, his legs didn't work quite yet. But I wasn't down there by myself for long as I soon notice two hands wrap around my stomach from behind as I feel his scruff on my neck. He's distracting me from flipping the sandwiches in front of the stove as he continues marking my skin all over. After that last round of sex upstairs, Im shocked there is any blank space left to mark on me. 

"Mmmm Blakeee your distracting me baby. I'm trying to make you a snack." I lean further back into him as he doesn't let up one bit but instead intensifies it even more by moving up to my earlobe which he knows is my weakness. 

"I'm happy with the snack I'm working on right now darlin... Although I am craving something else..." Taking his left hand off of my stomach he quickly turns the burner on the stove off and turns me around where he picks me up by my ass and places me on the kitchen counter. Making out furiously while standing between my legs, he's got me warmed up all over again. Slowly he starts moving down my body as I feel the scruff of his beard on my thighs and then suddenly his tongue firmly pushing inside of me. I gasp and flinch at the surprise of feeling him French kiss me down there causing him to grin like a naughty school boy into my pussy. 

"It's ok Gwen, just relax." His tongue is moving in and out of me so slowly and deeply that I'm losing my mind. I'm moaning out his name and other expletives while holding onto the knobs of the kitchen cabinets above me for leverage that by the time my orgasm hits me I'm already completely and utterly wrecked. 

"That's it babe, you taste so fucking good. Come for me. I want to taste you coming." 

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Ohhhhhh!" Not stopping his movements while my orgasm started, it only made it last longer and feel stronger. Finally after what felt like a ten minute long climax, Blake made his way back up my body where his face was literally covered in my juices. I laugh as I grab a towel and wipe his face a bit. 

"Sorry babe. But That felt so good." Stopping my hand with the towel in it, he looks at me with foggy blue eyes and his curls all askew.

"Never apologize for that baby. It's so fucking sexy, you have no idea." I giggle into a sloppy kiss as I run my fingers through his curls. The kiss turns to sweet pretty quickly as I find myself just leaning my head against his bare chest as I sit on the counter with him still standing in front of me barefoot in jeans. The tiredness of the numerous rounds of sex are finally kicking in as I yawn into him. I feel his whole body shake with a chuckle as he kisses the top of my head. 

"Tired pretty girl?" 

"Exhausted. Five orgasms really takes it out of me." That made him laugh too as I smile up into a light kiss. 

"Let's get to bed then sweetheart." Helping me off the counter, we walk back upstairs as I cling to his whole arm the entire way. I climb under the covers in his shirt as he slides his jeans off and gets in behind me. I love how perfect his knees fit behind me in the spooning position, especially because he's always so warm and soft up against my cold body. I intertwine my fingers with his while bringing them up to my lips for kiss causing him to return the gesture by kissing the top of my shoulder lightly. It doesn't take long for us both to fall asleep.

******  
The next morning I woke up feeling incredibly refreshed. Blake on the other hand was still out cold. I always find myself waking up before him simply because I love these moments of just staring up at him beside me. Every time, I'm unable to hold back a little prayer thanking God for sending this man into my life. For loving me. For saving me. By the way Blake is breathing, I can tell he's still going to be asleep for awhile, So I decide to go ahead and make breakfast for him in bed. Sometime during the night we had moved positions so that we were both facing each other with his hand loosely around my waste. This made it easy for me to slide out of his grasp without him noticing. Although I found it slightly adorable that when I did move away from him, a small furrow appeared on his brow as if missing me in his dreams. 

Into the kitchen I couldn't help but laugh at the half cooked grilled cheese sandwich on the stove due to the countertop pleasuring that we had partaken in hours earlier. I can't believe the things he did to me, the way he made me feel. Gavin never had that effect on me. Even when I was young, and at my prime, both physically and professionally. He always left me doubting myself and my appearance. I'd hear others call me beautiful or sexy but for whatever reason, I never believed them because my own husband couldn't give me a compliment if his life depended on it. He always made comments about my hair or make up or clothes or weight. Even when I was pregnant which was the hardest. He just always left me feeling ugly both inside and out.

But Blake. My god. My Blake. He makes me beautiful and sexy and confident and most of all, loved, so very very loved. I've never been this happy in my entire life and I hope he knows that. I know I'm getting ahead of myself but I can't help but picture myself with him forever. Growing old, going to wedding and graduations and watching our grandkids grow up. That's all I've ever wanted and for awhile I finally have a face to put on the man next to me in these dreams. 

Walking back upstairs with a tray of eggs, bacon, toast, muffins and fruit with coffee, I notice him peak his eyes open at the smell of food. Placing the tray on the bed and snuggling back up against my cowboy I rub my fingers through his bed head curls waiting for him to wake up. 

"Wake up handsome, breakfast is ready."

"Mmmm is that bacon I smell?" Leaning up he rubs his eyes before giving me a light kiss followed by a yawn. "Y'know the best part about you being a vegetarian is that it means I get all the bacon to myself." I laugh as I take a sip of coffee. 

"Well I figured you deserved a good breakfast after last night. God baby you were incredible."

"So were you sweetheart. I guess I can't control myself around you." 

"I don't just mean the sex though honey. Like everything. You just make me feel so amazing. Like all the time. And not just about us, but you make me feel good about myself as well. It's crazy. I mean I'd always dreamed and written about having a guy like you and just came to the conclusion that you didn't exist but then here you are and I'm literally getting my breath taken away on daily basis by you." I now I'm rambling at this point but I can't help myself. And Blake knows that which is why he's letting me talk without interrupting. "I know we happened fast, that there are still obstacles and hurdles that we need to get through, but I'm not scared. I'm not scared anymore because I know we'll make it. I know you'll still be my side years from now. This is the real thing Blake. You and me. We're going to make it. I know we will. Because this.... This is true love." 

Blake can't help but smile as he hears the words true love come out of my mouth reassuring me that I didn't scare him away with my girly confession. Sort of expecting him to say something back, I'm surprised when he suddenly gets up out of bed. He walks over to the corner where his jacket in on a chair and takes something out of the inside pocket and comes back to bed while placing a small black velvet ring box in front of me. My stomach literally drops. 

"Blake..."

"It's not what you think Gwen." We both laugh a little out of relief even though there's that slight look of disappointment in both ours eyes. Someday. Maybe. One day. 

Blake opens the box and shows me the most beautifully simple diamond band. 

"I've had this for a few weeks now. Been trying to think of when or how to give it to you. Nothing ever really seemed enough for you. But after hearing what you just said, after last night, after last week, I realized that I don't need some fancy gesture to show you how much I love you. Because hearing you call me your true love while wearing my giant shirt, hair all tangled, no makeup, and eyes still sleepy from the morning was the best moment of my entire life Gwen." I can't help myself as tears slowly start falling down my cheek at his adorable words causing him to brush them away gently with his thumb like always. 

"So call it a promise ring or commitment ring or whatever, but here I am Gwen. A nearly forty year old, country hick vowing to love you and your boys forever. That's what I wanted you to know with this ring. I'm yours Gwen, and nothing is going to scare me away or keep me from coming home to you every night. We went through hell separately in our pasts, but it was worth it since it brought me to this moment with you. I love you baby." 

"God I love you too Blake. Always." Unable to hold myself back, I pretty much jump into his arms on the bed nearly knocking the coffee over. We kiss and snuggle and talk in bed for the rest of the morning. Laying with my head on his chest, I can't help but admire the beautiful ring on my finger. It's not a proposal but it might as well have been. He's in it for the long run and so am I. Everyday I believe in us more and more, and I think this time, it's finally for real. 

We're laying in silence as Blakes running his fingers up and down my arm when I take off my ring to admire it up more closely. It's then that I notice the inscription on the inside of the band. 

"Forever Your's, Forever Mine"


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another bit of a filler as I briefly go over some bigger public moments such as Jimmy Fallon, the live shows starting and CMAs. Hope you enjoy! Thanks to all the loyal readers, you guys rock.

The past few weeks have been like a dream. Both professionally and personally, I'm feeling beyond grateful and blessed with my life. The songs I have been writing are literally pouring out of me as I've moved into writing actual love songs for the first time in my life. Even the ones about Gavin I've written are becoming less angry and sarcastic and more into healing, and just sort of over it. Of course I'm still angry and hurt and every day is a challenge to get through especially when my babies are not with me, but I'm feeling so confident and secure with who I am as an artist, as a mother, and as a person that it's getting easier and easier. I'm beyond grateful for the support system I have gotten from my parents, from Sophie, and from Jen and Todd. I mean everyone has their own problems, everyone has their own responsibilities and lives to take care of, but the way this group of people have put their lives on hold to help me is something I fear I had taken for granted for over the years. 

As incredible as my family has been, I'm not going to forget the fact that I've been lucky enough to have Blake in my life. He's literally piecing me back together one kiss at a time, one smile at a time, one 'I love you' at a time. And I'm happy to say I've been able to do the same for him. When I think back to that first day of filming when he said he was getting divorced, I can honestly cry just picturing how sick he had looked then. Not just because of how thin he was but that sparkle and lightness was gone, or more accurately, had been taken. Seeing him now, seeing how happy he is with me and the boys and on set and in the studio, it seriously makes my heart explode knowing I was part of that. 

Everything between us has been happening so quickly that sometimes when I would think about it for too long I would start getting nervous. But ever since that morning when he gave me that ring, I'll just look down at my finger whenever I get scared and suddenly those fears disappear. Yes we've moved fast, maybe too fast, and I'm sure when news gets out there will be a million tumors and headlines about rebounds or whatever, but luckily we're both mature enough to know the truth. And the truth is, Blake is my soulmate. During the first few months we made sure to make things light and easy, nothing serious. We knew that's all either of us could handle at the time. But now, he's committed to me, and I to him. In every way possible. Spiritually and physically. I'm no longer shaking thoughts out of my head as I picture him next to me at family dinners and holidays or birthday parties. Or dare I say possibly wearing a different ring on my finger. I know we are a long way away from any of this, and everyday is still a struggle considering I'm not even close to be legally divorced from Gavin, but it's so comforting knowing that it's safe to assume that that's the direction Blake and I are headed together. 

The live shows are starting soon and the rumors of Blake and I dating are already starting. The blinds, and battle rounds and knock outs have aired and due to some creative editing by the producers, they definitely played into the whole flirting thing between the two single coaches. When we watched them on tv together we both laughed and rolled our eyes since we were barely friends at the beginning. But later on during the battle rounds and knock outs, I blushed because, yeah, maybe I was flirting just a little. And he was definitely giving me a lot of attention as he tried harder then usual to make me laugh and compliment me. It's sort of fun being able to have that time documented on film but I also know it's about to get really complicated with the live shows starting soon. Our families know, the kids know, some of our closest friends know, but we haven't talked about discussing it publicly yet. 

The four coaches about ready to do a little press tour out in New York along with a couple other tv spots, and I'm confused whether the question of 'us' will be brought up and I'm wondering how Blake wants to handle it. I'd just gotten back from dropping the kids off at school and am sipping on some tea in kitchen as I watch Blake play adoringly with Apollo on the floor with some blocks. I swear I could stare at him and my youngest all day. I admit it's strange since Apollo looks so much like my ex husband but seeing the smile that Blake gives my baby has caused those comparisons to vanish immediately. I must have been staring for awhile because suddenly my cowboy is standing in front of me with his hands on waist. 

"I can tell you're thinkin about something darlin'. Care to share?" 

I set my tea down so my arms are free to wrap around his neck as I lean up on my tip toes and give him a light kiss. "Just thinking about how cute you are playing on the floor with my kid. It's a view I never get tired of." Blake smiles into another kiss as he takes it a little deeper but not too deep as his tongue just briefly touches mine before pulling away. 

"You sure that's it?"

"I mean..." He knows me way too well. 

"I knew it. What's on your mind Gwen? You can tell me." We separate as we both take seats at the kitchen island both in bar stools facing Apollo as we watch him and talk at the same time. 

"I guess I'm just a little nervous about this press trip and with the live shows starting. I mean, rumors about us are already floating around and I'm just wondering if more questions are going to come up and how I should answer and then with the live shows how I should act towards you. I'm not a good liar and I just get really tongue tied and I don't know what to-" 

Suddenly two lips are on mine as he quickly and adoringly calms me down. Leaning his forehead towards mine, he brushes his hand down my cheek as I smile gratefully towards him. 

"Better?" 

"Much. Sorry, I got a little rambly there."

"Don't apologize baby. You're cute when you're nervous and ramble. But let's figure this out baby. Cuz I don't want you anxious thinking about this stuff. K?"

"Ok. I guess I just don't know what to do. Last time I dated someone it was a different time ya know? I mean ya sure photographers and magazines were around but the Internet was barely a thing so there was no Twitter or a million gossip websites." 

"Ya, I feel ya. Well let me ask you something, do you want to come out publicly? Are you ready? Cuz it doesn't matter to me. I'm in no rush to give a press statement but at the same time, I'm in this for the long haul, so it's going to happen eventually. I plan on holding onto your hand for the next like fifty years so at some point I'm sure a picture will be taken. But that's me. And only me. I know it's more complicated with you because you work very hard to give the boys a normal life. And this will definitely add... excitement to their life." I smile a little at that last part as he tries to joke with me. Excitement is one word of describing it. But he's right, it's the boys I have always put first and this is no different. 

"You're right. I mean they've been so many changes lately and even though they love you I know the amount of paparazzi will triple with this news.... God I hate this part of our jobs. It's none of anyone's business. I just want to go on a date with my boyfriend like a normal girl without being hounded by a million people or asked a million questions. It's not fare." I say that last part with a little pout that I know makes him smile in a way that immediately wants to kiss it away. Which he always does.

"Then we'll wait. I don't want to hurt the boys either, and if you're not ready then we'll wait."

"I just don't want you thinking I'm hiding this or you or us. God, Blake, I'm like so proud to be the one holding your hand. I just really want you to know that baby. I just want to do this next part right." I'm standing in between his legs now as I rest my hands on the top of his thighs as he's still sitting on the bar stool. One of his hands has casual slid up my leg as it rest on my ass causing tingles down my body. 

"I do know that baby. Don't worry, I'm always on the same page as you. And I promise We'll do this next part right." 

*****  
Off to New York we were scheduled to do the tonight show with Jimmy Fallon and then the Today Show. I'm nervous, but beyond happy to not being doing these alone. The interviews went fine and there were a couple awkward moments with Matt Lauer but luckily both Blake and I skated and deflected through them pretty easily. Watching the clip back in the green room though afterwards it wasn't hard to see the way Blake looked at me from across the table. Part of me was nervous because I thought it made our relationship so obvious but another part of me actually loved it and never wanted him to stop looking at me like that. And something tells me I'll get my wish. 

Jimmy Fallon was a different story though. I adore him and it's always fun to go on that show because it's so hilarious to watch him spar with Adam and Blake. Plus we always get to play games. It was my turn to have the heart eyes though as I couldn't stop staring at my cowboy from across the game table. He's purposefully avoiding eye contact with me though because when he saw me in my leather cut out dress backstage for the first time his mouth immediately dropped. I believe his exact words were "I'm not going to be able to look at you dressed like that without getting an erection on national television sweetheart." 

I mean, what a gentleman, right? 

All that went out the window though when we sang out duet of Drake though. I couldn't stop laughing at how Blake had no clue what this song was and how we were suppose to play it cool and yet hear we are singing to each other in front of a million people. I didn't even realize how thick I was laying it on as I sexily sang and swayed my body towards him. Oh well, I guess I'll be regretting that when the rumors start up tomorrow, but for now, I'm going to enjoy myself. Afterwards we laughed and talked more backstage with the other coaches and Jimmy but we soon all went our separate ways. Both Adam and Pharrel were meeting up with friends in the city and even though Blake and I grabbed a drink with Jimmy in his office after the show, we pretty much had the night to ourselves as we made our way back to the hotel suite. 

Riding up the elevator I couldn't help but give him a hard time at his performance of Hotline Bling. He's so country it literally cracks me up. Standing in front of my hotel door as I look for my key he's even blushing a little as he looks down a little embarrassed in a very cute way. 

"What the hell is a hotline bling anyway?" His accent sounds so funny saying those words. Words that he's probably never spoken in his life.

"I think it means like a booty call handsome." 

Suddenly I feel his lips on my neck from behind as he pulls my back into his chest and whispers into my ear. "So is that what I am to you baby? A booty call?" His voice and low and gravely as I feel the vibration against my body. He's moved up to my ear lobe and I suddenly forget what I was looking for in my purse. "Admit it Gwen, you just want me for my body?" I can feel him smile from behind as he continues joking with me while turning me on at the same time. Finally finding the key in my bag, I turn around with my back against the door pulling him into me as firmly grind my body against his. 

"Would you mind if I did cowboy?" I pull his head down for an incredibly filthy kiss in the hallway of this crowded hotel as I pray no one walks by. 

"Fuck. Not at all darlin. Use away." We giggle into each other as I bury my face into his blazer and blush while he gently takes the key out of my hand and leads me inside like a gentleman. What I find inside my suite leaves me beyond speechless though. 

The entire living room and part of the balcony is covered in candles with the lights slightly dimmed. There's a lovely table set for two in the middle by the doors leading outside overlooking the beautiful view of the Manhattan skyline. Some Carol King music is playing softly on the stereo next to a bucket of chilling champagne and two glasses with white roses strategically scattered all around. Tears are filling my eyes as I turn around to find Blake shyly smiling back at me while leaning against the door looking totally cool and collected. 

"Blake... How did you... When did you..." 

"I seem to recall you once saying you wish you could just go out on a date with your boyfriend without people going nuts." He's walked towards me as he gently holds on to my hands and brings them up for a kiss. "Well baby, I wish more then anything I could have taken you out to a fancy restaurant and out dancing in the city, but until we figure this out, this is the best I could do." My heart is beating out of my chest as I melt into his arms at the gesture and trouble he's gone through to give me a date night. Not only was he listening to me when I was talking but the fact that he remembered and tried to make it better is something I'm so not used to that for I second I'm scared I'm dreaming. Feeling his breath against my neck as I hold onto him makes me realize this is my reality though. 

"Do you like it baby?" 

I back away and wipe away a stray tear while fighting back more from falling. "Do I like it? Are you kidding me Blake? No one has ever done something like this for me! It's beautiful, and so so so perfect. Thank you, for everything." 

It was my favorite date night ever as we spent the evening drinking champagne, eating incredible Italian food, slow dancing to the music on the balcony, and finally retreating to the master bedroom of the suite where we made love. It was beautiful, and slow, and gentle, and oh so perfect. Kissing me the entire time, my orgasm came so strongly that a tear of pleasure literally slid down my cheek. After Blake had climaxed a second later, I couldn't help but cling onto him so he would stay on top and still inside of me as I felt him slowly soften. I kissed him tenderly all over his face as he slowly regained his strength after coming while he lowered his head on to my chest. Still trying to get my own breathing back under control I could feel his whole body slightly trembling on top of me. 

"You ok cowboy? You're shaking." It's barely a whisper as I kiss the top of his soft curls. I can feel him give a small laugh though as he lifts his head to meet my brown eyes with his denim blues. 

"Yeah baby I'm ok. It's just..." He leans in to give me a small kiss but I want to hear the rest of his thought so I end it pretty quick.

"It's just what?" 

He takes a deep breath. "It's just... No matter how many times Gwen, making love with you is always like making love for the very first time. You leave me breathless every single time." 

I've tried my hardest all night but there's no stopping these tears from coming as I hear his words leave his mouth. He knows me well enough to know they are happy tears and that even though I couldn't find the words to respond, I feel the same exact way. Lifting his body up slightly while placing one of his hands on my face and the other on my lower back he brings me in for a deep kiss to calm my tears as he cradles the rest of my body in bed. Once again, we don't let our lips separate from each other as we continue making love all night long in New York City. 

Every time feeling just like its the first.

*****  
The live shows are going well. It's so fun getting to come up with new looks all week not to mention get dressed up with my sexy cowboy just a few feet away. I think my favorite part of the night is whenever he sees my finished look for the very first time. He's like a cartoon character as his mouth literally drops and his eyes widen. I know it's not just flattery because sometimes he can't even contain himself from waiting until after the show to get his hands on me. Even though it's sometimes a pain to touch up my makeup I'm beyond flattered to know it's because he's been all over me. To go from a marriage with a guy who seemed to want nothing from me emotionally or physically to having a tall drink of water who literally can't contain his self control is beyond exhilarating for me. I think the biggest affect I had on the cowboy with one of my looks was anytime I wore these amazing over the knee black boots I have with a short dress. He's obsessed with my legs and knowing this fact about him, I try to drive him crazy with them whenever given the chance. 

Walking out in that first live show in my red and black mini dress with my boots though I did feel a little bad as I saw him literally shake the dirty thoughts out of his head knowing we didn't have enough time to fool around before the cameras started rolling. The amount of times I'd look over when Pharrel was talking and notice Blake not paying attention AT ALL to P but instead scanning my legs was hilarious. 

"Eyes up top cowboy. Cameras are rolling. Gx" I'd kid into a text as he smiled at his phone during a commercial break. 

"I can't help it when you look so damn sexy all the time. Not sure I'll be able to keep my hands off of you till we get back to my place tonight beautiful." 

He wasn't kidding either. The second the cameras ended and we said our goodbyes to our teams, I saw him signal from across the room as he points his head towards the door where the coaches trailers are. Taking his hint I slyly slipped away from the crowds with him right behind me. Before the door to my trailer is even shut and locked his tongue was down my throat as he picked me up by my ass and sat me on the vanity counter top. Wrapping my boot covered legs around his waist he grinded his erection into me from under my dress that was riding up my body causing me to release a moan that might have been a little too load for crew still on set. 

"Fuck Gwen I love the noises you make... And I fucking love these boots too." 

"I wore them just for you baby." Thrusting into me harder as I was pushed up against the mirror, I could feel my center completely soaked with moisture. "God, Blake, baby, I can't wait till we get to your place either. I need you now. Please." 

Without needing to say another word, both our hands moved to his belt as we quickly worked his pants off and around his ankles. Grabbing onto his warm, throbbing cock in my hand is a feeling I craved and this is no different as I stroke him firmly while his fingers gently swipe along my wet lips to see if I'm ready. Which for him, I ALWAYS am. Since we're not alone on set, our noises have to be kept to a minimum which is easier said then done considering how turned on and dirty this is becoming as he starts fucking me in my trailer. I come hard against the mirror as he fucks me through it and I screamed into his blazer trying to muffle the sounds. As I'm coming down from my high, he picked me up while still inside and sat us down on the couch with me now straddling him as I use the back of the furniture for leverage. I know he loves me on top sometimes and loves how free I can sometimes get as I ride him. Helping me keep my rhythm though, his hands are on my hips as he thrusts up into me. I feel my second orgasm approaching and I know he's close as well as his breathing and moans becomes harsher by the second. 

"Fuck Gwen I'm so close! Just like that baby!" Suddenly I feel his hips stutter as he spills inside of me and I begin to unravel for the second time that night. Finally climbing off of him I collapsed on the couch longways as my legs lay across his lap as I take in gulps of air. 

"Maybe you shouldn't wear these boots again baby. I can't trust myself around them." 

Giggling, I lean up and crawl towards him to give him a soft kiss on the cheek and then whisper into his ear.

"Or... I wear them again for tomorrow's show." 

 

Yea, that night, that memory is one I love replaying in my head during time apart. It gets me through some lonely nights when my cowboy is out of town. Like tonight. He's in Nashville for the Country Music Awards tomorrow night and won't be back for a few days. I already miss him but am excited he's up for some awards. He said he doesn't think he'll win but is just excited to perform and see some old friends. We talked about me going with him but it seemed too complicated with schedules and whether to walk the red carpet and what people would think so we decided that I would just stay. I felt bad though because even though he said it was fine and understood, I saw a tiny bit of disappointment in his eyes. 

It's about 1am and I'm wide awake as I toss and turn restless in my bed. It's crazy how quickly I grew to needing him next to me in order to sleep. It's a neediness I'm not proud of but it is what it is. Wanting some sort of connection to Blake I play some of his older music on my phone as I look through the CMA website to see what this award show is all about. It's a lot bigger deal then I realized as I scroll through the nominations and actually blush had how many times Blake has previously won huge titles. Obviously I know he's a big deal and huge celebrity but since we come from such different worlds I sometimes forget just HOW successful he really is. 

Scrolling through tomorrow nights nominations I suddenly notice the amount of times Miranda's name is on their under huge categories as well. Something else I sometimes forget about. I don't exactly have the problem of crossing paths with Gavin in our careers. I don't have to worry about seeing him at the Grammys or Oscar parties because to be honest, his career isn't nearly big enough. I passed him in fame once we hit 2000 and him and his band stayed in the 90s. I know this because it was a constant fight of resentment from him as my success put food on the table. But Blake doesn't get this luxury. According to many, His ex wife is in some ways his female equal. They were called the King and Queen of country for years so their paths are bound to cross numerous times a year. Her being there at the ceremony honestly didn't even cross my mind, and even though it's not in a jealous way, I suddenly realize I need to be there with him. I know he's doesn't want to admit this but It's not going to be easy for him and even though I won't be able to walk the carpet or sit with him during the show, I want him to know that I'll be waiting for him afterwards with open arms. 

So booking a flight for the first thing in the morning for Nashville, I send him a short text with a screenshot of my plane ticket that I hope doesn't wake him up. Finally able to sleep peacefully, I close my eyes only to open them the next morning to text from Blake. 

"Yeehaw! I don't think I could be anymore in love with you baby! See you soon sweetheart!" 

*****

Waiting back at the hotel for Blake to finish at the show with his manager, I sip my wine nervously before going to the after party. I loved watching him perform, he looked so handsome in his white shirt and vest, and my god he looked like he was having so much fun. When he picked me up from the airport, he held on to me for longer then usual while breathing me in. He admitted on the ride home that he wasn't looking forward to tonight since Miranda was probably going win more then once but that me being there with him in Nashville meant more then he could put into words. Suddenly I hear the door open and my cowboy walks in looking very dapper in his suit with a huge smile on his face. He walks right into my arms while giving me a kiss and I decide not to bring up him not winning or her winning since I can see on his face that he clearly doesn't care. 

"You sure you want to go to this afterparty Gwen? You might be kind of bored with all these country hicks hanging around drinking." 

"Yeah! Let's go! I want to see a whole room full of Cowboys! Plus it's the only award show party I can go to and be allowed to wear jeans! Even though I'm a little sad you wouldn't let me wear my Halloween costume." He gives a big chuckle as he holds onto me close while I notice him picture my cowgirl outfit in his mind from a few weeks earlier. 

"Yeah right darlin! Ain't no way I'd let you loose in Nashville dressed like every Cowboy's dream cowgirl! Id lose you in a second!" 

Wrapping my arms around his neck I give him a sweet kiss with a tiny bit of tongue as I sigh into his mouth. "Never. You'd never lose me cowboy." 

"Good to know... After you sweetheart." 

 

At the party I admit I'm a little overwhelmed. We entered through the back door wanting to avoid photographers but inside is unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's a combination of black tie, tuxedos, gowns, denim, cowboy hats, and enough boots to fill a department store. Even though Blake and I are going easy on the PDA, I notice more then a few curious looks from others probably wondering what the hell Im doing there. I think most just assumed I was there as a friend since we work together, not believing that the two of us were actually dating. But overall I'm having a fun time. The people Blake is introducing me to are so kind and funny as I suddenly feel like the odd man out without a country accent. It's also incredible to see Blake in his element. The respect he gets from this crowd is so overwhelming that I'm beyond proud to call him mine in this room full of country royalty. So many times I have to stop myself from holding onto his hand or kissing his cheek that it's seriously driving me crazy. 

A few hours in, I'm next to Blake as he's talking to his friend Brad Paisley while I stand a little behind him to check my phone for messages from the kids. Suddenly a man introduces himself to me as the guitar player in someone band whose name I can't remember. This guy is straight rocker as he reminds me of my ex husband. Tight pants, fitted shirt, jewelry, well groomed. It's not until maybe ten minutes into the conversation with him that I realize he's actually flirting with me. Through out the years, of course I've had guys flirt with me, but I was married to such a recognizable guy in the music industry that it was never threatening. At least for me since I knew i would never let it go too far. And of course that goes without saying in this situation as well. But I get nervous when I suddenly realize that other then a handful of people, every guy thinks I'm single and up for grabs. 

Feeling a little vulnerable, I make eye contact with Blake whose still in his conversation with Brad to try and convey that I want him next to me. Taking the hint, he excused himself and walks up besides me while introducing himself to the guy flirting with me and making his presence known. I think the man was a little disappointed that our alone time was interrupted by another dude but that honestly didn't stop him from blatantly continuing to butter me up in front of Blake. I could tell how uncomfortable it was making Blake and how much he wanted to intervene without going all caveman so instead I politely excused us from the guitar player to say we're going to get a drink. Unfortunately while saying our goodbyes, he took that as his last chance to get somewhere with me. 

"So I know this is crazy, and I hope you don't mind me asking but you are just so beautiful and I'd love to get to know you. Would you mind if I ask for your number Gwen and maybe we could grab dinner sometime?" 

My stomach actually drops as I suddenly find myself in a situation I've never been before. Even though we're not touching, I can feel Blake tense up as he runs through scenarios on how to reacted without embarrassing me. 

"That's very sweet of you, but..." I firmly grab onto Blakes hand and bring him closer into me as a smile of relief comes across his face. "... But I'm actually here with someone already. Someone pretty incredible." 

The guitar player shakes his head in disbelief while giving a small chuckle. "Wait what?! How the hell did you pull that off Shelton! Damn, that's quite a girl you got there! Man oh man, no ones gonna believe this!" 

Stepping a little in front of me Blake was definitely ready to end this conversation. "Alright buddy, that's enough. We're gonna go get a drink. Talk to you later." Putting his hand on my back, he protectively led me out of the crowd into a quiet a corner. 

Finally by ourselves, I notice the insecurities flooding over Blakes face as he suddenly looks like a little boy. Obviously no guy likes to see their girl hit on in front of them but I know the shock that guy let out that I was actually dating him wounded Blake a bit. He confesses to me that he sometimes feels like he's not good enough for me and my family. I understand we all have insecurities but this one always breaks my heart because if he only knew how in love with him I am, and how I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world to be HIS girl, and no one else's. 

Walking over to him, I decide to throw all our PDA issues out the window and show him how proud I am to be with him. Placing both my hands on his face, I lean up and give him a kiss full of tongue but not overly filthy. I can tell the kiss took him by surprise as a few people look over in confusion. 

"Hey... So you want to get out of here handsome?" 

"I thought you wanted to see a room full of Cowboys darlin?" 

"What's the point. I've already got the hottest one in Nashville." Seeing his dimples finally appear made my heart explode as he leaned in for one more kiss. "Cmon, how bout you show this OC girl around the city cowboy?" 

"Yes ma'am." 

Walking through the crowd hand in hand with huge grins on our faces, I couldn't help but notice the whispers that were making their way through the onlookers. I think I even noticed a few cameras going off as we got to the valet and into his truck. Blake shot me a worried look to see if I was ok but I simply smiled back, not wanting to stress about any of that now and instead enjoy the rest of the night with my true love in this new city. 

Foregoing the town car and driver, Blake calls for his truck to be pulled up as he helps me get in. As much as he hates driving in LA, I can tell out here he loves getting behind the wheel. He seems to know where he's going as he casually points out a few sights a long the way. 

"That's where my first apartment was." "That's the bar I had my first gig in town at."  
"That's the grocery store where I got my first crazy fan experience at." 

I love hearing these stories from him and glad to see him smiling again after that awkward situation at the party. I have clue where we are going but I notice us driving up some hill and further out of the city. Slowing down, he pulls off the main road and is driving on nothing but a dirt path as he parks the car and tells me to wait inside for a second. It's pitch black as the truck is parked up on some hill as I hear Blake fussing with something in the truck bed. Opening my door, he takes my hand and helps me out as he walks me towards the back of the truck to see the view. 

The Nashville skyline was something I had never seen in my entire life. It was beyond gorgeous. It reminded me of hiking up to the Hollywood sign back home and looking down at the LA lights at night. Turning around I notice he had set up a few blankets in the bed of truck as he helped me up. Leaning back into his chest with his arms wrapped around me for warmth in the November chill, I realized how incredible this last minute trip was turning out to be.

"Alright Shelton, be honest, how many girls have you brought up here?" I feel his whole body laugh as I tease him but am also secretly wondering the honest answer.

"No one. You're the first Gwen." 

"Hmm not sure I believe that."

"You know I always tell you the truth baby. I've never brought anyone else here. Well except Betty." 

"Really?"

"Really. I only found this spot maybe a year ago. Miranda and I had gotten in a huge fight when we were staying at our house in the city and I just grabbed my keys and left for a drive to blow off some steam. Didn't even know where I was going or how I got here but I just sort of found myself parked here looking down at the city thinking about everything. Sort of became a habit, every time we got in a fight I'd come here to cool off. Then after we separated and I'd be in town I'd find myself coming here to think about what went wrong and what I was going to do next."

"Sounds like a spot with a lot of sad memories." 

"It used to be. But then sometime over the summer I found myself coming here and not thinking about her anymore, but instead thinking of you, and only you. Wondering if you had feelings for me, or figuring out when I could get back to you and the boys. So yeah, You're right, it used to be sad, but just like everything else in my life you've changed it into something filled with happiness and so much love. That's why I wanted to bring you here baby. I wanted to share this with you." 

I love it when Blake gets in these moods. So serious, so emotional, so touching. Considering he's this big strong country manly man, he's never been too above telling me exactly how he's feeling or what he's thinking. It's one of my favorite attributes about him. And something I'm not entirely used to. He kisses the side of my head, and suddenly I need more contact with him if possible as I back into him harder and holds onto me tighter. 

"The city is so beautiful Blake. I never knew Nashville had these views." 

"It's quite a city. In my world, if you've made it down there, then you've made it in your career. It's probably how movie stars or rock stars feel looking down into Hollywood. But in country music, that city represents everything you want to accomplish in life for a lot of artists." 

"And is that true for you too? I mean, Mr. Blake Shelton, you're pretty much the king of country music and have accomplished every achievement known to man. So what do you see when you look down at the city?" I can feel him take a deep breathe. He's not stalling, I can tell he's honestly thinking as he truly considers the question. 

"Honestly, it used to mean everything to me. Ten, fifteen years ago, making it in Nashville was all that mattered to me. Record deals, playing stadiums, money, awards, all that stuff we all chased after climbing up the industry ladder was no different for me. I wanted it all."

I think he could feel me tense up a bit as he sensed my disappointment in his answer, but something told me he wasn't finished yet. 

"But as the years went on, all of that stuff just became less and less important. Sure it was fun, and I'm beyond grateful for the career I've had and the recognition. But the more awards I got, the more it made me see what was really missing in my life and what truly mattered to me." 

"What was that?"

Wrapping his arms around me tighter he whispered into my ear.

"A family." 

Needing to see him, I turn my body around in his arms as he cradles me in his lap and I bury my face into his neck while holding onto the collar of his shirt as he continues speaking. 

"A family to come home to every night, to tuck in at night, that's what became important to me Gwen throughout the years. Or Maybe it was always important to me but it just took some growing up for me to realize. I mean, For so many people, they look down at this city and imagine their future. They see their name in lights, and winning awards with the fame that comes with it. And yeah, I imagine my future too when I look down there. But when I think about my future.... the only thing I see is you Gwen. I imagine my life with you and the boys. Forever. And the feeling I get in my chest, in my heart, when I think about all the birthday parties and soccer games and movie nights we'll have together throughout the years, or the feeling of Apollo reaching out his arms for me, or playing catch with Zuma in the backyard or sword fighting with King, or the feeling of waking up with your head on my chest or holding you in my arms or making you smile. Those feelings, those memories are worth more then every award, worth more then every record sale, worth more then any paycheck. Right now, I'm holding in my arms everything I'll ever need in my life. Everything that matters."

Holding onto him as tightly as humanly possible I try to hide the tears running down my face by burying myself further into his neck as he kisses the top of my head. Everything he says is always so perfect that I'm always left so speechless to respond. 

"Blake...."

"Hmmm..."

"I'll always love you. For the rest of my life." 

Kissing me firmly, I could tell those words were enough for him. They aren't poetry like his are, but they're all I'm able to convey to him right now. I wish I could explain the depths of my love for him, the way he saved me, but for now, that's all I have. We kiss a bit longer under the Tennessee stars as he pulls one of the blankets around us as it starts getting a little colder. 

"Do you want to get going darlin? We've got a nice warm bed back at the hotel." 

Crawling on top of his body under the blanket in the back of his truck, I smile into a kiss as I get an idea. 

"Not yet cowboy. I kind of like our bed out here."


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all- it's been awhile for this series so thank you for being patient. This chapter is a little bit of a domestic filler as I try to get back I nto the groove again of this story but I hope to update it again soon. Thanks for reading :)

Waking up the morning after the CMAs I felt like I was on cloud nine. Blake and I had spent the entire night talking about our pasts and our families and our dreams for hours that by the time we got back to the room it was way past midnight. Our conversations were the most natural things in the world And to hear him share his thoughts on his career and success and what's truly important made me realize just how similar our values are and where our priorities lie. Obviously we look like the strangest couple on the outside but my god it's incredible how alike we are. It seriously makes the most perfect sense that sometimes I wonder how and why I never saw it sooner.

We stayed in this gorgeous hotel suite that night that Blake had booked for us. By the time we finally made it back after our little road trip up the Nashville hills it was close to 2am when our heads hit the pillows. I was exhausted and vaguely remembered mumbling an I love you into his neck where I seemed to have buried my face before falling asleep. And sure enough I woke up in roughly the same position as I looked up at his sleeping face. God he was so handsome when he slept. As much as i love sleeping, I also love waking up just slightly before he does. It gives me those few moments to really take in just how ruggedly handsome he was without him thinking I was strange for staring. That's not the only thing though. I mean, yes, of course Blake is handsome, but I love how at peace he looks when he sleeps. I often wonder if he always looks like that or if it's just because he's next to me. I hope it's because of the ladder because lord knows I toss and turn all night without him close by. He's my new security blanket in a lot of ways. Both physically and mentally. 

He's laying slightly on his side facing me with his arm draped loosely over my thigh to keep me close. I can't help myself in rubbing my nails through his slightly longer then usual scruff. I never dated a guy with facial hair before and assumed I wouldn't like it but my god the feeling of his salt and pepper beard on my lips or neck or ear or even between my legs is my new favorite sensation. Wiggling his nose at the first touch of my long nails on his cheek, I giggle to myself at how cute he is. He lets out a big sigh like one does when they first wake up and tightens his arm around me, bringing me closer into his chest for snuggles. His sleepy eyes open finally and meet mine for the first time this morning. I never get over the fact that as soon as our eyes meet a small dimpled smile will always appear on his face. It doesn't matter if it's across a crowded room during a Voice taping or alone in bed, it's like I'm all he sees in that moment. And I'm all he needs. 

"Hi." I give him a soft kiss on the nose that makes him laugh. 

"Mornin Darlin." His voice is extra husky today. He must not have gotten enough sleep. His eyes close again but his smile remains as he pulls me against him. The way it's so effortless for him to slightly manhandle me is I admit, a major turn on. I know he's tired but I'm feeling extra snugly and awake as I have fun tickling his neck and trying to get his attention. 

"Mmm woman go back to sleep." His voice is low and gravely as I continue trying to get his attention while he tries to get me to go back to asleep. 

"I can't babe. I'm too awake. Cmon wake up. Come play with me." I love being girly around him. It's something I never really got the chance to be except around my family and kids. Gavin was never one for someone being childish and goofy, and neither was Tony is I really thought about it. To them I was supposed to be this badass rockstar that was cool and sexy and trendy 24/7. But Blake loves this side of me. He loves it when i act like a weirdo with the kids or even not with the kids. He loves it when I get just a tad needy for him or when I use my girlish voice. I think it's because it makes him feel like a big strong man. Miranda was so independent that she never needed anything from him and Gavin was so cold that he never wanted anything from me. It's crazy to think how we were both married to people for so long who when we really thought about it, were the complete opposite of who we were. 

Smiling up at me from my little whine, he squints his eyes open again and kisses my hand which is currently resting on his cheek. "Darlin its way too early to be getting out of bed." 

"Who said anything about getting out of bed cowboy?" That seemed to wake him up immediately as his eyes widen with that look of lust and want. I smile mischievously back at him as he rolls me over and hovers above me while I open my legs for him to settle in between and without saying another word his lips are on mine followed by the playfulness of his tongue. I love feeling the weight and warmth of his body on mine underneath the sheets. It's so pure and simple that I think this type of love making might be my favorite. Although I seem to change my mind each time Blake makes me climax. 

His hands are feeling me up all over as they move up my tshirt that I wore to bed and are causing me to push myself further into his hands. His giant palms engulf my breasts and the sensation of his fingers playing with my nipples is making me moan into his mouth. I can feel myself getting wetter by the second and from the feel of his erection against my leg I know he's just as turned on. With my hands in his bedhead curls, I start moving them down his back where I settle on the top hem his boxers and begin working them down his hips. Taking the hint, Blake moves them down the rest of the way and then slides my shorts off as well. I can feel the moisture pooling between my legs and I know I need him inside of me now. His lips starts moving down my body but I stop him and bring his mouth back up to mine. 

"What is it Gwen?" His words are breathy and a little confused as I stop him from going down on me. 

"Nothing baby. I just want to feel you inside of me. All of you. And nothing else. Is that ok?" I'm not quite sure why I need that so bad but I do. Maybe it's after our talks last night that I need to feel part of him. And when he's inside of me in that way, it's the most connected I've ever felt with him. 

"I think I can handle that baby. Don't worry, I know what you need." Giving me a small smile before kissing me again, he positions my body beneath his so that his whole frame is now in between my legs. While cradeling my body with one arm, he uses the other to open my thighs ever wider preparing me for his thrusts. I can already feel a little of my juices on the mattress beneath us so I now I'm ready as I start pressing his back down on me giving him the go ahead. Lining up the head of his dick with my entrance, he slowly pushes in causing me to whimper into his mouth. Pushing slowly, he doesn't stop until he's all the way inside and there's no space between us. Blake fits so perfectly within me that every nerve ending seems to get the contact required to drive me crazy. 

"Fuck Gwen, I will never get used to what it feels like to be inside of you." I wrap my legs around his back opening myself up more for him as he begins thrusting into me. Once we find our rhythm, I can't help but start moaning his name over the sounds of our bodies hitting each other. 

"Oh god Blake! That feels so good baby! Yes! More! Right there!" I know I should be embarrassed but I don't mind asking for it as he fucks into me harder. I'm so close to exploding that I can feel my whole body trembling in anticipation. "Fuck I'm so close cowboy! Oh my god!" 

"Yeah come for me baby. I know it feels good for you. Come Gwen! Come!"

"Ohhhhhhhh!" I scream out my pleasure as I feel him spill inside of me and the sensation of his warm love filling me sends shivers up and down my body as we both hold onto each other waiting for our aftershocks to cease while his face is buried in my neck as we both try to catch our breathes after that round. 

"Alright cowboy. You win. Now I can go back to sleep." 

"Ha! Yeah right hun! I'm wide awake now!" Lifting his head he starts peppering my face with kisses as his beard tickles all over causing me to giggle uncontrollably while he softens inside of me. Just then my phone starts going off with about a million text message notifications followed by email after email. Blake grumbles into my chest as he can tell my attention is elsewhere. 

"Leave it baby. Lets pretend we're still asleep." Reluctantly I pull myself away from him as I begin getting out from under his warmth.

"I can't leave it babe. I've got three kids away from me. I always have to answer." Walking over to my phone my eyes widen as I scroll through the dozens of messages from my publicist along with a million articles showing the same picture of Blake and I walking out of the party last night holding hands. Sensing something was wrong, Blake walks over and stands next to me with his hand on my back. 

"What is it Gwen? Did something happen with the boys? Gwen? Honey your scaring me." Shaking my head in disbelief I simply hand him my phone to see for himself as I go to sit on the end of the bed to wrap my head around everyone now knowing. I see the worry fall over Blake's face as he reads through the stories and soon he starts pacing back and forward across the room (A nervous trait of his I've never seen before). 

I can tell his first concern is me. He's said before he doesn't care who knows but that it was always my call, so him being nervous and scared right now has zero to do with his career and reputation and everything to do with fear of me running for the hills again. And for whatever reason, that realization oddly calms me down from all the craziness about to happen. This beautiful man burning a hole in the carpet from his pacing is willing to throw it all away just to be with me. Wow.

"Gwen? Gwen baby are you ok?" He must have been talking the entire time I was lost in thought because suddenly he's kneeling down in front of me asking a question. "I know this isn't how you wanted to do things honey but we can figure it out ok? I'll call my publicist and then yours and we'll figure out a plan. Whatever you wa-"

I cut off his rambling with a kiss to calm him down. He was quite literally circling the drain. Letting go of his lips I could tell mine had affected him positively as his were still in the pursed position. Rubbing my nails through his crazy bedhead curls, I kiss his forehead sweetly as he places his hands around my waist as he sits on his knees in front of me. 

"It's fine cowboy. Don't worry. We'll be fine. I promise." 

"Really? But the picture and articles-" 

"Blake that stuff doesn't matter.... We already told the boys. And our families. And our closest friends. And the producers. They all know and are happy for us. Everyone else... everything else is just noise baby. It's not real. Last night was real. This morning was very real. You and me are what's real." I follow my words with a tender kiss to emphasize that we'll be ok. 

"I must say Miss Stefani that you're staying a lot more calm then I thought you would." 

"I promised you awhile ago that there'd be no more running..." wrapping my arms around his neck to bring him closer I lean my forehead against his as I feel him close his eyes. "...and I meant it. It's you and me baby. Forever." 

"God I love you Gwen." 

"And I love you cowboy... Now will you please get back in bed with me. Someone exhausted me this morning!" 

"Yes ma'am." 

Putting my phone on silent, Blake places it on the coffee table and climbs back into bed with me. His knees fit perfectly behind mine as he spoons my body against his, kissing the back of my shoulder as I play with his knuckles in front of my stomach before eventually drifting off to sleep. 

*****

Being back in LA by myself is not something I particularly enjoy but Blake had to stay in Nashville to record some songs for his album and I had to get back to my boys for the rest of the week. He was so cute saying good bye to me at the airport though, it seriously melted my heart. Blake is such a big strong man that when he gets emotional, he sometimes looks like a little boy. I can't help but go into nurturing mode and run my fingers through his hair and hold him close during those moments. He told me he felt guilty for not coming with me and having me fend off the paparazzi by myself back in Hollywood. I played it off as if it was nothing but lord knows I'm not looking forward to that either. Luckily I have nothing scheduled this week except getting the kids to and from school so I can pretty much bunker down in my house until he gets back into town. 

Friday morning was a bit hectic as the nanny was out sick and I tried to rangle up King and Zuma into their uniforms for school. Luckily Apollo was still sleepy so he wasn't getting fussy and sitting quietly in his car seat as I parked the car at their school. Getting the boys out of the car, I suddenly heard Zuma shout a word that has recently caused shivers to go down my spine. 

"Dad!" I turn around and see my ex husband standing in the parking lot as my two oldest give him a hug. Apollo is fast asleep which I'm thankful for otherwise he would have gotten all worked up. He continues walking over to me and I'm wondering what on earth he's doing here considering I get the boys for the next week. 

"Hey Gavin... Um, what are you doing here?" My voice is shaky but I'm doing my best not to let the boys see so I put on my best fake smile for their sake.

"Zuma forgot his soccer cleats at my house. Figured he'd need them for tomorrow's game." 

"Are you gonna be there dad?" 

"If it's ok with your mom buddy." Just then my two boys stare up at me with those big brown eyes of there's and I can't bring myself to say no. 

"Of course it's ok. Now say bye to your dad and get inside before you get in trouble for being late. Love you!" 

"Bye mom! Bye dad!" They both shout and run off as it suddenly feels like old times dropping them off here together. With it being just the two of us left standing in the parking lot, Gavin walks over to poke his head to see his sleeping youngest before I quietly close the door. 

"I wish you wouldn't do that Gavin. Saying it's up to me if you can go to his game. You did that on purpose, so I'm the bad guy. I'm the one who won't let their father see them. Jesus Gavin." 

"Hate to break it to you love but you are the bad guy. You're the one who kicked their dad out and broke up the family. So yeah, I am going to continue asking you for permission in front of them since apparently you call all the shots nowadays."

His voice is getting harsh and sarcastic now and I can tell it's time to cut this little rendezvous short. I'm thankful the parking lot is empty of parents because this would make for quite a scene. 

"And by the way honey, don't lecture me about doing something on purpose. You don't think I see what you're doing with that hick from your little show? My god Gwen if all you needed was a fuck buddy you could have at least kept it out of the papers." 

"Fuck you Gavin. My life is none of your business." Turning around to go to the drivers car door, I suddenly feel his grip on my forearm as he whips be around. His grasp is strong as I try to wiggle out of it but it's no point. 

"None of my business? Are you fucking kidding me Gwen? Who my kids are around is my business. And who it says my still legally married wife is sleeping with is also my business. So stop humiliating yourself and for god sake stop humiliating me, your husband."

"Gavin you're hurting me... Please, just let go." 

"It's pathetic. You are clearly just rebounding from me. And the press will pick up on that and just rip you two apart. Stop seeing him Gwen. Or else." 

"Or else what? You'll sleep with some slut? Oh wait, you already did that for the past twenty years." His death grip on my tightens and the pain shoots up and down my body, eventually leaving my entire arm numb. 

"Don't you EVER embarrass me." releasing my arm after what felt like an hour, I can feel my body relax as he walks away to his car. Getting into the front seat I look back at my baby boy still fast asleep not knowing that his parents were close to coming to blows five feet away. I silently cry not wanting to wake him as the pain in my arm becomes too much to bare. Lifting up my sleeve I can already see the bruise forming above my wrist. Not wanting to go home, I pull out my phone to text Blake hoping he's awake. He got into town around 2am last night so he just went straight to his house knowing he'd need to sleep and recover all day today. Unfortunately, I need him right now. 

"Hey baby, I'm sorry for waking you but can I come over? GX" Sitting in the parking lot it begins to rain as I start thinking of ways to hide this bruise from Blake. 

"Hey honey. Of course you can come over. I miss you. I'm still in bed though. Want me to make you some breakfast?" 

"No no, stay in bed. I'm exhausted. I've got my key so I'll be over in a few. Gx"

Driving over to his house my tears slowly fall as I try to wrap my mind over what to do. It's not that I want to lie to Blake, but I'm scared he'll kill him for touching me like that. Gavin's done enough damage as it is and this will definitely send him over the edge. I don't want to think about that though. I just want to be in his arms. I want to feel safe again. 

Pulling up to his house, I carry my sleeping boy into the home and put him down to for his nap in a small crib Blake had set up after Apollo started coming over during our days hanging out while the other two were at school. I remember when I saw it for the first time, I thought it was so adorable how he thought of Apollo that way. He even built it himself which I know from experience isn't easy. Getting Apollo settled, I tip toed out and made my way into Blake's room where I find him in bed, eyes closed. I take off my shoes and climb under the covers where he lifts his arm in anticipation of my embrace. I practically slide entirely on top of him as I take in his scent that I've missed since leaving him two days earlier. He doesn't say a word, just holds me tight and lets me bury my face into his chest. It's not until he pulls the covers over me to keep me warm and kisses the top of my head that I start to break. 

"Gwen... baby what is it? You're shaking honey." It's his soft words that cause me to collapse on top of him. I start sobbing uncontrollably as he lays there holding me as close as possible, probably confused out of his mind. "Shhh it's ok, I got you. Baby what's wrong, talk to me, please, you're scaring me Gwen. Is everyone ok?" 

Still unable to find the words I cling onto him tighter as I roll up into a ball on top of him, trying to hide myself from the world. Well I guess not the world, but definitely from Gavin Rossdale. Blake had given up on trying to get me to talk as he realized I needed to cry it out first, so instead, he just kept his strong arms wrapped around me calming me down with his sweet words.

"It was Gavin..." My words are soft and I can feel the tension in the room as I speak him name. "... he was at the kids school and he was just so awful Blake. He said such awful things about us and me and then he grabbed me so hard and it hurt so much-"

"He grabbed you?!?" Shit I didn't mean to say that last part but it just slipped out as i word vomited the morning events to him. I can feel his heart start racing through his chest as he imagines what my ex did to me while his embrace around me tightens, as if protecting me from something that's already happened. 

"I'm sorry Blake... but yeah, he grabbed my arm."

"Baby, why on earth are you apologizing?" 

"Cuz I feel like I have so many issues and problems and you shouldn't have to deal with this."

"Gwen, it's not your fault your ex husband is a cowardly son of a bitch who physically hurt you. It's never your fault baby. Ok? If anything, it's my fault. I should be the one apologizing to you."

"Blake no! Don't be crazy!"

"I'm serious Gwen. If I had come home earlier, or if I went to your house last night and then to the drop off this morning, this wouldn't have happened. I should have been there baby. I should have protected you. You're my entire world Gwen. That's my job, to keep you and the boys safe." 

"Blake..." still wrapped in his arms securely, my tears slowly fall down my cheek as he brings his hand up to wipe them away and cup my face. Staring into my eyes, his ocean blues are literally piercing through my soul as I wonder what's going through his mind. Is he thinking of ways to hurt him, is he thinking how complicated and exhausting I am, is he wanting me to leave, is he thinking of ways to get out of this relationship while he still can? What?

"Where did he grab you baby?" His words are soft and unrushed as he catches me off guard. That wasn't what I thought he would say next. I slowly hold up my arm and pull back the sleeve of my shirt to show the now very prominent bruise on my forearm. Even I admit it doesn't look pretty as Gavin's fingers start to take form around my tiny wrist. I can see Blake's face drop at the sight of my wound and I start feeling guilty for putting all of this on him. 

Slowly he places his hand on my arm and brings it up to his face where he lays a gentle kiss on my bruise, being careful not to put too much pressure on it. Placing another one and another along my arm, I notice a tear fall from his eye as he shakes it away quickly, probably not wanting the attention of being emotionally. Positioning my body so that he's cradling me, he kisses my forehead firmly while bringing me into his chest as he holds onto me. 

"I'm never going to let anyone hurt you ever again Gwen. I promise." 

"I know baby. I know." 

"Let me take you somewhere?" 

"Like where?" 

"I don't know. Somewhere safe."

"I'm already there cowboy. Just don't let go." 

******

I woke up a bit startled. It was that feeling of not knowing whether I had been asleep five minutes or five hours. Normally that wouldn't have been a problem but Apollo was napping in the next room and I didn't have a baby monitor with me so my mind immediately went to him. I was hugging onto Blake's forearm who was sitting up over the covers leaning against the headboard. I must have held him captive in my sleep not wanting to let go. As if I had had a bad dream, I jumped a little in bed which in turn startled Blake as well. 

"Hey babe, relax, I'm right here." 

"How long was I asleep? I need to check on Apollo." 

"Don't worry honey, he's having fun playing right here." 

Lifting my head up I look over onto the carpeted floor in Blake's bedroom to find my baby boy awake and playing with his cars in a pile of Blake's laundry. 

"He woke up a little bit ago. Luckily I had kept some of his toy cars he was playing with last time he was over. But for whatever reason he keeps going over to my pile of clothes." He laughs at the realization. 

"Yeah, he does that at home too. I'm not sure why. He loves building forts out of it for his trucks." Moving my body up slightly I lean my back against Blake's chest as we watch my son play innocently in a pile of Blake's clean flannels. 

"Momma look!" 

"Wow! I see baby!" Running over to the bed, Apollo holds up a tractor and runs it along Blake's leg as a road. Blake then scoops him up playfully and plants him in between the two of us on the bed where he starts tickling him all over causing him to laugh uncontrollably. God I love my babies laugh. The sound of children's laughter has been something missing from my home. That is until my cowboy came into our lives. 

Suddenly, their attention shifts to me as Apollo starts tackling me and trying to tickle me all over with Blake helping. "Get her Apollo! Get her!" 

Tears are running down my face from laughing so hard and I know I'm going to have a smile headache for the rest of the day. "Ok, ok, I give up! Ahh Tickle Monster I give up!" Bringing my baby boy in for a sweet kiss, he snuggles into my chest and I can't help but notice Blake staring with a small smile as if it were his own son. 

With Apollo back at playing with his trucks on the bed, Blake leans in to kiss the side of my head and whisper into my ear. "How's your arm baby? Does it hurt?" I can hear the angst in his voice and I know he's trying his best to be calm over the ordeal, I just wish he wouldn't worry. 

"It's fine, just a bruise. Nothing to worry about cowboy." I give a smile to ease the tension but I can tell it's not helping to wipe away his fears. "Blake... just promise me you won't do anything to him. Please? I know you want to kick his ass but really it'll just make things worse and with our divorce and custody still going on I just worry what he'll try ya know?" I see him look down as he plays with my fingers resting in his lap. I know this is hard for him to handle but I just pray that he sees the harm it would cause to not only me but to the boys if he got in the middle of this. Still looking away from me, I place my hand on his cheek to force him to make eye contact with me. 

"Please Blake. Promise me?" 

"..... I promise Gwen. I wont hurt him. But he has to know he can't do this to you. Or anyone for that matter. I just want to do everything I can to keep you and the boys safe." 

"We are safe cowboy, I swear." Leaning into him I give him a long deep kiss to show him my gratitude. We sit there for awhile, our lips barely an inch apart before I start making out with him further. 

"If it makes you feel better cowboy, I have no doubt in my mind that my big strong country man would easily win in a fight with that jackass." That made him laugh as he blushed into my shoulder and he leaned his head down. Just then Apollo comes running back over to us needing some more attention. 

"Momma hungry." I look at the clock on Blake's nightstand and notice what time it is before looking back over to Blake. 

"Well how about this big strong country man of yours goes out to gather up some lunch for the three of us. I haven't been here in awhile so I know for a fact there's no food downstairs." 

"Aw babe that sounds great. I'm not starving yet but I'm sure Pollo needs lunch soon. Want me to go?" 

"Nah, stay here. Relax. I'll be back in a bit." Just as Blake moved to put his shoes on Apollo started throwing a fit at the sight of him leaving. 

"No Blakey! No!" My heart melted at the sight of how much he was attached to him. As a single mother, there's no greater gift. 

"Hey don't worry little buddy, I'll be back real soon. You've got to stay and keep your mamma company ok?" Not really understanding what Blake was saying, Apollo clung onto his leg attempting to keep him here. We both laughed and rolled our eyes at the toddler even though he was taking the whole ordeal very seriously. 

"Alright buddy, how about if it's ok with mommy you come with me to go get lunch? How's that sound? Sound good?" Looking back at me he cocks his eyebrow as if to ask for permission. I admit I'm a little nervous. Not because of Blake per say, but because he's never taken him anywhere before and I have those same nerves as if it were anyone taking Apollo for the first time. But, it was also bound to happen at some point, so why not now. 

"You sure babe? He can be a handful when he's hyper like this." Part of me is scared Blake will get a glimpse of what everyday parent duty is like and it's not always glamorous. This might be something to scare him away. 

"Yeah it'll be fine Gwen. I mean, if you're ok with it." 

"Of course I'm ok with it. Here, Take my car cuz the car seat is in it... and there are some goldfish in my purse downstairs for him if he gets hungry... and his favorite cartoon is in the DVD player in the car if he gets fussy... and-" 

"Babe... I'm taking him to get lunch, not to pick out a college. Were going to be gone for like a half hour. Don't worry, I've seen you do this a million times honey."

"I know I know I'm sorry. Have fun you two." Kissing him on the lips and then kissing Apollo's curly head in Blake's arms, I wave good bye as they exit the room. I can't help but giggle at the conversation Blake and Apollo are pretending to have as they walk down the hall. 

"So 'Pollo, do you want to drive or should I?" 

****

By the time my two boys return back home I've taken a shower and changed into something more comfortable then what I had on earlier. I slide my skinny jeans back on but opt out of my shirt and decide to borrow one of Blake's flannels instead. I can't help it, I'm obsessed. Hearing the front door open I hear my baby boy giggling as Blake makes goofy faces while carrying him in one arm and a bag of food in the other. Running over to greet them, I lean up on my tip toes to give him a sweet kiss hello before taking Apollo out of his arms. 

"The men have returned safely baby with food. Although there were a couple goldfish casualties that weren't so lucky." 

"Ha! My hero... what did you two get?" 

"We stopped at that cafe you like down the road. We got some sandwiches and some chicken fingers for this guy andddd your favorite..." Holding up a big round styrofoam container, the scent of the soup immediately hits me. 

"French onion soup?!?!" 

"Yup, thought you'd like that darlin." 

"Oh my gosh Blake, that sounds amazing. How'd you know it was my favorite?" 

"Honey I once saw you eat three cups of it on The Voice set. I might look dumb, but when it comes to you, I know what my girl likes." The gesture is pretty overwhelming for me emotionally but luckily Blake is distracted getting plates down to notice my eyes tear up. I know it's small but to be honest It took Gavin years before he realized my favorite foods or that I prefer tea over coffee or that I hate green peppers. Tiny stuff like that shouldn't be a surprise to someone you've been married to for over ten years. It just showed me how little effort he put in to getting to know me from the start. Whereas Blake seems to have made his life's mission to unpeel my complicated layers. 

After lunch, the three of us are lounging in his living room while I play on the floor with Apollo who's working on a giant puzzle. It's getting closer to the boys getting out of school but it makes me sad that we have to leave here. 

"K Bubba time for your nap before we go get your brothers." Moving up to sit on the couch, Apollo buries his body in between the two of us as he sets his head down in my lap and lays his little feet across Blake. 

"What time do you need to get them?" 

"Around 3. I sort of don't want to leave though. I'm like dreading going home right now. I don't know why, that place has just been so lonely lately. Maybe it's the old memories or something. It's much more fun here with you." 

"Well how bout you guys just come back here after. I can get stuff to barbecue dinner and they can go swimming or something. I'm dreading you going home as well darlin."

"Blake, id love that, but... are you sure? I mean I didn't mean to just invite myself over with my kids for the whole day. I feel bad, I mean didn't you have stuff to do today?"

"Yeah I did have stuff to do today... and I'm doing it." He's got this tiny little smirk that makes me wonder how any girl ever refused him and his dimples. "I know you're not used to this Gwen, to someone being around and helping out, but trust me when I say that if my options are between spending time with you four and virtually anything else in the world, I will always always choose you guys. I like making new memories with you Gwen. You're my family baby, and I just want to be with my family. That's all." 

The small child sprawled out on top of us prevents me from being able to move over and kiss him but my god do I want to so badly. I try to convey that with my smile as I run my fingers through his curls lovingly. 

"Well ok then cowboy. We'll stay."

*****  
Hours later, after picking up the boys, after playing in the pool, after barbecuing burgers and corn, after roasting smores in his fireplace, after putting on Aladdin, and after all three of them were passed out cold under mountains of blankets and pillows on his couch, I sigh out heavy while resting my head against Blake's chest. 

"It's crazy..." the lights are out and I talk in no more then a whisper not wanting to wake my boys as we lay on the opposite side, free to snuggle without getting caught. 

"What's crazy baby?" 

"Today started out as just the worst day. Like seriously one of the most horrific days. But, I don't know, somehow you've just made it into one of my absolute favorites cowboy. Just by being with you. How do you do that?" 

"Honey, I hope I'm always here to make bad days into good ones. Always." Leaning my head back, I signal him for a kiss as he brushes his lips against mine. It's soft and unrushed but laced with passion as his tongue caresses mine. 

"What is it beautiful? I can feel you thinking." 

"It's just... the shows season is ending soon." 

"Yeah..."

"And well, I'm not on it next time. I guess I'm just sad I won't be around. And I guess a little scared that we'll change. Like will you still be around as much or will we drift apart. I don't know, I guess I'm just a little nervous because of how great things are. I don't want things to change. Aren't you scared?" 

"No not really. I'm excited. I'm excited for our future and our life together. Don't you see babe? This is when it gets fun. With the season ending, we don't have to hold back anymore. We don't have to sneak around cuz we're scared of being unprofessional. We can finally be ourselves and go for a walk or go on vacation or hold hands in public or post pictures about each other like normal couples. Of course I'll miss you next season and seeing all your sexy little outfits but you'll be back on the show some day honey, and I'm still going to be hanging around you all the time. You can't get rid of me that easily gorgeous." I smile into his neck as I give a little kiss at his sweet compliment. 

"The point is darlin, yes things are going to change. But it's only because we're moving forward. Together. I want more days like today, I want more nights like tonight. I want it all, and I want it with you. That's what I'm excited about baby." 

Sniffling back a few tears, I can't help but grin like a lovesick teenager into his chest as he holds me tenderly. Laying in his arms, surrounded by my three babies, I don't want a moment like to end. 

"God I love you Blake Shelton. How did I get so lucky?"

Blushing down at me, I get up off of his lap and pull him up by his hand. Towering over me I signal him down by his neck to give him a deep passionate kiss while walking backwards towards the stairs. 

"Should we wake the boys and get them into some beds?" 

"Nah, they're fine down here for a bit longer. I don't think they'll be waking up anytime soon. Which is good because there's something I want to show you in the bedroom cowboy...Care to join me?" 

Without missing a beat, Blake picks me up behind my legs playfully, causing me to quietly squeal at the surprise as he starts walking me upstairs while I plant kisses up and down his neck and jaw. Closing the door to his bedroom, he gently lays me down on the bed while standing over me in the dark. Even though the lights are off, I can still make out his crystal blue eyes staring straight into my heart and soul. Before he begins undressing me, he leans down and gives me a loving kiss that is enough to bring tears to my eyes while whispering some last words into my ears. 

"For the record Gwen... I'm the lucky one."


End file.
